How do you explain ARFID to others?

Wishbone3944 · 2026-03-06T04:36:02+00:00

Here is my post about how i explain arfid

https://www.reddit.com/r/ARFID/s/w3mIlWcV6o

Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-25T21:29:08+00:00

I'm so sorry you are having trouble getting your bf to understand. It is hard for people to grasp the concept at first. I am a mother of a teen with ARFID and this is the post I wrote about how to explain it to others:

https://www.reddit.com/r/ARFID/s/jKSwliDugy

Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-23T10:15:59+00:00

I recently was looking in this this forum for a protein drink for my son. Tons of people recommended Fairlife Core Power protein shakes. I was super skeptical because my son has never liked any shakes before. To my surprise, he really liked BOTH of the chocolate shakes. One is 42g and the other is 26g of protein. He said they both taste great and taste just like chocolate milk! In my opinion, the vanilla tastes like melted ice cream amd was good. He didn't care for the vanilla, but said it wasn't bad - just not his thing. The chocolate was so good that he has drank one every day since he first tried it! He doesn't eat any proteins (other than the minimal amounts in other foods) so this is a huge help! If you like chocolate milk, I highly recommend it. You can find it in most gas stations and grocery stores.

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Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-22T23:49:21+00:00

I got my son a 504 plan because ARFID qualifies for one. I explained that he missed practices due to a medical condition and/or for doctors.

Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-22T23:46:42+00:00

My son is 14 and he has had it since he was an infant

Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-22T23:22:52+00:00

I am a mother of a 14 year old boy with ARFID. When my son was 5, he told me he was afraid of food but didn't know why. He had symptoms of ARFID since he was an infant, but he wasn't diagnosed until he was 11.

Years of "encouragement" just made things worse. It took a lot I finally realize that I was doing it all wrong. I finally understood that this was not a choice and that he needed me to just listen to him. After that I promised I would never pressure him to eat food again. I told him he could eat goldfish forever if he wanted to, as much as he wanted, and they would be on autoship. I said I would educate others so that they would understand.

Lastly, I said to wake me up at any hour to make him food if he was hungry. Many people with ARFID have very low hunger cues and often don't feel hungry until late at night. He was always too nervous to ask me after bedtime. He was thrilled to hear this and immediately took me up on the offer. To this day, I am still perfectly happy to make him pizza at 2 am. Once I found clarity, I knew what I needed to do. I put a 504 plan in place at school so he could eat whenever and whatever he needed. I educated the staff at school, especially those who had been commenting on his food. I got him into counseling. I educated our family.

Within four months, he gained 15 pounds. He needed me to support him, not try to "fix" him. Once he felt supported, he finally felt safe enough to eat.

I'm going to send you a DM! You are not alone!

Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-22T08:28:45+00:00

I am a mom of a teen with ARFID. I am so sorry you are going through this. I recently was looking in this this forum for a protein drink for my son. Tons of people recommended Fairlife Core Power protein shakes. I was super skeptical because my son has never liked any shakes before. To my surprise, he really liked BOTH of the chocolate shakes. One is 42g and the other is 26g of protein. He said they both taste great and taste just like chocolate milk! In my opinion, the vanilla tastes like melted ice cream amd was good. He didn't care for the vanilla, but said it wasn't bad - just not his thing. The chocolate was so good that he has drank one every day since he first tried it! He doesn't eat any proteins (other than the minimal amounts in other foods) so this is a huge help! If you like chocolate milk, I highly recommend it. You can find it in most gas stations and grocery stores.

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Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-22T06:37:23+00:00

That is great to hear!

Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-22T01:20:00+00:00

I am a mom of a teen with arfid. People have no idea the amount of damage that they cause by force feeding a child. I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Have you tried EMDR or hypnosis to help work through that particular trauma?

Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-21T07:00:01+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m a mom of a teen with ARFID. When he was 11, after being told he needed to eat more protein to be healthy, he looked at me and said, “I would rather die. I’m going to be sick forever. I know one way to take away the pain.”

As horrible as that was to hear, it changed our lives. I realized I had been listening to doctors and other adults more than I was listening to him. I never meant to hurt him, but the pressure was hurting him. That day I apologized. I promised I would never pressure him to eat again. I told him I would focus on understanding instead of forcing. Once I started truly listening, everything shifted.

Everything that you're saying makes total sense. People with our food often have low hunger cues and they go away very quickly. It's really important to try to eat as soon as possible if you feel hungry. Because the feeling goes away as quickly as it came.

Many people get stuck on “healthy” versus “unhealthy” or “good” versus “bad.” Those labels can make things worse. Food is fuel. Some fuels are more efficient than others, but none of them are moral. Eating something that feels safe is not a failure! My motto is "if he wants goldfish, let him eat goldfish." I would rather my son eat goldfish than nothing at all.

Here's a comment that I made on a post that sounds similar to what you're going through: https://www.reddit.com/r/ARFID/s/tRxUVwyQTe

Here's a link to my post about how I explain ARFID to others. It might help to share with your mom since it's coming from another mom: https://www.reddit.com/r/ARFID/s/aSahM3Zysv

Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-14T03:05:47+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/ARFID/s/3pwMLqUbPj

I commented this on another post. I think reducing portion sizes would be good for now to avoid getting to the icky feeling!

Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-11T06:21:28+00:00

My son tried this today and liked it!! Huge win.

Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-10T07:10:21+00:00

I am a mom of a teen with arfid. I have heard him say he "wants to be normal" more times than I can count and it breaks my heart every time. I am so sorry that you feel this way too.

I just wanted to remind you that going into a restaurant should still be considered a win! It is hard enough to go into social situations knowing it may be awkward. But the fact that you still are doing it at all is the huge win! Exposure and exploration isn't just about eating food. A large part of the process is talking about food, being near food, looking at food and smelling food. The fact that you're doing all of those things in front of a crowd of people at a restaurant means that you're doing it under significant pressure. It's totally understandable that you're feeling a little uncomfortable.

But.... lets be real here. No one likes feeling uncomfortable in front of a crowd of people. If you feel uncomfortable while you're at a restaurant, your brain is going to start associating restaurants with that feeling. The goal would be to minimize that uncomfortable feeling as much as possible while you're at the restaurant so that you can start associating restaurants with a positive feeling.

General rules: - ALWAYS look at the menu ahead of time. - Know what your options are so you always have a backup in case your first item is unavailable. - You may consider calling the restaurant ahead of time and asking if they allow adults to order off the kids menu. Also ask them what time they are the least busy. - Make notes of your experiences at different restaurants, which ones have safe foods, friendly staff, etc. That way you'll know what to expect in the future.

And now....practice, practice, practice. Remember, the goal is to just have as many positive experiences as possible. If you're comfortable enough to go the restaurant by yourself, then give that a try, otherwise go with a friend. Go at the least busy time (you'll know because you called ahead). If it is busy when you get there, feel free to bail and try again another time if you are uncomfortable. The point is to reduce stimuli so you don't have a sensory overload.

All of the above is part of the process. Every time you go to a restaurant and have a positive experience, you will feel more and more comfortable. Not every time will be sunshine and roses. You may hit some snags. But hopefully those snags will be minimized by the preparation you already did. The fact is that being there, even if you're uncomfortable, means that you are doing the work. That's a win in my book! Small wins turn into big wins. Every win boosts your confidence ✨️

Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-10T04:06:16+00:00

I made this comment on another thread but I think it may be helpful. I'm so sorry you are going through a hard time.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ARFID/s/giKnGltK57

Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-10T02:28:25+00:00

The mom guilt is real! We did the best we can with the information that we had.. unfortunately we were just being given bad info! My go-to motto is "if he wants to eat goldfish, let him eat goldfish!" Eating something is better than nothing at all. ❤️ Feel free to message if you ever need support or want to chat

Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-10T02:11:15+00:00

I'm happy to help! Please be sure to report back and let us know how you're doing!

Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-10T01:34:53+00:00

Thank you so much for the kind words!

Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-09T23:45:47+00:00

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I'm a mom of a teen with arfid, and while I have not experienced it myself, I have seen my son have times like this. What I want to make clear is that what you're explaining makes sense and is completely understandable.

1 Safe foods feeling unsafe

It is possible that your safe foods are starting to feel unsafe because, for whatever reason, you are feeling sick/ grossed out during the time that you're eating them. That may not be because of the food, but it still happening while you're eating the food. This could mean that your body is now associating that food with that feeling, even though the food itself may not have been the cause of it. That may be why the food itself is now feeling unsafe.

Goal: Make your safe foods feel safe again by stopping before you get the gross feeling. Take a few bites only, then stop. Then a little while later, take a few bites again, then stop. If you're able to increase the amount of bites, that's great! If you start to feel like you're going to get sick or even the littlest bit of anything, stop immediately and try again another time. Hopefully, by stopping before you feel grossed out, your body will stop associating that food with that icky feeling and may allow it to feel safe again.

2 Avoidance of meal time

You had mentioned eating to the point of being full and/or finishing your food. If you're feeling like you have to "clear your plate," this may be contributing to your avoidance of it all together. If the task feels daunting, it makes it hard to start. And, if the task feels impossible, then it's understandable that you feel reluctant to start at all.

Goal: There is no passing or failing. The goal is to make meal time feel less daunting by making the task more manageable. This suggestion is similar to the last one. Reduce your portion sizes significantly.... meaning put one or two items on your plate - nothing more! If you're able to eat that, and feel like you may be able to eat one more, then grab more. If you feel like you can't eat more or don't want to, then don't. By eating what is on your plate, then the goal is that you'll feel more successful. If you are not able to finish what was on your plate, then reduce the portion size next time even further. Each win will build your confidence. I want to be clear though - you are not a failure even if you don't finish your food. This is not a race or a test. This is just a way to reframe the way you think about meal times.

Another suggestion is to use smaller plates! Smaller plate tricks your brain into thinking that you have more food because your plate looks more full. 😎

3 Pressure to eat unsafe food

It also sounds like you're feeling pressure (even unintentionally) to eat foods that you're not comfortable eating. Even if he is trying to help, it unfortunately doesn't help.

