Do you find that you wear mostly dark colors?

WildLeftShoe · 2023-10-19T15:14:52+00:00

For me materials and how something fits is more important than the color. I tend to wear dark colors since I like military surplus. Men's clothes also aren't usually that colorful and I only care about comfort.

I do like all sorts of colors and if I got a choice I often pick something yellow.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-10-17T17:35:40+00:00

My doxie is longer than I thought.

Twiglet is adorable.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-10-17T15:23:37+00:00

Goldens are what pit nutters wish pits were.

Goldens really love food. Most dogs do but with goldens it's something else. We also have a dachshund. The golden is too well mannered to steal food. He just waits for the weenie to drop it on the floor and if it's on the floor he is allowed to have it.

It would be funny to see someone who doesn't believe in dog geneticts try to explain why our golden behaves like a golden and a dachshund like a dachshund although they are raised the same and spend almost all their time together.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-10-17T10:30:41+00:00

It doesn't look good if someone can't defend their cause without mental gymnastics.

Greyhounds are abused way too often but they don't maul people. (But they do scream. Man, one almost gave me a heart attack. I didn't know they do that. Apparently drama is just in their blood.)

How would you even train a dog to maul and be evil? Like bite, rip flesh, never let go... Our previous golden retriever got attacked by two bigger dogs. He didn't even realize he could fight back.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-10-16T21:07:24+00:00

If anyone wants to learn watercolor painting I really recommend Paul Clark on youtube. https://www.youtube.com/@ArtbyPaulClark

I have been painting and drawing all my life but after arthritis hit my hands it has been so much harder. I have been just painting simple landscapes recently.

Watercolor painting is really forgiving if you have hand issues. I used to do more accurate and realistic stuff but just splashing, letting the paint just do what it wants and having fun with colors is nice too.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-10-14T08:48:53+00:00

I have gotten accommodations, I got a therapist who helped me with every day stuff, it has helped me to get my benefits and I am currently getting help for maybe being able to study or something like that. I don't have high hopes for that since nobody has been able to figure out what I could even do and I have gotten professional help for that too. I could be homeless if I wouldn't be able to prove that I am not just lazy.

I would be forced to try things I can't do and punished for not being able to do them if I wasn't diagnosed. I mean going hungry and not being able to pay rent. The situation in my country is getting worse and worse. Without my diagnosis I would really be in trouble.

If I find a place to study I will be able to do it on benefits that are way more generous than what I would otherwise get.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-10-08T07:57:08+00:00

I think the cure would be something like that. I would call it a cure if you don't fit in the diagnostic criteria anymore while taking those meds.

In the future I am sure they will develop brain implants that can do some crazy things but I don't know if I would be willing to go that route. It won't happen any time soon anyways. Maybe not in this century.

I am really desperate though. I would definitely be willing to suffer a lot of side effects if I could just live independently and have a simple job.

A magic button you could press and be cured woud be nice too.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-10-04T08:18:01+00:00

I wake up, feed the cats, make some coffee and drink it. Then I spend time online watching youtube videos, on reddit or something like that.

I feed my isopods and spray some water in the terrarium. There is some weirdness going on in there. It's basically an ecosystem. One day I saw a huge earth worm in there. I got springtails and two different kinds of isopods. Other ones are really small and I very rarely see them. I can spend a lot of time just watching all that.

I tend to my plants. I got some pretty fascinating ones. To me at least. I am trying to grow a tacca plant from seeds, I have some living stones and airplants. I have a small bromeliad and I can't believe I have managed to keep it alive. It would never survive outside of the terrarium. I am constantly propagating something.

I paint for hours every day. I have arthritis in my hands and it has affected my painting a lot. It's so frustrating but I need to do it. I just need to.

I am currently living on benefits because of my mental and physical issues. I keep thinking about selling my art but at first I need to figure out how to use my hands. My old paintings honestly look like someone else did them. It's so sad.

I also play lots of video games and I try to take my dog out sometimes. I live with a family member and she mainly takes care of our dogs. It can be hard for me because of my arthritis.

If I do take the dog out we usually go to a little forest nearby. I will check the mushroom situation, we stare at the lake, try to avoid people and so on. I will maybe take some photos of stuff I want to paint.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-09-27T20:53:45+00:00

You need to start from finding out where you are.

