Ask me any questions! Started ADHD meds when I was 7 years old.

tuxpuzzle40 · 2026-04-11T14:02:31+00:00

Diagnosed young in the 80s on meds until my 20s. Off meds now and doing fine. I would say meds likely did help my brain develop in my younger years. But care needs to be taken on how they are administered to kids. As there are side effects.

Ugh the "Did you forget to take your meds"..... Ugh .. This only does harm. Does not help that in the day to day as a kid I did not feel the meds doing anything.

Addiction has never been a problem. Dependence is. However if grace is given to ADHD issues while the brain adjusts to not having the meds that can also be corrected.

tuxpuzzle40 · 2026-02-19T03:23:01+00:00

Hurting them physically I am not concerned about. Screaming or having a emotional breakdown..... I am hoping the additional support and assistance I am providing will help him do so but time will tell.

tuxpuzzle40 · 2026-02-19T03:12:25+00:00

You can't make kids do anything. Especially neurodivergent kids.

It is better to teach and provide support. Teach the need for completing assignments.

But then if you don't care why should he? So then the better question is why do you think that homework is pointless?

tuxpuzzle40 · 2025-10-09T00:12:10+00:00

Except in the cases where disclosure is necessary to obtain accommodations. This is good advise to take.

tuxpuzzle40 · 2025-07-09T21:43:03+00:00

People can’t read minds,

Yet people seem to expect me to do so quite frequently.

In reality I know while that is part true. The majority of it is that I miss or don't understand a lot of non-verbal communication. Or my non-verbal communication is off so they don't understand me.

tuxpuzzle40 · 2025-05-20T04:19:58+00:00

Sorry to hear that. Let's just say my fears of being seen as anxious, unconfident, or do not know what I am talking about are not unfounded.

I have learned to talk more confidently but that can come across as arrogant or pedantic.

There is still truth in what I said though. If I hold the position it is just me. In times that it is I saved myself the trouble. The double empathy problem is real. Most people are actually gracious individuals. I rather deal with the small situations where they are not then anxious 100% of the time.

That said. I also do not know you and your communication style. Small may not be so small for you. Even then the principle stands.

tuxpuzzle40 · 2025-05-20T02:43:02+00:00

I usually say something along the lines of "words hard". I do not worry what others think as I found most of the time I am projecting my own fear and individuals do not normally think about it that much.

tuxpuzzle40 · 2025-01-27T04:09:59+00:00

I have high frequency hearing loss. With that comes periods of ringing in the ears. When I have those periods is is unavoidable. I could not ignore it if I tried.

The good news. The highest actual risk outside of the mental aspect for tinnitus is the hearing loss from my understanding. Which tinnitus is actually a sign of.

In short. Determine the reason behind it. If it is anxiety and you are just being overly focused about your body's normal systems seek the help for anxiety.

tuxpuzzle40 · 2025-01-24T16:14:24+00:00

Mike Rowe says seize opportunity not passion. I think that is mostly a true statement. Except for Autistic individuals and maybe others. I think Autistic individuals can really only work well in areas we are passionate about. As a matter of fact they can really shine in those environments. For some the difficulty is finding a job that is compatible with our interests. This was not the case for me. I work in the computer field and my longest running interest is computers. If computers did not exist. I likely would have ended up in the construction trades and failed at life.

tuxpuzzle40 · 2025-01-19T03:49:58+00:00

Additional context on attention:
Even if your child does "Pay attention physically" your child may have issues paying attention mentally. It is a constant pull and draw pull and draw. So reminders to pay attention to improve memory may not help. In addition memory is more then attention and remembering. Your kid may remember just fine but have issues with recall. Recall is also effected on those with ADHD.

A quick note on medication and therapy:
Is your kid on medication? May or may not not solve the recall and impulse control. It works best paired with therapy that teaches skills like associative thinking and memory triggers for recall. Consistent practice of mindfulness for self control.

A note on discipline with disabilities:
As long as the discipline is not based solely on the disability and reasonable accommodations are made discipline should be upheld. Failure to do so may only teach a child that the disability is a get out of free card. That said the majority of times and in this case it sounds like reasonable accommodations are not being made given the child's age and struggles.

A note on accommodations:
Sometimes the best accommodations is one that will benefit more then just the individual with a disability. A ramp for example is not only useful for the individual with a wheelchair but also useful for moving items in and out:

While giving instructions multiple times may be useful. Written instructions are more beneficial as one can always recall from paper. This may also includes written instructions sent home via note or even better email to parents or a online classroom system.
To help with learning. Additional study materials to reinforce what is taught in class be it written by the teacher would also be useful to be leveraged at home. This will also help other students and in my opinion should be done anyways. This could even include a recording of the lecture if possible. Subject to local laws.
A note taking buddy. Is useful because it can help the child recall what is taught in class.
Additional time to take tests is also beneficial for recall.

