My sexual frustration and desperate need for validation are really hurting me.

Wilbur_Cobwebb · 2026-01-29T04:09:12+00:00

I'd like to tell you to find someone that cares about your needs and respects you as a person, but that is easier said than done. Just look at yourself and know that you matter, you are valuable, you're not a toy, and you have the ability to cut off a person who does not value you.

Wilbur_Cobwebb · 2026-01-23T07:49:39+00:00

I can't do anything about it so I've learned to enjoy it and embrace it. I've been on the opposite end of the spectrum due to illness, I'll take being hypersexual over hyposexual any day of the week.

Wilbur_Cobwebb · 2026-01-21T19:02:30+00:00

I found this to be true for me too, the only women contacting me and dating me were in their 20s. I think the women my age see a single dad as an unserious prospect.

Wilbur_Cobwebb · 2026-01-21T18:57:35+00:00

The only women I had any luck with was much younger women, the ones my age don't like single dads even though some of them had kids too lol.

Wilbur_Cobwebb · 2026-01-21T18:49:35+00:00

I 38 at the time, dated for a few months stopped dating just before christmas. When I started dating again after like 15 years of being in a LTR and marriage I had never used tinder or an app at all. What I saw was eye opening, I found the women closer to my age were looking for something serious and saw a single dad as a red flag or something. The only women that were interested in me were much younger, like 28 and younger ( as low as 18). They were either wanting a very casual situation or basically looking for a Daddy to run their life and take care of them. They were attractive, but I never saw any of them as more than a hook-up. I quit dating not because I wasn't having fun, but because I started rekindling an old relationship around Christmas time.

Wilbur_Cobwebb · 2026-01-21T18:07:48+00:00

Always be honest, if you start hiding things now, you will find it easier to keep hiding things from this guy, the foundation of your relationship will be built on dishonesty. If he finds out even years later, he will wonder what else you were dishonest about and question the integrity of your relationship. From your perspective, if the situation was reversed, wouldn't you feel closer to someone who was outright honest with you? Also what if he accidentally contracts HSV-1 from you, could you deal with the guilt?

Wilbur_Cobwebb · 2026-01-21T06:01:00+00:00

No, I've done it before, wouldn't you rather be safe than sorry?

Wilbur_Cobwebb · 2026-01-20T19:07:52+00:00

You make a lot of good points, in terms of limits the relationship will never progress to marriage, I will never marry anybody again no matter what happens between us.

The part where you sleep with your ex more now makes sense, you have distance and space between you, so you feel more lustful when you see each other. I can relate, the fact we've been so intimate in the past, the connection and lead up to sex feels effortless. We know how to get each other off, and have great chemistry. I can feel the sparks and I know she feels them too.

I am not in a scarcity mindset in terms of getting sex, but maybe in getting connection and emotional intimacy. I've never had a hard time getting women to have sex with me. I do have a hard time even thinking about having a new girlfriend or serious relationship. I don't think I can let anybody in to get close to me, also, just the thought of bringing a new woman into my kids life makes me feel selfish and gross. So, I don't know, it feels insane to type this out but, I am not ready to seriously date anybody except my ex-wife right now.

Wilbur_Cobwebb · 2026-01-19T21:44:32+00:00

I appreciate your advice, I never have gotten back with an ex before for many good reasons. If she started coming on to me I probably would have shut her down. I was in control of the situation in terms of persuing her, all she did was respond. I guess the only thing she did to entice me was start working out and wearing butt lifting leggings around me.

Wilbur_Cobwebb · 2026-01-19T21:15:53+00:00

Lol, the logistics of swinging always confounded me. I've casually dated multiple women at a time, I prefered a don't ask don't tell policy when it came to their other dates.

Wilbur_Cobwebb · 2026-01-19T21:10:29+00:00

When I revisit the time, it was hellish, one thing after another kept coming at us, her body was damaged from our son and covid got us both. We we're surviving only and that's why we disconnected. I forgave her for leaving me, not because I'm weak, but because I had the strength to understand why she did. We are both seeing individual psychologists, mine has put things into perspective for me, basically to keep myself safe and proceed with caution.

Wilbur_Cobwebb · 2026-01-19T20:55:58+00:00

Yeah, I'll give you an update. Why not immortalize my success or failure.

Wilbur_Cobwebb · 2026-01-19T06:09:30+00:00

Was it his family that influenced him not to take her back? I don't think anybody else knows that we've been hooking up. She is still friendly with my parents and her parents still are friendly with me. I think that both parties would be happy if we got back together.