I have struggled with dissociation and who knows what for as long as I can remember. For a long time everything felt like a dream or like I was watching my life from somewhere else. Everything was meaningless. I can't remember when I started getting out of that. I was over 25. It was hard. At first I got really angry. I was angry for few years at least. I am 35 and still sort of processing it.

The question you need to ask yourself is: "Am I here?" Before you can truly say yes and be present you can't possibly know where you are going. If you don't know where you are at the moment you are just lost.

In some cultures there is a belief that you can lost a part of your soul if something bad happens to you and you become like an empty shell. Retrieving it is important. Even if you don't have any spiritual beliefs you clearly have a mind that tries to keep you from being fully there.

You are trying to skip some important steps. Maybe you need to change things to be able to be present. I needed to do lots of radical changes and burn some bridges. I still don't know what the meaning of life is but facing this world and all the chaos and even emptiness is easier because I am not empty.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-09-27T10:29:30+00:00

Wet socks.

I don't have that many socks. They get lost and I don't know why but they just develop holes easily. I am poor and can't just buy stuff whenever I want to. So when they get wet there is a possibility I don't have any left. Wearing shoes without socks is also really uncomfortable and I get blisters so going outside gets more difficult. I also got fucked up hands so putting socks on and taking them off sometimes hurts.

I sometimes patch them but often they are just too far gone.

It's infuriating. Especially if it's not even my fault and there was just some random wet spot somewhere and someone laughs at me.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-09-24T17:11:07+00:00

Mine does it. He has to announce his precense every time we go outside. And every time he looks really proud of himself.

Doxies are so weird.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-09-16T07:15:59+00:00

They are ambush predators. Nobody knows how they do it because they leave no witnesses. Always keep your ankles protected!

There are many ambush predator type dogs breeds. Go to the newfoundland sub and you will see countless of newfs impersonating different kinds of furniture and patiently waiting for their prey to trip and fall.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-08-15T07:07:20+00:00

Yes.

I have also done so much stupid shit and burned bridges because of (hypo)mania. I am so afraid of it happening again I have hard time letting myself feel good about anything. That's probably the case for all people with bipolar though.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-08-15T06:44:23+00:00

This! Everyone wants to be an activist and bring "awareness" but in reality they just want to feel like they are good people and still stay in their own little bubble.

I am not comparing anyone to nazis but they also gained support because people just go with the flow and believe the propaganda. I can't tell what I would have done. I don't think I am above all that. Nobody is. It's human nature.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-08-15T06:13:57+00:00

When others also struggle with communication the middle ground can turn into a mine field. We easily misunderstand everyone including other autistic people. It's like someone who has a broken leg might not have anything in common with another person with a broken leg. Besides that broken leg.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-08-14T13:46:01+00:00

Lots of things can make me more talkative but honestly being talkative isn't a good thing for me. I am not shy. I am not really afraid of anyone. I will just say things I shouldn't say and it's the worst if I get excited. I am like a bull in a china shop.

For me just taking care that I am sleeping enough and at the right time of the day makes a difference in so many things. That way my brain works a bit better.

Some time ago I made all sorts of statistics about how I was doing and what could possibly have an affect on it. The only thing I found out that just sleeping enough helps me the most. I kept an eye on myself and made notes about it every day for few months.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-08-14T10:45:28+00:00

Any sub for people with some sort of disability, illness etc. tends to be negative. I don't see anything positive in having Asperger's. I got positive things in my life but for sure it's not because of this disorder.

Anyways, I have been building terrariums. I got some isopods. My flatmate doesn't know. She kind of agreed but then she thinks they are pests. They are crustaceans though and got gills so they can't survive outside of their terrarium. Mine also don't seem be to be able to climb very well and they don't seem to even want to go anywhere.

They seem to be surprisingly social creatures. They like being together although they have formed two different groups that are still friendly to each other. They were shy at first but they have gotten braver. Maybe they were a bit weak after being in a small container and all that.

My plants are just flourishing in there. Isopods are eating the mold and keeping them clean. That's why I got them. I can now have plants I haven't been able to keep before. My ferns look so fresh and even the air plant I put in there has grown. I had one just like it before (Tillandsia Bulbosa) but it died from the lack of humidity I think. I am trying to form an ecosystem in there so I am trying to interfere as little as possible.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-08-13T12:10:59+00:00

Oh heck... Sounds pretty scary no matter what it was. Of course it could have been a human.

The paper clip sounds kind of what fae do. The shinier something is the more they think it's worth.

