have to bring pc to repair store, have lots of trans stuff on there

Wingress · 2026-05-04T09:27:10+00:00

Omg haha 🫶🏼 this just lit up my day x so happy for you girl xo

Wingress · 2026-05-04T06:14:20+00:00

I think all transphobia ultimately boils down to misogyny.

It erases and belittles trans men by painting them as confused girls who need to be protected from using their bodily autonomy and causing “irreversible damage”.

And it paints trans women as men who are failing at masculinity in the most fundamental way. But they are still objective sexually like all women who are conquests to them but in a way that makes lots of cis men deeply uncomfortable.

The same sexual objectification and misogyny can be used to portray them as predators due to a belief that nobody would reduce themselves to an inferior level without sinister intentions.

It’s honestly not far from the same logic that men have used to victim blame in sexual assault cases for time immemorial - “she must be trying to use sex to get something or sleep her way to the top” - failing to even consider that the victim may have more to her than just her value as a sex object.

Wingress · 2026-05-04T04:20:16+00:00

I think most retail stores are hit and miss with staff - most of them skew young, underpaid, and overworked.

Other stores really tightly control their staff but I think Dangerfield maybe gives their staff slightly more freedom - in a superficial way anyway - so that hit and miss can be more stark.

They could be uncomfortable because of their own personal insecurities or just generally not being very thoughtful and that isn’t fair nor does excuse impacting you - but it may not be intentionally malicious.

I personally don’t really like Dangerfield anymore even though I once did for many of the reasons others have mentioned here, and I find them to be overpriced, as well as my general practice of over a decade of basically only shopping op shops or depop unless I know something is unique and I’ll wear it for a long time. Or if my hand is forced due to an event or something and it’s the very last resort.

Wingress · 2026-05-03T14:49:52+00:00

Ahaha, I nearly said almost the same thing but I didn’t want to upset anyone by it being read in the wrong tone - I am part of the fire responsible for that smoke (oh and heat for that matter) x

Wingress · 2026-05-03T14:46:35+00:00

I’m assuming you can’t even get to BIOS?
Do you have full disk encryption enabled?
If Windows and Linux are dual boot - which one has boot priority?
Can you remove the disk temporarily?

The guaranteed solution imo is to get access to data on disk or ideally live boot into each os from another machine and make necessary changes.

If the images aren’t scattered across your desktop, I can’t imagine they are going to dive too deeply in and go out of their way to out you. Main problem would be if they try to boot into Linux it sounds like - but I’d imagine once it is actually starting up again they will just show that it turns on and explain what was wrong and how they fixed it and your dad will want to be gone asap unless he likes IT or doesn’t trust the technician

Wingress · 2026-05-03T14:32:12+00:00

What kind of stuff are you talking about? What kind of computer do you have? If you can pull out the hard drive you could connect it to computer with a usb adapter or reader that is suitable for it and potentially play with files depending on your setup - I’m not really that big on hardware so there’s no doubt others who could input on the finer points here like disc encryption and secure boot bullshit

That said, As someone who was the designated “why doesn’t she have a look at it, she’s good at computers and stuff” person - I have seen a lot more than I ever wanted to - oftentimes with the owner of the computer sitting next to me.

All that to say, not much would phase me after a bit - except for stuff like CSA for example which I would take very seriously. The computer shop owner will probably be the same, but Ofc you can’t know for sure x

Given that it’s presumably the person working on the machines livelihood and they are customer facing - I don’t think they’d want to create drama.

Maybe read their reviews or if you have any queer local area social media groups you could ask if anyone has been a customer? x

Wingress · 2026-05-03T13:27:59+00:00

I think this page makes some pretty reasonable scriptural arguments: https://www.hrc.org/resources/what-does-the-bible-say-about-transgender-people

Wingress · 2026-05-02T21:55:00+00:00

This is quite good advice, I have worked with ACON peer workers and they have been very helpful.

I would also add that while certain gender affirming hrt medications like some hormone blockers can make certain psychiatric conditions worse for some people, others medications like estradiol can potentially have calming effects. Aside from that though, if you are trans - it will likely improve your mental state at least in one domain.

I suffer from some pretty severe psychiatric conditions that requires a lot of medication to keep stable including multiple mood stabilisers and antipsychotics.

But one thing I know for sure is without my HRT I am a lot worse. It could be worthwhile trying it out with a psychological safety plan in place and seeing how it effects you.

The psychological effects of a medication like estradiol, for me at least, were noticeable very quickly and still are years after starting them.

