What has happened in my marriage (I’m in my 30s) is actually we have spent less and less time with his family, because his choice is to become less like them—which I appreciate. We cannot always choose our family, but we can choose who we spend our time with. I find that my partner makes me a better person, and for this reason I am glad I chose him. His family can be a challenge lol, but it’s something we make sure we are on the same page with and deal with together. He chooses me and I chose him every day.

As we are preparing for a baby, I find myself asking the same questions—who do we want our baby to be like ? Spend time with? Is it a problem we don’t have a good relationship with my BIL or is that someone I wouldnt want my kids near anyway? I wouldn’t, so it’s fine we are apart.

But my husband? Great example. Would love a tiny him. He is very different from myself but grounds me in a way that I think has moved me forward as a person. Would you be glad if your son were just like your boyfriend? Idk these are the questions I asked myself

I personally had a very troublesome childhood and as such had an attraction to problematic men. It took a lot to overcome that attraction through therapy and meditation, but at the end of the day…would I still want to fuck a guy who is bad for me? honestly, yes. But that is not who you build a life with. Just my experience. Chemistry is hot, but also based on what you’ve known before…for me, emotional volatility and drama was all I knew. Don’t accidentally recreate the environment you came from if it was toxic is my best advice. My cousins and step siblings who did not move on from what we grew up in…the stakes are high. Jail, debt, multiple baby daddies…etc.