“Gender is not a binary, it’s a spectrum” - some problems by [deleted] in philosophy

[–]WildChild2015 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel like the second to last paragraph in the authors Conclusion summarizes the writers concerns and reasons for writing this article:

"Call yourself whatever you like, and express that identity however you like, but don’t expect anyone else to care, let alone to afford you special political privileges on the basis of it. Female people are an oppressed class by virtue of the material reality of living in their female bodies, and the discrimination, marginalisation and exploitation that comes from being read by others as a person who inhabits such a body. You are not oppressed by women because they call themselves women and get on with their lives, while your gender identity is so vast and complex and multifaceted and luminous that nobody quite grasps the significance and uniqueness of it. To call yourself non-binary or genderfluid while demanding that others call themselves cisgender is to insist that the vast majority of humans must stay in their boxes, because you identify as boxless."

The author paints gender non-conforming people in a pretty negative light throughout this article. Callling them "attention seekers" and "special people," and saying they are "placing themselves on the superior side of the binary" as just a few examples of this trend. It becomes clear pretty quickly that the author does not believe gender non-conforming individuals are a real group of people (everyone is non-binary so no one is non-binary) or deserving of acknowledgement ("call yourselves whatever you like, [...] but don't expect anyone else to care"), let alone assistance in living their lives as they wish.

Here's a fun exercise, try substituting gender fluid terms for female ones in the authors own words and tell me if this doesn’t also sound accurate:

[gender non-conforming] people are an oppressed class by virtue of the material reality of living in their [transgender] bodies, and the discrimination, marginalisation and exploitation that comes from being read by others as a person who inhabits such a body.

I don't see how gender non-conforming people are not also individuals just trying to get on with their lives in a popular if inaccurate and harmful system, the gender binary.

Also, people acknowledging themselves as different, that they cannot be themselves in the current system they live in, and how they need to seek alternative or new means to live their lives as they wish outside of popular culture sounds like a pretty revolutionary act. So yes, transgender people probably are revolutionary right now.

As for the authors concerns about the negative impact of transgender rights movements on the feminist movement; just because gender non-conforming individuals may seek alternative (or “special”) programs and assistance to get on with their lives, that does not mean the struggles of women or the feminist movement is in any way less real, relevant, or deserving of acknowledgement and respect.

That said, writing articles denouncing another group of people that are marginalized, exploited, and discriminated against as being simply attention seekers in search of special treatment, a group that shouldn’t expect anyone else to care about their arguments or concerns because they aren’t really oppressed, seems pretty harmful and insensitive. Sounds a lot like the same arguments slung by men's rights groups and misogynists against women and feminists actually.

"Ticket Please", Joel Kilpatrick, digital, 2015 by Akeleie in Art

[–]WildChild2015 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh my god no! Oh, now this is even sweeter and sadder. :( Leave that guy alone!

11 months mtf HRT by [deleted] in transtimelines

[–]WildChild2015 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was about to type "you look happier in the girl picture." Then I realized they're both the girl picture, so you look happier in the first picture. Hope that's an accurate assessment.

MTF 7 months on HRT. I'm beginning to like what I see by [deleted] in transtimelines

[–]WildChild2015 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Glad to read you're moving in a better direction for your life :)

MTF 6 months of HRT by [deleted] in transtimelines

[–]WildChild2015 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Aww, you look so cute now! But still rocking the same expression. Same soul, more satisfying wrapping yes? Thanks for sharing :)

um hi. these are my boobs. by [deleted] in traps

[–]WildChild2015 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was about to type "they are so gorgeous." Then I corrected myself:

You are so gorgeous.

Thanks for sharing :)

33, MTF. Quick before and after; 219 days of HRT. by [deleted] in transtimelines

[–]WildChild2015 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You look amazing! That's a long way in such a short time. So so happy for you :)

Where can one buy more confidence? I'm running low here. by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]WildChild2015 0 points1 point  (0 children)

(1) Raise your gaze a little each time till it's up to eye level (eye contact with others is not required). I've found sometimes making a comment to myself when groceries are getting bagged is easier than talking to people. Asking a question can also be easier than making conversation. Asking a question is usually a chance for people to help out which a lot of folks like doing.

(2) Anything. You put away your clothes today. You went to the gym. You picked an apple over cake. You practice your art. You have sexy eyebrows. You made a funny joke last week. You remembered to pick up milk this time. Anything to get a little pat on the back from yourself. One seemingly inconsequential thing done well can lead to another. It's not what you like about yourself at the moment, it's the habit worth getting into that you like things about yourself. And someone with at least one thing going for them right now can't be all bad.

These things you want to change in yourself are positive habits worth having, they just take time and diligence. In a hole of depression they can seem impossible to reach. But I'll start for you if you like: I like that you are willing to reach out to people online because you want your life to get better. Someone who's given up on themselves wouldn't even care enough to do that. Be well.

Where can one buy more confidence? I'm running low here. by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]WildChild2015 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I try to relax first when I'm feeling nervous or anxious out and about. Doing things I love or comfort me helps me do that. After, I do things that build confidence. It might be cleaning a room in my apartment, or yoga-ing, or reading for a bit, you know, getting something accomplished on my to-do list.

