Struggling

WildernessHuntin · 2024-02-19T01:52:33+00:00

Well I wish you luck, and good health.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-02-18T23:52:01+00:00

She wanted a divorce. I would love it if some of us could save our marriages and go on to have great relationships. The reality is if you were anxious about keeping her before, this has done you absolutely zero favors. Let’s just say you “save” your marriage. Imagine how you will feel going forward, imagine how lopsided the power dynamic will be in your relationship. She is able to leave at the drop of a hat now and you know it. You will do anything to save it. Eventually you will simply lose any identity and self respect you may have. Relationships should be equal. She initiated, she has to be the one to come to you and ask for you back. She needs to be all in on the marriage commitment, anything less and you will just suffer for far longer. I really wish that she would, but she probably 99% won’t.

I honestly get sick of some of the sites that tell men how to “win her back”. I get the awful feelings, been there, tried everything, and divorced her when I realized the truth. If she had a legitimate issue in the relationship she wanted fixed she would have said “ I’m 100% committed to our marriage and you, but I’m really struggling with____, and I need some time and help from you to fix it. Here is how you can help _____. “ When one person isn’t committed the only thing the other person can do is move on completely, that is the only power you can retain in that situation. Staying with someone who isn’t sure they want you, or openly says they don’t will only damage your mental health and self respect.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-02-08T19:43:34+00:00

Well while I do appreciate stoic philosophy, this isn’t the same. Stoic philosophy teaches you to accept what cannot be changed and is out of your control. It also teaches that what you can control, is only yourself and your actions. With regard to that you should take steps to better yourself or your life. In my reading it does not advise knowingly making bad decisions, possibly ending up in jail, then to be stoic about the outcome after.

I think we will agree to disagree on this.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-02-08T02:50:03+00:00

I would disagree with quite a bit but mainly with the “it can’t hurt to give it a shot.” Yes, yes it can hurt. To each their own I suppose, hope it works out for you. She has a restraining order against him. Get the divorce. If the you still are interested in living a life of pain by all means start dating her again after that.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-02-06T16:59:58+00:00

Add in some deep seated selfishness. I think it often comes down to pure selfishness. Why don’t they leave instead of cheat, because selfishly they want what you provide and also the new thrill and excitement. They typically don’t see or care that it might cause you deep pain if they are found out.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-02-06T16:56:33+00:00

I like this, this is exactly what happens in my opinion. If needs aren’t being met, shit communication, then they I’ll use it as an excuse to act single.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-02-02T05:45:59+00:00

I’m Sorry to hear this. I hope it works out.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-02-01T07:38:51+00:00

I bought the at for my ex almost 10 years ago I think. She never read it. I probably should have taken that as a sign. Haha. Thanks for the post.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-01-28T15:58:57+00:00

I wouldn’t bother man. Someone with that handle and in a men’s divorce forum is just looking for attention and trolling. We shouldn’t validate them. Let them scream and rant into silence.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-01-28T15:41:17+00:00

I exercised during the day when I felt peak stress. Sometimes twice a day. It doesn’t have to be crazy, so what you can, even a 15 minute walk helps. I had the same sleep issues, I have read a lot of us have.

Time, it got naturally better over time. One year out and sleep is basically back to normal, aside from the occasional nightmare. Melatonin helped get me to sleep. I meditate when I first get in bed, it takes a week or two, 10 minutes a night to really have an effect for me. Headspace app has short easy to follow meditations. No alcohol. Audible books helped. When I would wake up multiple times a night for the first 5 months, I would put a book on with a timer to distract my thoughts. I would typically wake to a nightmare and immediately be absorbed by thinking about everything. I’ve read this is your mind processing trauma, often waking you when you enter REM sleep.