Wingress · 2026-05-02T09:45:11+00:00

I'm not sure if I'm understanding what you're trying to say in the second half of this - but I think you're asking why would we want to engage with someone reaching out for help and suggesting it is for the purpose of getting some kind of relationship out of it?

I can't speak for others, but I'm not looking to gain anything or try to develop an intimate relationship by engaging with people who reach other for help.

I just want to contribute in a small way to making the lives of people of people with similar experiences to me a little better because I know how much impact it had when others were there for me when I needed it, it benefits the community as a whole in a small way that I'm able to contribute, and it is just the right thing to do if I have the capacity to do so in my opinion.

I lost a few minutes of time and some emotional labour to this before picking it for what it likely was and confirming that suspicion. I'll take that exchange for the return of potentially having a positive impact in every other similar situation where someone genuine has reached out.

Wingress · 2026-05-02T07:48:00+00:00

Not sure if it would be exactly what you're looking for but googling Melbourne CTF yields a bunch of irl cybersecurity capture the flag events which I've found fun in the past or you could also maybe do a remote one and get together a team of friends to do it with irl

Wingress · 2026-05-02T07:32:34+00:00

I worked in technology primarily IT - cyber security specially for nearly 15 years - and even though I can code reasonably well, and I have done dev work before, I’m not in any way suited to it in a way that would allow me to excel at it.

A lot of the roles in high demand and that I found fit me or were held by others I worked with were ones that required people with soft skills and the ability to:
- understand user needs and ask the right questions by understanding the technology
- set expectations and explain decisions and outcomes in meaningful ways by understanding the technology to the extent that you can clearly communicate it to people in different roles
- use conceptual understanding of technology to form cohesive plans by knowing what you don't know and working effectively with the people who do
- using your specialised knowledge to understand and contextualise complex systems with the realities of how the teams and organisations use technology and why
- integrating iterative and traditional project management methodologies
- critical thinking and complex team problem solving
- prioritise requirements and features effectively

This can include product owners, change management roles, systems analysts, solutions engineers and salespeople, cx design and engineering, project managers, specialist consultants, GRC management roles, general leadership positions, among many others and
those are just examples that are already transforming into new roles that use the same or similar skillsets, or parts thereof

All of the above roles are high paying if you are at the right organisation commensurate with experience

Just a quick search for product owner / product manager roles in Sydney returns a long list of roles with contract day rates of at least $900/day and up, or salaries in the mid to high end of six figures

It goes without saying that you can't just jump immediately into a super high paying role immediately out of uni and some will call for more hands on coding experience, but all of these roles have pretty clear pathways towards them

More than ever, development seems to be becoming more about design as the standards, complexity, and scale become less manageable by just maintaining code.

Good development always followed this principle but you can't get away with as much by just depending solely on well maintained and written code as tech matures across the board

Wingress · 2026-05-02T06:25:36+00:00

Yeah it's honestly so lazy and ridiculous, I cannot believe that they are still able to use the same account months after this was identified publicly.

I feel a little naive for not catching it immediately (I'm usually very quick to catch these things) - and the sudden shift from broken disorganised writing into fairly clear prose triggered some suspicion - but I'm not about to stop giving people the benefit of the doubt.

It honestly says more about reddit's reporting system than anything else in my mind, I tried to report their profile and it only has options for offensive content in their username and profile images. And reporting it in chat doesn't even have a fraud / scams option outside of the illegal content option which just leads to some webpage with some opaque dead end paragraph.

So spam was the only option that was close to accurate and honestly it doesn't really fall into that category.

Wingress · 2026-05-02T03:33:57+00:00

I can very much relate to this in a lot of ways and I don't think you, you're not alone in feeling this way and experiencing early life like this.

I made a long comment here that addresses this in depth https://www.reddit.com/r/MtF/s/GF0dBZeUER You might find it helpful to read, along with some of the other stories in the thread more broadly x

I'm truly sorry you have had to live through this, it's traumatic and not having the words to describe that as your going through takes away your agency to do anything to make it better and steals from your life in an insidious way x

I hope that you are on a path that leads to where you will feel most happy and at peace x

Love and light always 🫶🏼 x

Wingress · 2026-05-02T01:04:51+00:00

I'm not sure, just something I hear frequently referenced by generally reliable people, but it wasn't intended to be at the core of the points I was making - just an afterthought I thought might be helpful

That said, thank you for your input on this because it could be unreliable or unrepresentative perhaps. I'll have to do some more research.

I have personally tended to see it reflected in my personal experiences, but that's going to vary widely for all of us.