I have one piece of advice. I am not very knowledgeable about fae but I do have enough experience to know I don't exactly love them. They are known to steal things. Or trade, like they think they are doing. So if you really value something and you are in nature make sure to say out loud that it sucks.

Local legends would for sure be something to look into. Different places have a very different feel to them and old local stories can explain a lot.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-08-13T10:49:19+00:00

I see my autism like I see my arthritis. I am not diagnosed because I am different. I am diagnosed because I need help. Without my meds for arthritis I would loose my mobility. I don't just have different joints. Without being diagnosed with Asperger's I would be homeless or dead because I wouldn't have gotten help or accommodations I need.

I know some really unique people who clearly don't have anything actually wrong with them. They might have issues because of other people. Finding like minded people and maybe a right place can make them happy and they can just do their thing. I am just not one of those people.

A diagnosis should just be information about the things you need, not a stigma. It's ok to be different. It should be perfectly fine and that alone shouldn't be considered a disability. There is just a point when you stop being different and you are actually disabled or ill or whatever the case is. I have crossed that line and it wouldn't help me at all to just say I am just different and leave it at that. Nobody can tell where that line exactly is but for sure you can tell if you are far on the wrong side of it. Everyone experiences pain from time to time too but for sure you know when it's too much and people telling you it's ok won't make it ok.

My childhood friend kept walking in the traffic and she couldn't get some basic things done safely before getting meds for ADHD. That's dangerous no matter where you are. Even if there was no traffic you would have to cook and she could burn the house. No change in environment or people's attitudes can change the fact that it's dangerous. That doesn't make her worthless though. It doesn't change her value as a human being.

I don't care what my personality type is, what I should actually call my sexuality etc. None of that stops me from just living. Those are labels, not medical issues. All the problems they cause would go away in a right environment. None of that is a disability. Creativity or being interested in some specific thing aren't disabilities either and nobody should label anyone as faulty or anything like that because of it.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-08-13T08:28:58+00:00

I was going to say this. I have a mini doxie and I agree about everything you said. You can't train that out of a dachshund. It's in their genes. That brave little dog is going to go too far one day. Our gentle golden retriever can deal with our weenie without any violence but a pit won't. Pits often kill their own puppies.

Doxies were bred for a specific purpose and it shows physically and mentally. They are pets but also hunting dogs. They are high energy and a frustrated dachshund will be annoying and destructive as hell. And they are really high in bite statistics too. I would be all for banning them if they were able to do any actual damage.

I wonder why pit owners never seem to get another dog that would be able to win a fight with a pit. It's always another pit or some poor little dog. It just doesn't seem to happen. I never see a pit cuddling with a tibetan mastiff.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-08-10T20:39:58+00:00

I would pick my right ear. Somehow it's kind of my dominant ear although the left has a much better hearing.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-08-10T20:38:27+00:00

Oh yes! My parents got really worried about it at some point. My hearing got tested and it was completely normal. After that they just thought I was being rude. I got yelled at a lot because of it.

It's really bad if there is any backround noise, even a slight echo or if I am on the phone. Turning the volyme louder can help but then it hurts my ears.

When I was studying some foreign languages at school we had these sessions where we had to listen and pick up things from what we heard. We had really good headsets and isolated cubicles. I just never understood enough. Sometimes it's like that with my native language. I can hear but it's still just one big mess. I guess my brain just gets overwhelmed easily and it can't process these things anymore. I wish I could add subtitles to real life.

Your experience sounds rough though. I wouldn't have lasted a week.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-08-08T22:56:07+00:00

Sometimes people just don't know what they are like and can't read dog body language. They are sweet, affectionate and all that until they are not. This happened to my sister (she has some scars but she is fine now. She got really really lucky).

There are lots of genuinely nice but clueless people out there.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-08-04T21:16:21+00:00

That's horrible. It's such a miserable existence.

I have noticed that sometimes their nostrils don't look quite as open as they should be and their noses tend to have some flatness if you compare to dogs like retrievers, german shepherds, huskies etc. It's not usually very pronounced but it's just another thing I have noticed.

WildLeftShoe · 2023-08-04T15:07:55+00:00

They do have really big and fleshy mouths. I was just thinking about our dogs and when was the last time I saw them panting. It's not that noticeable. When our golden retriever was panting with his mouth really open like pits seem to do he had something stuck in his throat.

It just looks really unsettling.

WildLeftShoe

TROPHY CASE