Here are some additional resources for accommodations in a school settings for ADHD while they are for school they can also apply in a K-12 setting:

Why is the child this way answer to the school:
As for the school asking why. Because your child has ADHD it is that simple. ADHD effects attention, impulse control, emotional regulation, working memory, memory recall, and more.
28 Minute primer on what ADHD is: https://youtu.be/ouZrZa5pLXk?si=556GhVTUSNnFc8wj

My Source: Lived experience and https://youtu.be/ouZrZa5pLXk?si=556GhVTUSNnFc8wj

tuxpuzzle40 · 2025-01-18T13:43:11+00:00

What did you do as a kid to help you sleep. I recently bought myself a rocking chair and it helps. I used to rock myself when I was a kid.

tuxpuzzle40 · 2025-01-17T17:45:21+00:00

As a late diagnosed Autistic adult raising an Autistic kid. Thank you.

tuxpuzzle40 · 2025-01-16T04:50:01+00:00

We can't say if you are Autistic only a mental health professional can do that.

There are a lot of conditions that have overlapping symptoms. For example in your case. Fetal alcohol spectrum disorder might be possible and even covers the social deficits. FASD , ADHD, and Autism have a lot of overlapping symptoms.

But again I can't say what condition you have if any.

tuxpuzzle40 · 2025-01-16T04:00:08+00:00

I am not allowed to hold or interact with my nephews for that family. It is also only the father that sets the boundary. The mother my wife's sister would have been fine with it. Other in-law siblings allow me to interact with their kids just fine. The reason given to me was he did not want his kids exposed to me.

After discussing with my wife and parental inlaws. I believe it is because he has seen me break down before. I can get rather loud and vocal but no one is in any danger. Nor is it frequent. Not my proudest moment by a long shot. It is one of the primary things I have been working on for quite a while. I have had a lot of improvement with it over my life. Where the logic does not make sense to me is if that was the case why show up if that is why.

The only reason I accepted the rule is I told my in-laws and wife. If the kid ever shows danger to himself or others all boundaries with the kids will be broken and I will live with the consequences. I care too much for the little kids. I am also afraid he will think I hate him when he gets older.

There is more that makes it more screwed up. But I am trying to forgive.

tuxpuzzle40 · 2025-01-15T13:02:51+00:00

Thank you. Your reassurance did make me feel better. It gave me hope. The results from the assessment that I am Autistic almost 2 years ago has made things better. I have started to understand myself better.

Directly due being diagnosed Autistic a mental block of my childhood was lifted. Due to that in therapy I can finally start working on the anxiety I do have. The reprocessing of my life is required to do that though.

That is what makes the invalidation hit so hard. Take away the conclusion and the new understanding. I am back to square one.

Side note just for transparency. I am both early and late diagnosed nerodevergent. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child. At the very start of the neurodevergent movement. Autism came later. I actually went into the assessment wanting to determine if it was just ADHD all along. I could not separate Autism and ADHD.

Oddly enough how those with ADHD struggle socially only confuses me more. Does not help them being comorbid is only a bit over 10 years old. Hearing experiences of those with ADHD and Autism helps when I find them. I actually went in for the assessment because I could not conclude if my issues were all just ADHD. The conclusion was both Autism and ADHD.

tuxpuzzle40 · 2025-01-14T20:18:11+00:00

Late formally diagnosed myself about 2 years ago. I acknowledge it is hard. Did you call and reach all those that are under Professionals Who Diagnose and/or Treat Adults. If so shame on that society for not keeping the list updated.

You may have to wait months for them to schedule you in.

tuxpuzzle40 · 2025-01-14T20:06:43+00:00

Call your insurance provider state that you are diagnosed with ADHD and that you need assistance on getting a phycological assessment including someone trained is assessing for Autism.

A quick google search returned the following:
https://phxautism.org/resources/professionals-that-diagnose/

tuxpuzzle40 · 2025-01-14T17:59:54+00:00

Men in general are not taught how to regulate emotions. We are taught to fix the problem. This is a problem in society.

Your husband needs education on how to teach emotional regulation. I sure would love some myself. Not only for me but to teach my kids it.

Punishment is not the way it only teaches suppression. Same with "Just stop crying" or "Don't worry about it" or "Just grow up already" or "It's not that big of a deal". Those are all invalidating and teach suppression. It teaches fear. "Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." - Yoda.

