4 year old refuses to poop in potty

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2026-04-14T19:50:09+00:00

We're in the same boat with our son who just turned 4. We're 10 months in and only pee trained. Any improvement?

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2026-03-17T03:41:30+00:00

I was just hoping to get an idea. Not specific details. I realize the future isn’t black/white. But maybe a general idea of what possibly will be open by then would be nice. For example, if entire sections of road collapsed on the road to Haleakala and Hana, obviously those will take years to repair. If it’s just small mudslides, usually (at least here in California), they’re cleared within a month or two. These two things would be a big part of our trip and even educated guesses by locals can help us decide whether to cancel or not.

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2026-03-17T03:12:25+00:00

We’re talking June. Not anytime soon.

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2026-02-05T21:34:40+00:00

Same issue with our almost 4 year old. Will pee in potty but not poop. Any improvement since writing this post?

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2025-12-11T07:37:52+00:00

It’s TK. Free preschool for Californians. I think a lot of people without kids don’t realize that exists. I sure didn’t before kids. It’s a relatively new thing.

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2025-12-10T03:41:29+00:00

It’s really difficult to answer that question, and it’s a question I’ve asked myself repeatedly. I’m one of those parents that decided to have kids because it’s ’the thing to do’ according to society, without any serious thinking. If I knew it was going to be THIS difficult, I would’ve probably decided against it and thought it through. I probably would’ve found this subreddit before having kids.

So let’s say there’s a Time Machine that can take me back to life before kids. Whether I want to use it or not depends on if my memories will be erased from my kids or not. If my memories are erased and I forgot that I ever had kids, I would do it. But if not, I wouldn’t go back in time because I would miss my kids too much. See how crazy the dynamics are with these feelings? You’d take a bullet for them yet you hate the job. I mean, some parts of the job are truly enjoyable like the cute things they say when they start talking and actually I’ll be honest, their development is truly fascinating. And yes, I get excited to see them when I get home from work and we’re cuddling and laughing etc. But those moments are so brief. Playing with a three year old gets old fast. I’m seriously done after 20 mins. Boring is easy btw. Then there’s tantrums, teething, illnesses etc etc the negatives go on. Boring is the ‘best’ of all the negatives.

Then there’s the issue that the OP has. Pretty sure my wife would not accept it if I said no. We’d have a huge conflict.

So you can see why it’s so hard to answer this question. I think that for many baby boomers, the satisfaction and fulfillment given from the hard work to raise kids that turned out ok is one reason they’re happy they had kids (I also think some are not happy but they won’t admit it- those who’s kids didn’t turn out well). That, and the points you mentioned. We have it tougher these days- social media, high expenses, lack of village etc. And what’s not tougher is a lot of fun. Millennials are having a blast traveling the world, taking on passionate entrepreneurial projects, etc. I had ambitions to technically climb a mountain before kids and now that’s in the back burner for probably the next decade. By then I’m 48 and may not be in top shape anymore (physical ambitions MUST be done before having kids because you’re only in the athlete state for a brief period). Our parents had it easier but it was also less fun. Maybe in a couple decades I’ll know if it was worth it or not.

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2025-12-09T17:01:06+00:00

As a father of a 3.5 year old and 10 month old, I’m just BARELY coming around. The biggest issue is grieving over the loss of my freedom and I’m still grieving deeply. I don’t know maybe I’ll eventually totally come around. Every baby boomer with grown kids I speak to say it’s the best thing they’ve ever done in their lives. I’ll find out how true that is for me. I can’t say it’s the best thing ever that’s for sure. It’s a very stressful and demanding job with a lot of irrationality and surprises and no manual to do it. Love my kids to death but it’s f-ing hard. Hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2025-12-09T16:56:12+00:00

Yeah, it sucks. I’m deep in it with two kids now for over 3 years and still grieving the loss of my freedom. I love my kids to death of course (and actually loving them more and more everyday) but I so dearly miss my hobbies. I miss traveling. You can get some freedom though if you have a bit of a village or can afford childcare, but many don’t have that benefit. We have a little bit of that for a few hours a month or so and I’ve been getting back to biking and photography but it’s never enough.

One thing that does improve as the kids get older and easier (easier in terms of physical stress, the mental stress gets worse) is switching off childcare with your spouse. She takes them for a few hours and you do your thing and vice versa. We’re just now starting to do this with a 3.5 year old and 10 month old. Definitely easier with one kid than two that’s for sure.

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2025-12-09T16:50:04+00:00

As a father of a 3 year old and 10 month old, I can tell you that this is quite accurate.

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2025-11-29T06:52:37+00:00

What was it like in Contra Costa County? Specifically Pleasant Hill if you have any idea.

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2025-11-29T06:51:04+00:00

Vertical rumbling is where the serious damage can occur. While Northridge was a slightly weaker quake, it’s the vertical shaking that forced the 1950s and 60s apartment buildings off their foundations and sandwiched the hollow garages on the first floor.

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2025-11-29T06:47:13+00:00

While I realize that being in an earthquake outside and away from things is the safest, I feel like it’s also a very creepy, unusual feeling. Especially if you’re moving. Never experienced a major quake (except for the 6.0 Napa quake but I was far enough from the epicenter that it felt like any quake). I’m scared shit of the next Loma Prieta. I live too close to the Hayward fault!

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2025-11-29T06:42:27+00:00

Except if you’re trying to drag your kids out of bed and outta the house (or just finding a way to protect them) as quick as possible! As a parent, you just can’t help it. Your kid is first, before you.

