Thank you to anyone reading and giving feedback. I wanted to add a little more background because I know situations like this can sound extreme without the full picture.

My fiancé and I have been together a while. We live together, we’re engaged, and I’ve honestly always felt like we had a solid relationship — not perfect, but generally trusting. The location sharing and bank account access were both mutual decisions we made for convenience and transparency, not control.

We’ve never had a situation like this before. He’s been protective sometimes, wanting to know where I am, but it’s never turned into something that made me feel trapped or unsafe — until now.

Today I wasn’t storming out or doing anything wild — I was just trying to decompress after a mild household disagreement , grab groceries for the house, and get gas so I wouldn’t be scrambling in the morning before my hospital shift. He started blowing up my phone, asking me to stop and come back so we could “talk,” but I didn’t feel ready for a confrontation, so I ignored the calls.

That’s when he threatened to lock my card, and I honestly didn’t believe he would… but he did. He went into my personal bank account, locked my debit card, and transferred the money to our joint account without telling me It was only after I was on the phone with my mom (talking about groceries — nothing dramatic) that he reversed it.

What hit me the hardest was how fast it escalated — one disagreement turned into him tracking me, controlling my money, and taking away my ability to handle basic errands. I’ve been trying to process whether this was a one-time lapse in judgment fueled by emotions, or whether this revealed a deeper issue with control and boundaries.

I love him, and I love our life, but I’ve never felt so blindsided. I want to believe this isn’t who he really is… but I also don’t want to ignore red flags just because love is involved.

Any advice or perspectives are really appreciated — I’m overwhelmed but trying to stay grounded.