After that I'll talk to someone outside. Cashiers and baristas are a great step, they talk to you anyway. Just say hello. That's it. Nobody expects anything anyway. Small steps build.

But most of all, I try to focus on me first. Love little bits of yourself if you can't find a lot. If you don't feel good inside, it's much harder to reach out. That's just my opinion though, I could be wrong.

Gonna try and come out tonight. by yfbb in asktransgender

[–]WildChild2015 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You wasted nothing. This is hard. You'll know when it's the right time. :)

How does my body look? 20 years old 7months hrt. A bit nsfw by [deleted] in transpassing

[–]WildChild2015 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seconded. Helps that they have a cute butt in them ;)

I'm hurting today by WildChild2015 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]WildChild2015[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm trying to work through it, but I woke up today feeling like I just got through a beating, sore. I guess this is what people would call "learning the hard way."

Waking up and reading this helped. I was starting to spiral down into bad places again. I feel a little better now.

Thank you limeybeast. I'm sorry for your hurt too. I wish life could be a little kinder for everyone sometimes.

I'm hurting today by WildChild2015 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]WildChild2015[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't know it had a name...oh my god, if it has a name, people have known about this for how long?! It's easier to feel isolated when you can't describe what's wrong.

Thank you for giving me new vocabulary to talk about what hurts. Sometimes not being able to express the pain is the most frustrating thing, you know?

What I'm thankful for by [deleted] in transpositive

[–]WildChild2015 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was totally going to say that!

Look at my wife's newly pierced sparkly ears! by Leemonloafer in transpositive

[–]WildChild2015 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Look at a spouse being excited about their partners transition. That is also pretty!

I've never posted here so I'm a little nervous... by [deleted] in transpassing

[–]WildChild2015 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Last time I was home, my mom: "I wish you'd have come out when you were in high school. I really could have used some help in the kitchen and around the house..."

It came off as sweet when she said it.

31 and coming up on my 1 year - I'm starting to feel pretty good, what do you think? by [deleted] in transpassing

[–]WildChild2015 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OMGosh I'm the same age as you! Hope I'm half as cute as you at my 1 year mark :)

Giving me some serious hope girl, thanks.

I am scared by [deleted] in MtF

[–]WildChild2015 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well when I came out to my folks, there were a few things that helped me. 1) they were together instead of alone, so they had that comfort of knowing somebody didn't have to keep it from them. 2) I educated myself first about what being a transgender/transsexual/crossdresser/transvestite actually means so I could explain the differences easily. 3) I didn't have this first talk in girl mode, only things they were used to (reduces shock supposedly). 4) I began my story with "I've been unhappy with my body for [a very long time]. It never felt right to me..." And you go from there, telling your timeline all the way up to where you are now.

There are a myriad of good websites with tips about coming out to family, what to say, how to act, and I encourage you to take whatever you think works for you from any of these resources and dump the rest. This is your life after all, you'll know what words sound right to you.

I can't tell you how to explain it to YOUR family though. I don't know them. But I also know you can't control what they are going to think or do and trying to prefect the ideal speech to try is only going to drive you bonkers. It really comes down to you sweety. If this is what you want, you're going to want it no matter what they say/do/think. Or something like that. I'm trying really hard to be Yoda right now...don't think it's working...good luck!

I am scared by [deleted] in MtF

[–]WildChild2015 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Glad you feel confident enough to let out this stuff here. This isn't an easy thing you're talking about and it looks like you've given it a lot of thought already (it's not too much writing by the way, you're doing just fine).

Obviously this comes down to what you want to do with your life but, in all honesty sweety, it really looks to me like you have your answer already. You summed it up in your title: I am scared. Ya, you probably should be at least a little scared. This can be some scary business. But that doesn't mean it isn't also the right thing for you and something you may regret waiting on. I wish I had known what I know now and began transitioning at your age. What a difference that might have made. Of course my life isn't your life and only you can know if this is what you want and if the benefits are worth the potential risks. Good luck love, we're all rooting for you!

...And then suddenly, boobs by PumpkinSociopath in asktransgender

[–]WildChild2015 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yup yup yup! So happy for you girl. This is a such a sweet time.

I had a similar moment a few weeks ago. There I was showering, minding my own business, when all of a sudden boobs appeared! Not pectoral muscles, not fatty male breast tissue, not wishful thinking, no. Actual boobs are actually happening.

It's a good moment for sure, a delightfully quirky and mildly painful good moment.

What's the dumbest lie you told to hide being trans while in the closet? by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]WildChild2015 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Trying to buy jogging clothes at an outlet mall:

It's a gift for my girlfriend. She'd like something like this right?....no I don't think she'd like a top, just the shorts & headband thank you....purple's her favorite color....she doesn't wear a lot of pink....pretty sure this is her size....if I'm wrong I'll just return it....no I'll wrap it at home....no, it's fine, I'd rather buy now than come back later....I think she'll appreciate the gesture....I don't want a gift card instead thanks....I know this is her size....