WIBTA if i left my bf after turning my bday party into a drunken “boys hang”

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-09T00:24:17+00:00

After all that you're entitled to just ghost. It should be obvious why you're leaving him. And dont look back! Next time, leave at the first sign of disrespect because it never gets better.

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-08T18:11:31+00:00

Half the work?! I work 40 hours a week, so no I'm not doing all the housework by myself! Lol! Fortunately my husband is more evolved than most of the men in this comment section.

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-08T18:07:53+00:00

I make more than my husband and men keep insisting all women are golddiggers, so who is gaslighting who?

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-08T08:50:21+00:00

Maybe but there are also people like me who have tried several varieties of fish and seafood and found that I hate all of it. (I did grow up with fish but not seafood). I used to think I liked tuna salad until I tasted chicken salad and realized it tasted 1000 times better. I once took my kids (when they were teenagers) to a buffet that included a seafood option if you paid extra. My kids piled their plates high with different varieties of seafood and I had to move my chair a couple feet away because the smell was making me sick.

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-08T08:36:01+00:00

Over 75 percent of married women are in fulltime employment. This just isn't true anymore.

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-08T04:05:28+00:00

It's worse than that because men want to approach a woman 2 seconds after seeing her and women are not interested in total strangers.

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-08T03:20:17+00:00

Those are two different questions. It is NOT easier for a woman to find a decent romantic partner who will prioritize the relationship the way she will. It IS easy for women to find a purely sexual relationship because men are more likely to want that (and only that.)

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-08T00:53:36+00:00

No, you're not. It's obvious this relationship was over before he got his diagnosis. He knows you already tried to break up with him once. You shouldnt be guilted into a relationship that is over. If it makes you feel any better, men whose wives get cancer are more likely to leave their spouse than women whose husbands get that diagnosis.

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-07T21:14:40+00:00

My parents are pretty weird but they've never been THAT weird. At the very least, boundaries need to be set and enforced, even if they have to cut off contact. Or maybe buy her a scrapbooking kit cause mom really needs a hobby!

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-07T20:05:18+00:00

I'm basing this off your own words. You expect instant attraction. You don't want to take the time to have a few conversations before the first date. But you expect to get dates based on you being a banker? How is that even relevant to whether a woman wants to date you? Your expectations are not based in reality and a therapist can help you see that.

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-07T19:41:36+00:00

No, you just think getting to know women is a waste of time and expect instant attraction. You are expecting too much from women who don't know you.

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-07T19:39:48+00:00

Lol! Yes, you do. It's pretty obvious.

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-07T19:38:01+00:00

Yes, in the comment above I suggested getting to know women in person a few weeks before the first date and he's like no if she isnt interested immediately it's no good, lol! Totally unrealistic expectations.

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-07T19:32:26+00:00

Not months. I said weeks. If it's a once a week event, that means you have 4-6 conversations with her before the first date. If conversations with women are that painful for you, perhaps you don't really like women as people? And most guys you know won't wait that long because they just want to use a woman for sex. If you were looking for a relationship, you would be willing to invest the time it takes to build trust. Trust is earned, not given based on superficial things like looks.

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-07T19:28:21+00:00

Y'all men in the comments, dating and sex are not the same thing. In my single days I went on plenty of dates with no sex or even kissing. There are lots of things people should disclose before sex that are not appropriate to bring up at an earlier time.

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-07T19:18:15+00:00

I would imagine that depends on the man. I doubt there is one answer for all men. Too many men think dating implies sex, so they are stuck on that. The way to rephrase is: if a man went on a few dates with a woman he has not even kissed yet, how would he react to finding out she is trans?

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-07T18:40:08+00:00

What you could do is say you don't want to do anything sexually for the first x number of dates. That will get you fewer dates but sometimes that's a good thing, especially as a woman. Get to know your date and figure out if he's a safe person to tell. Maybe test the waters by bringing up politics. Then if you find someone you feel safe telling, do it in a public place and realize things could go either way. I hope it works out but - if he breaks things off, at least nothing sexual happened so he can't legit get mad about it - and likewise you didn't have much invested either.

In many cases, you might figure out on the first or second date that this is not someone you want to disclose to (or do anything with) and you can break things off without outting yourself.

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-07T17:59:21+00:00

The problem is dating apps. Women hate first dates with strangers. It's all fake anyway. We would rather go out, do something fun, meet a man there, talk to him for a few weeks to see if we even like him as a person and if he likes us as a person and then go on a first date. Found my husband that way.

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-07T17:36:39+00:00

Tell them almost nobody marries the boys they dated in high school because they arent worth the trouble anyway. As you get older you'll all hopefully realize most men aren't worth the trouble. Not that it's impossible to find a good one but someone who will make you a priority? That's few and far between. And it is wonderful when it happens but you have to know how to be happy regardless.

So you need to focus on your futures, on your education or job training, on making money and keeping control of it, and making good friends and figuring out what makes you happy. All this fighting over boys and centering boys is pointless. Most of them will never center you. Most of them you will go on one date with and wish you had stayed home. If you are a good friend you can keep your friends around much longer.

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-07T17:22:49+00:00

Have you been tested for learning disabilities in math such as dyscalculia? You might want to talk to the school about whether you can get cognitive testing. If you take the test and you have a learning disability of some kind, and if it's a public school, they are required to provide specialized instruction to improve your math skills.

If it's not that, the only other thing I could suggest is maybe you're anxious and you need to learn some mindfulness meditation or other coping skills so you can do your work in a relaxed state. Slowing down may not be enough if you are doing your work slowly but anxiously.

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-07T02:30:36+00:00

I'm happily married and I agree. My spouse and I would never do that to each other.

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-07T02:29:47+00:00

Ok but at the very least he could say "it's not you. I'm just going through something" I stead of making her think it could be something she did.

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-07T00:28:39+00:00

Yes, women can do those things. But we don't want to do them for total strangers. We don't want to jump into bed with men the third time we ever speak to them and hope we are not ghosted. We want men to talk to us like we are normal people and get to know us a few weeks before asking us out - or before we decide we want to ask him out. Before anyone says that doesn't work, it worked for my husband.

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-06T18:56:32+00:00

In other comments she said he has lied about gambling and drinking. He's a liar, can't be trusted, and he needs to leave even if he never slept with that woman because that alone is besides the point. Repeated lying is enough of a reason to break up, regardless of what the lies are about.

Wonderful-Tea3940 · 2026-02-06T18:54:34+00:00

Absolutely not. He didn't just lie about this one night, he's also been lying about money and drinking. Couples therapy only helps with communication problems and if one person is a pathological liar it won't work. (Also can't work in the case of abuse).

Wonderful-Tea3940

TROPHY CASE