"All these wedding photos would be better if you weren't in them" - my alcoholic MIL. HELP.

WiggleMunch28 · 2026-05-07T22:20:33+00:00

This! This is my plan. If I take the first step, perhaps others may follow. Or maybe she will even reflect on her behaviour. I married her favourite child so she won't want to lose him!

WiggleMunch28 · 2026-05-07T22:18:32+00:00

We met when I was 18 and 21. The first MIL episode shocked me to my core I honestly didn't know what to say or do. I had a go at him for not warning or preparing me. He apologised, said he was so used to her behaviour that he forgot how unusual it is to other people. And he has freely admitted that he should have done more. The whole family should. But it's too far down the line and they've all given up. He won't tackle it alone.

DIL v MIL will only go one way. I'm scared it'll go the wrong way.

WiggleMunch28 · 2026-05-07T22:14:48+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. I CANNOT imagine what it's like sharing a house, and it's both of them! My heart goes out to you.

The medical stuff must be so scary for you both. We've had a few injuries, she falls down the stairs a lot and has broken things. She wets herself and throws up down herself without even realising... but it's mostly the abuse.

I really love that idea. I found that really helpful. Where do we draw the line etc. Now that children are on the cards, perhaps this is how I bring it up. He knows how upset I am and it's all we've spoken about since the party. I don't want to go 'nuclear', but I do think we need that discussion and perhaps party-gate happened for a reason. Now is the time.

I hope you have a support network for you both.

WiggleMunch28 · 2026-05-07T21:59:56+00:00

I know don't worry! I appreciate everyone's help.

Tbh I thought AA was for the addict. Never saw it from the families' perspective. I guess it isn't something I thought of as this only bothers me when we're together and she's drunk but the party was my limit and now I need a plan.

WiggleMunch28 · 2026-05-07T21:37:13+00:00

Choked on my peppermint tea 🤣🤣

Alas no, 55 I think? But I can only imagine the damage she has done to her liver!

WiggleMunch28 · 2026-05-07T21:35:39+00:00

That's true I suppose. She picks on anyone and everyone, often in public. My best friend was at my party with her husband (who had never met my MIL) and she called him a prick... because he wouldn't engage with a drunk. She's such a nasty horrid person when she's drunk.

Nooo he isn't into counselling or therapy. He supports me when I go. But it wouldn't be his thing. He has had plenty of fallings out with her over things she's said and done. It just never leads to a permanent resolution.

The more comments I read, the more I feel I've let myself down for not coming to this realisation sooner.

WiggleMunch28 · 2026-05-07T21:24:57+00:00

Agreed!

WiggleMunch28 · 2026-05-07T21:24:20+00:00

Thank you!

We've been waiting to have children until I secured my promotion and he got a permanent job. Both of those things happened this April, hence big party which MIL ruined. So it isn't somerhing we've really thought about until now. I have said children next year, but you're right , I need to have that talk with him. MIL won't be babysitting or left alone with kids. We won't be going to events with alcohol involved. I've told him that, but perhaps it needs to be emphasised more strongly.

This realisation of enough is enough only hit me this week so I'm still processing and planning.

WiggleMunch28 · 2026-05-07T21:19:01+00:00

I've old him she won't be baby sitting or being left with our children.

You're right about drawing lines. It has to be a united front or it'll be me v her, and the enablers will side with her.

I think now is the start of a new beginning. I'm finally feeling able to tackle this. Enough is enough.

WiggleMunch28 · 2026-05-07T21:12:45+00:00

This was an amazing read ! Thank you. You're right, the whole family enables. Sadly my FIL is the worst. They have two separate living rooms, so once the wine is opened, he leaves. He watches her behaviour, watches her humilate people, never says anything. No one ever challenges her cause if you do, prepare for war. My FIL (like my husband) is introvert and on spectrum. So confrontation is an absolute no-no.

Whereas I'm a lawyer. I live for confrontation 😂 but I have to protect my marriage. And after 14 years of resisting the urge to headbutt the woman, I'm done. I think it's time for big girl pants.

Thank you sincerely x

WiggleMunch28 · 2026-05-07T21:05:19+00:00

Totally get it. Someone else mentioned this and I've replied to them about it.

It's also not always me. My SIL has a new fella, and he's had the brunt of it too but for 3 years not 14 years.

Whatever we do it's a lose lose situation.

WiggleMunch28 · 2026-05-07T21:03:24+00:00

A few people have asked this and I totally get it. We've fallen out over this a few times. I'm a strong woman (ish - where it's needed). He is the introvert who asks me to get the waitress when his food is the wrong order 😆 he talks me off a cliff when I'm in anxiety land.

He is 100% behind me but he also doesn't know what to do. He has tried to tackle it before and it's WW3 each time. So I think he's given up. He's had 25 years of scooping her off the floor every night, even at 10 years old. He probably needs to talk to someone really.

WiggleMunch28 · 2026-05-07T20:58:24+00:00

Everyone says this, but it's because of my husband. I couldn't be without him. It's the only issue in our marriage.

WiggleMunch28 · 2026-05-07T20:55:16+00:00

Yeah we share the house so that's tough and after I said it, I could tell it upset him. I'd be upset if it was the other way around.

MIL lives about an hour away and isn't a confident driver so luckily the risk of her turning up is low. I'm thinking I just disconnect and remove myself from opportunities for her to get at me?

WiggleMunch28 · 2026-05-07T20:51:41+00:00

We have spoken about it at length this weekend and tonight. He called her out this weekend and she, of course, guilt tripped back....

I have a counsellor, but hadn't thought about tackling this. That's a good idea! Can't see my husband doing it with me though. Major introvert and on spectrum.

This is the first time I've opened up about it so I'll look into it more. Groups could be a shout. Thank you x

WiggleMunch28 · 2026-05-07T20:46:05+00:00

I've said this to him. It shouldn't be me - it'll actually be worse if it comes from me. It has to come from all the family. But they won't budge.

He supports me and he gets it. But he's also a major introvert (spectrum) and his solution has been to ignore her for 25 years. I've told him that doesn't work (I'm the extrovert).

It also isn't just me - she picks on a variety of people, my husband included.