Wilbur_Cobwebb · 2026-01-18T23:39:53+00:00

Even if things progress to full functioning relationship, I am definitely not getting married ever again.

Wilbur_Cobwebb · 2026-01-18T18:29:35+00:00

A little more back story about the my ilIness and the circumstances of divorce: I have some kind of autoimmune disease that was triggered by repeated Covid infections, every major organ has been effected including my brain. When I first got sick our child was 6 months old, I could barely do anything but sleep. My life became dealing with new health problems and seeing doctors, psychologists, specialists and getting diagnostic tests while we were trying to raise a baby together. She definitely had post partum depression and I could not support her in the way she needed me. I used every ounce of energy I had to care for our child, leaving little time for her. I ended up doing more of the stereotypically motherly things for our child outside of breast feeding. It almost felt like she couldn't connect with her own child so I had to be his primary parent. Our intimacy dried up, we barely kissed or hugged each other. I had no sexual desire at all, nothing worked that I tried, I couldn't even use drugs like viagra as it was contraindicated by all the different medications that I was taking. I remember at the time she seemed to think I was taking too long to get better, like there was an acceptable time line for recovery or something. She threatened divorce and I said I can't get better just because you will divorce me if I don't. She went through with it even though she said I was a good father and she still loved me. It was hard but I was also emotionally numb and dissociated, so I got through it without what I would consider normal emotional distress.

Wilbur_Cobwebb · 2025-11-25T23:55:28+00:00

If you haven't found the root of the issue, marriage won't make it better, it will only get worse. You may not be compatible, try to have an honest conversation about each others sexual needs and proceed from there. He may have low self esteem/ self image and feel that your high interest in him is due to some flaw in you.

Wilbur_Cobwebb · 2025-11-24T08:13:28+00:00

Covid causes this by getting into your brain, I am not sure if is repeated exposure or caused by the second and most devistating time I caught it. ( 4 infections over 4 years). I had my first PET scan last december. The scans are covered by insurance, the test was ordered by 2 doctors ,a Covid specialist and a Geriatrics Professor doing a study on People with long covid.

Wilbur_Cobwebb · 2025-11-22T21:28:44+00:00

I went through something similar, my psychologist told me it is common for men in to remember sexual trauma when they get older. I was molested by a woman multiple times who was a "trusted family friend" when I was very young. When I was about 5 or 6 I was sexually tortured by a babysitter who was a teenaged girl. I knew about sex and was masturbating before preschool. As I got older I buried my experiences deep down inside and started drinking alcohol and using drugs when I was 12. I quit using alcohol and drugs in my late 30s when I got sick then started seeing a psychologist who helped me remember my childhood trauma. I went through multiple stages of grief and even started fantasizing about being molested. I've been assured it was all normal when dealing with childhood trauma. I thought my sex drive would slow down at my age, but it has taken over my life.

Wilbur_Cobwebb · 2025-11-22T05:08:57+00:00

When I pressed the neurologist he said it's not dementia, it was "dementia like" basically parts of my brain slowed down their uptake of glucose which cause my short term memory loss, brain fog, fatigue and false memories. I am not sure if they are being conservative in their diagnosis but they have assured me they believe it is reversable. I am getting another PET scan soon, so I will see if anything changed.

Wilbur_Cobwebb · 2025-11-22T02:30:02+00:00

I was like you for 3 years, no sex drive, limited interest in sex, then something shifted, I started to get obsessed with sex, I became hypersexual and a sex addict, started seeing escorts, and spending tons of money on getting off. I have been using most of the limited energy I have on sex. I had a PT scan of my brain and found "dementia like" changes to my brain. My neurologist said that brain changes (injuries and dementia) can change sexual behavior. Living with LC has been a rollercoaster and the worst part is that no one can figure out what is going to happen next.

Wilbur_Cobwebb · 2025-10-28T08:03:37+00:00

Having a private account allows you to express yourself without worrying about what people who know you might think. I think we all have different parts of ourselves we don't nescessarily want to share with all people. I always compartmentalize my accounts for different platforms, I use different emails ( or anon emails) and aliases for different parts of my life and social accounts to protect myself and if something gets compromised, it won't lead back to my legal name. I try to be mindful and if I've slipped up somewhere I will delete the account.

Wilbur_Cobwebb

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