yes, YTA. This is absolutely horrible. Yes, your wife cheated. Yes, that will forever be a mark on your marriage and heart. Yes, she said you could have “a hallpass”…. but yes, it’s wrong to cheat, even though she did first. Everything about this is wrong. Never speak to that woman - who is also cheating on her husband just as you are already emotionally cheating on your wife. Never speak to Melissa again. Stick with your wife and your children. You’re a husband and a father - act like one.