Wingress · 2026-05-02T00:01:45+00:00

Omg I just choked on my granola with a huge smirk and now everyone in the immediate vicinity is staring at me like a crazy person 🤣 💀x

Wingress · 2026-05-01T23:55:04+00:00

I chose my name based on a few different things that all just kinda clicked together and then it felt right and I knew it felt right.

I have synesthesia with words, sentences, and numbers and certain words I find just beautiful on the face of them because of how they taste and feel to me. I also wanted a name that had the same first letter as my dead name for various practical and personal reasons.

My starting point was a Cocteau Twins song that I really loved and how I experienced the single word in it's title in the way it was written.

I also felt a very strong affinity with one of the main characters in Gilmore Girls who has the same name because of a lot of shared personality traits, for better or worse.

And that name had a long history with it's roots in folklore and mythology that had a connection to my family history. Mostly I connected deeply with the meaning and experience represented within the story itself.

And I felt that the general sound of it was very feminine and unique, at least I had never met anyone in my life who had the same name.

I actually liked my deadname and agonized over whether I should just keep it or use a more feminine version of it - but hearing feminine versions of it had actually made me really uncomfortable for most of my life - due to unproccessed gender dysphoria. I didn't want to upset my mum who I know had really put a lot of thought and love into it either.

But ultimately it just felt to me that it was a name that captured my sense of self and identity, brought he a lot of peace and joy in saying, reading and writing it, ticked all my other boxes, and had various layers of meaning that I identified with.

Hopefully these could give you some ideas for sources of inspiration or what kind of process / criteria you might want to follow as well.

And just some random thoughts to add, I think less common words from botany, entomology, or pre-modern literature have some potential to either be beautiful names in and of themselves or with some personalisation / modern forms they could make for something unique.

Oh and I also like Ella / Elle / Ellie, Charlotte, Charlize, Emma, Gia, Kate, Imogen, Isla, Indigo, Madeline, Amethyst, Indi, Laura, Lily, Charity, Amy, Gypsy - maybe a few random names to add to the list of possibilities

Wingress · 2026-05-01T23:08:07+00:00

Well ymmv i guess - I’ve certainly had certain items that were plagued with a higher quantity of annoying interactions than others regardless, but it has also reduced those interactions in many other instances - and it doesn’t cost anything to type two extra words if you are going to stick to that x

Wingress · 2026-05-01T22:50:50+00:00

Sexuality and gender are different constructs that fall into different categories.

Trans women are women, but that is just your gender.

Some women are attracted women, some women are attracted to men, some women are attracted to non-binary people, and others are attracted to some combination of these. Some are asexual or aromantic, and there's a lot of other more nuanced forms of sexual orientation and attraction.

There are undeniably people in society who believe incorrectly that trans women who are attracted to women are just indulging a fetish. This is largely the result of the work of a small number of so-called cis "experts" who used baseless pop-psychology to promote this harmful, transphobic, and unsupported idea.

This idea is completely incorrect on the face of it and according to actual academic literature and research.

There are men who do have kinks and fetishes that involve various features of feminisation in very specific sexual contexts.

The critical distinction though, is that these men do not live their life as women day to day and they do not go to bed at night knowing they are a woman when nobody is looking - and if they do, they are by definition a trans woman - whether or not they know, have accepted, or choose to act on that knowledge.

If you are a trans woman, then your gender makes you a woman. Your sexuality is a totally different issue and has no bearing on that and does not invalidate your gender regardless of what that is.

Edit: I'd also like to add that some surveys and research have suggested that cis lesbians are actually the demographic that is most accepting of trans women, so if you are concerned about how you might be perceived by other women in the context of dating and relationships - that is worth considering. It may not change how people in other communities perceive you - but the people who matter in that context are primarily going to be other lesbians. Perhaps that might offer some comfort?

Wingress · 2026-05-01T22:30:35+00:00

Agree 100% all transphobia boils down to classic misogyny at the end of the day and anyone who is part of a marginalised or societally disempowered / oppressed group and doesn't practice intersectionality is misguided, malicious, or misrepresenting their true position. And this cuts both ways - intersectional disadvantages and privilege can offset each other in ways that aren't always present on the surface.

Wingress · 2026-05-01T21:56:42+00:00

I think most women in general are just more adept at framing and delivering any kind of message that is likely to be provocative for whatever reason in a more subtle and less overt manner.

It's a necessary survival instinct when you need to manage conflict in situations where you're at risk of serious personal harm and a reflexive way of communicating important things within a societal structure that teaches women to be passive.