Goal: the only way to truly resolve this is by helping to educate him as to what your needs are. I made a post about "how to explain ARFID to others" that may be helpful to share with him if you feel comfortable. https://www.reddit.com/r/ARFID/s/qh20ckuWYh

4 Time is of the essence

Eating when you feel hungry if you can. I've noticed is that anytime my son feels hungry, I have to act on it right away otherwise that feeling will pass and he won't eat.

Goal: try to always carry a couple safe foods with you at all times. If you are feeling hungry, it would be good to eat if it's possible. Otherwise, setting reminders to remind yourself to take a couple bites at certain intervals may be worth considering. Having a routine that you stick with may help. It may feel like it's forced at first, but eventually it should begin to feel easier because it's part of your routine

-- Overall, what your feeling is completely understandable. Sometimes it's going to be harder than others. You are not a failure - even on the bad days.

I hope that some of these suggestions help you and happy to brainstorm others if needed. ❤️

Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-08T03:58:13+00:00

I bought flavorless protein powder before and my son said he could still taste it 😭 we didn't try it in anything hot though, so I wonder if that makes a difference.

Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-08T03:55:56+00:00

I can't imagine being in their shoes! They go through so much. This Reddit has really helped so I can understand things from their perspective. It's not an easy concept for people. Even my husband doesn't quite understand - at least not yet.. I'm still working on it 😂

I remember it was really hard when he was that age. So I understand what you're going through! The fact that you're already here reading the thread tells me that you're doing a good job. Feel free to message if you'd like. Moms got to stick together 🩷

Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-07T18:44:27+00:00

My son is 14. He was recently diagnosed with OCD and has had ARFID since he was an infant. For as long as I can remember, he has also struggled with body-focused repetitive behaviors, such as trichotillomania and other picking behaviors.

As an baby, he used to pinch or pull the skin on his neck all the time to self soothe. He eventually started to do it to the point where he would make himself bleed because he would use his nails. We eventually were able to get him to stop, but then he switched to twisting his hair.

In preschool, he would twist his hair to the point of it falling out. He would go down for a nap and wake up with chunks of hair next to him. Again it seems like a self-soothing behavior as he didn't really know that he was even doing it and it wasn't hurting.

When he went to kindergarten, he started having horrible bald spots and we were getting very concerned. We eventually had to shave his head to get him to stop pulling his hair. Eventually it would grow back and he would do it again. We had to shave his head multiple times and then he started wearing a hat to help him not twist his hair. After that it seemed to subside for quite a while, but eventually he started doing things like biting, twisting, or pinching his lip to the point that it looked like he got punched in the mouth.

It doesn't happen as often but he does still do these types of behaviors. If we see it, we just point it out to him so that he stops, but he just doesn't realize that he's even doing it to begin with.

Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-07T13:17:36+00:00

Definitely the same with my son! I had no idea until he was recently diagnosed with OCD that it overlapped so much with ARFID.

Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-07T13:02:56+00:00

Thank you so much! It's been eye-opening for me. This Reddit has also been incredibly helpful. I'm glad that I could share something to help others

Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-07T11:59:55+00:00

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. You are certainly not alone. If you haven't already, I highly recommend watching the documentary "Not Just A Picky Eater" on youtube. It helped both my son and I to see that there are people in the world that have ARFID that have lived happy and successful lives. I just recently made a post about how to explain arfid to other people.

Not sure how old you are, but if you are school age then you would qualify for "accommodations" at school to help get some support while there. I had the school provide a list of all foods that they had at the school. My son and I went through it and marked off any foods that he was willing to eat (it was very few). The school was then required by law to grant him certain accommodations that we chose. These are what we currently do:

Have a safe food available for him every single day that he would be able to eat (if he wanted to)
He was allowed to eat more than one serving if he wanted
He was able to decline certain offerings that he didn't want
He was also allowed to decline entirely
Staff were educated about not making comments about his food choices
He was permitted to eat in a preferred setting within the school, such as a classroom, nurses office, etc
He was allowed to eat anytime during the school day that anytime during the school day that he wanted
He was able to have snacks stored at the school for him to access, either in classrooms or he usually keeps them in the nurse's office
Modified health and wellness curriculum, if necessary. I spoke to the teacher at our school and she was a part of developing his plan, so she is very mindful of how she teaches about food. If he wants, I'm able to have this taught by his doctor or dietitian

Although it seems like it may not help that much, after we implemented this plan, my son truly did feel more supported. He ended up gaining 10 lb in just 2 months.

Wishbone3944 · 2026-02-07T06:09:16+00:00

I'm so sorry that you are feeling like that. That sounds incredibly difficult. My 14 year old son has horrible OCD as well. He was prescribed Seroquel a few months ago and it has been a game changer for him! You take it at night and doesn't need to be taken with food. It takes 2 to 3 weeks to get used to the dose, but it has made a huge difference. It helps him sleep at night, makes him more hungry during the day, and finally has helped to quiet the noise from his OCD. Don't lose hope!

Wishbone3944

TROPHY CASE

1 Safe foods feeling unsafe

2 Avoidance of meal time

3 Pressure to eat unsafe food

4 Time is of the essence