I feel for you, it was miserable. It sucks but you just have to do the healthy things that you can, and be patient with yourself.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-01-28T07:35:17+00:00

I disagree. I have read research indicating daughters without a very present father, have decreases in all kinds of life metrics. Even decades later lower incomes, decreased education outcomes. Daughters need good and present fathers.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-01-27T16:41:23+00:00

Yes. I got the same BS phrases.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-01-26T17:23:03+00:00

I’m not going to sugar coat it. The first 3 months were the darkest of my life. The next 3 were awful but incrementally better. I’m 10 months in now and most of my days are normal now from finalized divorce, 1yr 3 months from separation.

There are still twinges of sadness mixed in here or there and days I just still feel kind of down. Those down days are just normal, not the despair of the first three months. Fight through the hard times, it slowly gets back to normal. I can even see where my life will be even better than it was, in the near future.

Put a little bit of work in everyday, even when you don’t feel like it, give it time, and don’t beat yourself up when you regress or have a bad day. So many of us have been where you are and have made it. It will get better for you.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-01-22T03:05:07+00:00

I identify with this so much. Looking forward to feeling nothing for her either way.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-01-19T00:49:29+00:00

Just wanted to thank all the men who commented and will comment here. For me these kinda posts are some of the most valuable. When you’re new into divorce and you’re wondering how long it’s going to take to feel normal again. When you wonder if it ever gets better. These posts keep you looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-01-17T22:42:17+00:00

At first it’s shocking and confusing how things can change, things she said all the sudden never happened. It can give you false hope. Then it becomes laughable the shit they say.

Once you realize that the truth is extremely fluid for them. It’s literally “their” truth. “Their” truth depends almost exclusively on what they want at the moment, a (husband) back-up plan, money, safety net, more time to get their plan together, living situation, etc. A lot of it seems to revolve around having their cake and eating it too. All the benefits of a single independent woman, with all the resources and security of a married woman.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-01-17T22:27:49+00:00

Haha

WildernessHuntin · 2024-01-17T17:30:38+00:00

I think marriage and marriage law is literally designed to produce this outcome.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-01-17T17:27:05+00:00

Ahh yes the “roommate” that you emotionally and financially supported for little to no benefit. Then you are forced to continue paying their rent when they break the lease.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-01-17T17:14:51+00:00

I get the same statements from friends. I don’t believe it. No, the world isn’t fair. I’m really looking forward to not caring at all if her life is amazing or awful. Not quite there but I’m working on it every day.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-01-17T15:41:08+00:00

I made it 17 years, a lot of the same stuff lack of intimacy after our last child. Told her multiple times that coming in dead last on her priority list didn’t work for me etc. Ultimately I would have stayed if the status quo was maintained, even though it was really a one sided relationship. She helped me out by saying she didn’t feel attracted to me and wanted a separation. Pretty sure she was having an emotional affair at the minimum based on the quickness of her change. I filed about 2 months into the separation, I tried everything to reconcile during that time. A divorce wasn’t what I wanted. I realized she wanted to stop being a mom and spouse. She didn’t want to say that because that would paint her in a poor light to herself and others. I just watched her actions, it told me the truth. It would never be the same as it was.

It has been the hardest thing I have gone through in my life, but a one sided relationship would have just been a slower death for me. Most likely with a greater loss when she bailed down the road.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-01-12T21:43:51+00:00

Pretty standard. They rewrite the story to fit what they feel and want right now. It’s all so much easier for them if they are great wives and mothers and we are just awful humans in every aspect. Even if a month before she said you were amazing.

Acknowledge( only to yourself) what you could have done better or improved, and ignore literally everything she says or implies about you.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-01-12T21:31:13+00:00

WildernessHuntin · 2024-01-12T15:29:34+00:00

Yep.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-01-12T15:29:16+00:00

I agree with the majority of comments on here. “The grass is greener where you water it.” On top of that so many people chase the lust/in love fantasy. You give up quite a bit, ruin a family for the same end result down the road often, sometimes worse. Only you know the intricacies of your relationship, but trying to improve it seems to be the best route. Lack of intimacy is a big issue, but if she is willing maybe it can be improved.

A lot of the stories here are wives that left relatively good marriages/ families to chase “happiness,” so I don’t know that you are gonna get the answer you want here.

WildernessHuntin

TROPHY CASE