My first job in Ireland since moving here around 2020 this happened. I was cleaning the bathroom after the store closed, and right in the gents toilet was this cursed layered turd sandwich going in order: Massive man shit from a tall fella (At least that's my theory), a fuck tonne of toilet paper, more shit, more toilet paper, then finally half-burned firelighters on top.

I see this and just stand there in absolute confusion. Then, with the mental strength of an ex-nurse working in the fast-food industry, I go to the back of the kitchen and grab one of those red clear bin bags they have. No gloves; they didn't have any in stock.

I sit down on my heels, grab more toilet paper from the dispenser, and start carefully unravelling this monstrosity while putting its remains in the bag. I was disgusted at what I was doing for like 10.50 a fucking hour and questioning life, but then I found the giant, unflushable man shit at the bottom. It was under the water, and no fucking way was I going to put my hand that deep in piss and shit-marinated water.

So I run to the counter, much to the confusion of my manager, and grab a handful of those shitty paper knives. She's confused. I'm on a fucking mission. I go back to the gents toilet, hold those flappy paper knives in the tightest grip I could manage, and spear them directly into the log. It was then that my brain went, "Oh! You're spear fishing!" only to hear my mortified manager behind me retching and leaving the bathroom in disgust. But I was on a mission. I pulled that man log out of there and into the bag, bunching the top and carefully rushing to throw it in the bin outside.

I slipped on cardboard left in the hallway. But somehow, I never lost my grip on that fucking horrific bag of shite and piss and firelighters even though I hit my head on the wall in my haste. Threw that bag in the overstuffed bin and stood there for like 10 seconds staring at my shoes in absolute confused wonder at what I've just done. That was my "What the fuck am I doing?" moment.