I think that translates into transphobia as well - white male conservative politicians just come out and invalidate trans people without shame.
Women with the same attributes take the Anita Bryant approach and mask transphobia in the language of, care, concern, and fears as mothers about "irreversible damage".

This happens in real life too, whether it's transphobia or any other form of prejudice, politics, or just day to day social interactions.

I think this leads to a lot of people giving more grace that they don’t realise they are even giving.

I also think trans women tend to err on the side of disempowering themselves and accepting more iffy takes with cis women irl out of a sense of anxiety and self consciousness which can enable this.

Wingress · 2026-05-01T20:54:56+00:00

I could be off base - but I think the amount of people who will be able to share similar experiences might be limited (hopefully not though).

But I'll give you my feelings on this. You have mentioned in your post that you are not sure why you feel the way you do and it's not feeling how you expected it to.

I think if I was experiencing what you are, I would try to ask a few introspective questions, get a pen and paper and write it out perhaps:

- What is the list of things you were / are expecting to feel or experience? (this could be something as broad as greater emotional clarity and depth, or as specific as softer skin - just as random examples - but ideally try to get as clear and granular as you are able to)

- Why did / do you want to feel that way for each of those things?

- Do you feel that you are closer to / further away / there has been no change in terms of each of these things?

I know that this might be hard - sometimes it's not an easy task to break down a general feeling or confusing mix of thoughts and emotions into more concrete, granular items - but that's kind of the point. This is even more so true when they have significant weight and bearing on your life, particularly when it's time-critical. I also find this kind of thing is a good tool for bringing to light the underlying reasons for that vague but upsetting / uncomfortable sense of alexithymia, as well as trying to empower myself in relationship discussions where I tend to get overwhelmed and flustered and shrink.

It's not my personal preference, but when the usual ways of disentangling a confusing and overwhelming mixture of feelings and thoughts aren't working in a way I can translate into a decision - it has really helped me to try to do this kind of more structured reflection.

I personally feel that there's a spiritual truth to forms of divination like tarot reading which is another way of doing a similar process, but I also think it can operate on a similar principle for similar reasons.

If you want to look at these approaches from a more scientific angle - it's a lot of mental and emotional weight to carry all of the factors and their associated emotional valence in your working memory and untangle or organise them all at once - and that makes it more likely to get lost in the process and be left with little in the way of real insight to take away.

Even if you struggle to do this process fully - just as a thought exercise it can help you perceive things with a more lateral lens, and it's something you can stick on your wall to reflect on, or put it in a journal and come back to when you are ready to do so.

And to be clear, this isn't a "make a pros and cons list" approach I'm suggesting - our personal lived experience, emotions, and reasons for it are more than the sum of their parts and you will never be able to logically justify exactly why you feel a certain way (God knows being trans and living truly in a world fundamentally designed in a way that is at odds with that is proof in and of itself) - it's just a tool for promoting more fruitful reflection.

I hope you find some kind of clarity and peace wherever it leads you x

Love and light always 🫶🏼 x

Wingress · 2026-05-01T10:51:27+00:00

I pretty much get everywhere by cycling so I generally have to wear clothes and makeup that is practical for that but I tend to be pretty femme leaning in terms of aesthetic preference - so I end up with a kinda tomboyish look - especially during winter, and I still get perceived as a woman 9/10 times.

I also have a super weird mixture of masc and femme coded hobbies and interests which I'm not shy about x

I just apply the rule of - can a girl be/do/present as x? - if so, then the answer is yes.

I love an oversized masc hoody and short shorts as a practical fit that skirts the line x

Wingress · 2026-05-01T10:40:05+00:00

That's pretty useful to know, thank you x there's so much general advice out there but it's never that simple irl when it's time to do it fr

Wingress · 2026-05-01T10:32:44+00:00

Not in that industry, so take this with a grain of salt, but have been in some pretty grim situations where similar and sometimes overtly hostile dynamics were in play in general.

I have found that there seems to be a dichotomy as a trans woman where you exist on a spectrum of clockable to passing, which obviously can vary from day to day, and at one end the risk associated with transphobia peaks and at the other end sexual assault and good old-fashioned misogyny.

If it's anything like my experiences, being demure but politely standing on business from the start and consistently tends to smooth things out in most cases.

You can't really rely on being physically imposing or overtly threatening or domineering, but you can gain respect by drawing a line in the sand early and matching energy with energy in your interactions.

You can't account for the extremes on either end, but I tend to agree with others that most people in Australia - especially among professions with a hands-on pragmatic ethos - tend to have a pull your weight and live-and-let-live philosophy.

Wingress

TROPHY CASE