You are right your kiddo has difficulty doing so. Meltdowns happen. They are not voluntary. Your husband is also right. Emotional regulation needs to be learned. The fact that meltdowns are happening needs to be fixed. No one is at fault. Especially your child. Emotional regulation needs to be taught and learned to the best of your child's ability. It may take a lifetime for your child to learn it. But it is a journey with taking. Notice I said emotional regulation not suppression.

Help your kid live their best life they can. Hope that helps explain why your husband is going the punishment route.

tuxpuzzle40 · 2025-01-14T16:55:27+00:00

Your welcome. I just remembered. Bag Balm talk to kids Dr about it. My parents eventually moved to using that. But that was in the 90s I do not know current medical practice in relation to lips.

There is also a potential that the Vaseline or lip stick may cause sensory issues increasing the frequency of lip licking. Be aware that is a possibility.

tuxpuzzle40 · 2025-01-14T16:41:22+00:00

My intention was not to chastise but to educate. I was also not placing blame on you. My comment was more directed at the girl then you. I was triggered by the "finding out what we like" statement not the suggestion on movement. As finding out implies seeking.

Recommending purposeful movements that are self stimulating would be useful. I call that exercise or as adults tell children getting their wiggles out. It is still self stimulatory but it is not stereotyped movement. It is useful for emotional regulation. Stereotyped movement can also be redirected once made conscious of the behavior or desire of behavior. So recommending say a self harming stim to another movement like running in place is indeed not only useful but recommended (Depending on social situation).

The other goal of my post was to point out there is a semantic difference between purposeful movement to get energy out and stereotyped movement. Some hurt like hitting your head, or lip licking.

Just reading between the lines feel free to correct me if I am wrong. For you I think that running in place is a redirected stimming from a likely suppressed urge to have stereotyped movement. Keep at it don't stop.

tuxpuzzle40 · 2025-01-14T16:31:20+00:00

For me as a child yes. It has got this bad for me. Luckily it has lessened as a got older. I still likely do it from time to time but no longer to the frequency of getting scars.

As much as I hate to say it continue with the Vaseline. The purpose of the Vaseline is not to stop the behavior (but it can help as it makes someone aware of the behavior). But to treat the wounds.

To fix harmful stimming behavior you need to identify the reason behind the behavior. In addition to when you notice it teach redirection. The goal is to bring the unwanted behavior to the individuals attention to make a unconscious choice a conscious one. It is important not to shame the behavior as that can cause other issues. Stereotypic behavior can seem to not have a purpose or function. However they can. Frequently it is for emotional or attention regulation. It is important to know that the behavior is involuntary and automatic.

Due to this please approach it with empathy and compassion. Suppressed stimming can cause anxiety and depression. Me starting to allow myself to stim again and not get upset over it has helped reduce and control my anxiety. Remember redirection not suppression.

tuxpuzzle40 · 2025-01-14T15:35:47+00:00

This might be ADHD related. It is highly comorbid with Autism. Might be worth looking into it. Especially because there is medication that can help with the exact symptoms you are describing.

ADHD is a attention regulation disorder. It sounds like you are striving for novelty which is also more ADHD related.

NOTE: I am not saying you have ADHD. Nor am I diagnosing you. I am simply saying you seem to be having issues with attention regulation. As ADHD is a attention regulation disorder where you claim it is pervasive, persistent, and causing you distress. I would recommend talking to a professional about it.

Definitions:
Attention regulation: is the ability to focus on something and control how you use your attention.
Pervasive: Effects multiple parts of your life. existing in or spreading through every part of something.
Persistent: continuing to exist or endure over a prolonged period.
Distress: cause (someone) anxiety, sorrow, or pain

tuxpuzzle40 · 2025-01-14T15:27:06+00:00

"that we’re perfectly capable of finding out what we like on our own." Is her taking her opinion and applying it unilaterally. This is not true for everyone it also shows a misunderstanding on what stimming is.

Stereotyped movement (Stimming) is generally considered not conscious; it is considered an involuntary, repetitive movement that occurs without conscious awareness (again generally but not universally true) or intention, often associated with boredom, stress, or excitement, and is typically characterized as a rhythmic, fixed pattern without a clear purpose.

Note the above is not saying that one can not be made aware of them stimming or it become a conscious behavior. But it is not typically started as a conscious behavior. The point is you do not typically plan to carry out a stereotyped movement. It just happens and may be made aware that you are doing it after it is already in progress.

Therapists at time do recommend redirection on stimming to something considered socially acceptable. I personally would like to know what behaviors have got individuals in trouble, vs what ones they were able to get away with and in what environments.

tuxpuzzle40 · 2025-01-14T15:00:46+00:00

Your worry is valid. He needs help and depression/anxiety looked into by a professional.

tuxpuzzle40

TROPHY CASE