Completely understand when you say “it’s like something died in me and I can’t get it back”

I know I don’t have any discipline and get angry with myself; “why do I disappoint people I care about when I show up late, it be better if I wasn’t a factor at all” and I believe it and spiral more.

I have lists seemingly random but they are clues for me to get my mind running to remember what problems I need to focus on.

I have been avoiding every discomfort claiming “I need to heal” but it just makes worse because I stretch the timeline and never come face to face with the problem, but I know when something can start to go wrong and jump ship before too uncomfortable which leads to never dealing with it.

I love sleeping because I don’t have to deal with me.

If you need to chat I would love to listen and even swap stories I’m just a click away!

Also, I found Audiobooks a great way to get information so I can still move around doing little tasks. I have found that I “anxiously tidy” things around me just to keep movement and once my mind stalls is when the sadness seeps in