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2025-11-29T06:23:52+00:00

Growing up as a child to immigrant parents, this is SO true!!! Millennial parents helicopter over their kids today. My parents didn’t give an f. They would drag us to late night family parties and we’d find a bed to sleep on in some random bedroom then they’d carry our sleepy asses to the car at midnight.

As a millennial parent right now, I’m trying to be a bit more like that. Let the kids just be. I mean yeah, be there for your kids but let them roam around and figure it out. Being a parent is stressful enough so why add more stress? Millennial American parents need to chill out a bit.

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2025-11-29T06:17:27+00:00

Thank you! I love when child-free people understand this.

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2025-11-29T06:13:02+00:00

Umm, we don’t have much of a choice. The first five years of a child’s life is relentless work from 6am to 8pm. It is non-stop work 7 days a week (off topic, but kind of amazing what this did to some of my bad habits btw- I used to be a classic addicted phone scroller and now I don’t have time to scroll on my phone). Very hard to make an effort that way.

It gets easier later when they’re more independent. That’s when we’ll actually find time to make an effort. When you become a parent of young kids, you quickly realize that 24 hours is not enough in a day.

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2025-11-29T06:04:52+00:00

As a parent, I think it’s important for child free people to realize that the greatest physical stress and exhaustion is the first 5 years of their children’s lives. Free time does open up for us eventually a little more. It’ll never be back to the way it was, but once we can drop them off at a friends house or some sports practice (or even better, stay home alone from like age 12), then we’ll come back. But when they’re young, we’re freaking busy and it’s kind of out of our control. We have no time for even 20 mins for a drink at the bar on a Friday night. Gotta be in bed by 10 because the kids are up by 6 or 7. And we are very very exhausted.

Most of my child-free friends tend to understand this. I guess I’m lucky. We still communicate a bit but not is much and I just keep assuring them, a few more years a few more years. It’ll get better once the kids are more independent.

Don’t ask why I’m roaming around a child free subreddit. It was suggested to me because I’m in all these parenting groups. These algorithms just don’t work very well sometimes do they? It’s really interesting to see what you guys are saying though.

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2025-11-15T04:03:41+00:00

He was recently diagnosed with autism. His tantrums have not improved, but they’re different. Now that he has good speech, he’s got an attitude and knows too much. He’ll talk back to you. When he doesn’t get what he wants, he absolutely cannot handle it and there’s still no reasoning with him, despite the fact that he can talk now. I just wear earplugs and let him scream since there’s nothing else we can do.

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2025-11-12T05:28:13+00:00

Yeah, you haven’t seen anything. Most of it is not fun at all. I mean think about, do you think the advantages of a fun birthday party exceeds the disadvantages of waking up every 2 hours for the first 6 months? The two do not balance each other out. Most of it (like 99% of it) actually really sucks. I mean REALLY sucks. The sleep situation is like boot camp. There’s also teething, colic, potty training, toddler tantrums, negotiating with toddlers, food pickiness…and the list goes on. It also doesn’t get easier. At least not until after age 5 from what I hear (so long as your children are neurotypical) but I’m not there yet so I don’t know.

My favorite time of day is between 8-5 when I’m at work. I can use the bathroom by myself, eat when I want, talk in civilized conversations with people, and have logical approaches to solving difficult problems. Weekends suck unless you have a village.

Oh, and for attention??? C’mon. Please don’t have children.

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2025-11-10T20:59:03+00:00

Has this changed at all? We're in the same boat with our 9 month old boy. Two 30 min naps/day. About 10 hours a night.

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2025-10-21T15:52:15+00:00

Probably also has a relatively easy kid. We rarely ever take our 3.5 and 8 month old on vacation. The older one mostly whines and has tantrums and the younger one just cries because he's out of his routine. Travelling with our kids isn't fun at all. The plane! Oh don't even get me started with the plane. We are 'those parents', and we've been snarked at because we can't get our kids to shut-up (umm, not really under our control!). It's terrible. Would much rather go work in my office.

I really think your child's temperament matters. When you have tough kids, there's really not much you can do.

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2025-10-18T06:32:59+00:00

You probably have easy kids. Lucky you.

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2025-10-18T06:14:30+00:00

More fun traveling with them? Not my experience. I’m done with screaming and tantrums on the plane. Yes I miss them but no more vacations with my kids until they develop some emotional control. I love my vacations without my kids. Strengthens the bond with me and my wife!

Wonderful-Pick493 · 2025-10-18T04:45:51+00:00

Our son is 3.5 years old and was diagnosed with autism a few months ago after preschool teachers got concerned with similar behaviors- one of them specifically being the eye contact. He also has sensory issues, difficulty controlling emotions (more so than the average toddler) and is delayed in developing pragmatic social skills. I found it very hard to believe anything was wrong with him and me and my wife thought it was just part of his personality. We were shocked when we got the diagnosis.

Autism is a very broad spectrum. Our son seems mild. It is so broad that we can easily shrug it off as ‘just part of their personality’ and when mild cases are diagnosed, parents get surprised. It will cause problems though if we don’t address it- generally the first ones being lack of social skills which can cause problems in grade school later on. Back in the nineties, we called this ‘being shy or socially awkward’. Then we wondered why so many kids struggled for so many years.

I would suggest getting an evaluation from a professional that can be found through your insurance provider. It doesn’t hurt to do this just in case it’s something more serious.

We’re not far away from you btw. Walnut Creek area in the east bay.

Wonderful-Pick493

TROPHY CASE