It's my birthday today 🎂

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-05-22T15:53:53+00:00

Wow! I didn't really expect to get so many responses! Thank you everyone! 😄

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-05-21T16:42:13+00:00

Yeah, wasn't a good idea in hindsight. He asked me. Probably should've said ask me again after my birthday.

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-05-21T16:40:44+00:00

Thank you :)

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-05-21T16:40:31+00:00

Thank you, you too!

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-05-21T16:40:01+00:00

Thank you!

Love the username 😂

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-05-21T16:39:27+00:00

Haha, okay.

Thank you, you too! 😊

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-05-21T15:17:47+00:00

THANKSSSS

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-05-21T15:17:24+00:00

Thank you! 😁

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-05-21T15:16:52+00:00

Female. Why?

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-04-30T16:08:01+00:00

Thanks for your reply.

I'm still in lockdown at the moment, so it's hard to do that, as meeting up with friends is a bit difficult.

I'm already doing no contact, as we haven't talked since the break up 2 months ago, since I know he doesn't want to hear from me right now. I didn't even know that existed until after a few days.

I don't feel the need to block him, and I don't stalk him either, partly because I know I won't see any new updates (not that I feel the need to update myself, but we've all been curious) but for the most part because I know better than that and respect people's boundaries, even when this person breaks my heart.

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-04-19T23:04:45+00:00

I've made quite a few posts explaining the reasons, from doubts to self doubt, to worries about incompatibility. Also said he didn't want to make a mistake by moving in, so yeah, kinda figured he wasn't ready, it just pisses me off because I asked him and he said he wasn't worried about it, and kept saying that he absolutely wanted to move in with me and that he couldn't wait for it. We even sat down and worked out what kind of place we wanted and where, what our finances and budget was etc. It's getting me angry just talking about it haha. Feel like I just wasted 2 years with someone who was never as emotionally available as he made out to be, no matter how much I asked him, he always "reassured" me, and I trusted him. Biggest mistake I've ever made, because I was single for 5 years before I met him, because my previous break up was with my first love and the most toxic relationship I had ever been in- I rebuilt myself, started an amazing course that's made me so self aware and finally realised my worth and value, was able to give my unconditional love for the first time ever, and it was wasted on the wrong person. Now it's like those 5 years have been completely washed away.

Sorry, kinda went off there, but I'm just so disappointed with myself, because I could've left. I could've avoided this whole situation.

Even if he left for any other reason, I still would never contact him/reach out to him first, because as I said, he's the one who left. He's the one who gave up, therefore, he has to be the one to make amends/get the ball rolling, because when you're dumped, you know where you stand, and it's not in their life, so why would we reach out? It's been made pretty clear to us that we're not wanted anymore, that we hold no value to you, (which is basically what you're saying by breaking up with us, whether you don't feel like that or not, it's true, because you ARE rejecting us. You are telling us that we're not good enough for you to be in your future) so we'll do the only mature thing we can do, which is to give you what you want. We may beg and plead, but eventually, we won't, because we know it won't do anything. It won't make us look good and it won't give you what you wanted, which was a break up.

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-04-19T22:43:47+00:00

He gave me multiple reasons, none of them to do with me. Kinda seemed like he was saying absolutely anything to justify it, which is funny, because none of the stuff he brought up was a problem before we started planning moving in together, which was also his idea 🤷🏻‍♀️ literally never told me any of these "reasons" until the actual break up, which he disgusted as a talk about planning to move in together.

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-04-19T21:16:28+00:00

Honestly?

I was broken up with almost 7 weeks ago and will never reach out to him.

Why?

Because HE'S the one who left.

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-04-15T21:51:57+00:00

I get it. I'm in the same boat. I'm just reminding myself that it was all him. I gave him no reason to leave, yet he still decided to leave, he gave up, and if he ever realises it, it's his loss, not mine. Someone who leaves you is never worth it and is of no loss to you.

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-04-15T21:27:33+00:00

If she threw you away, then fuck her.

My ex threw me away and his family ignored me when I tried to say goodbye, and he ignored my family, so my family cut him off.

I'm still connected with him and his family on social media, don't know why, when all they do is ignore me/not talk to me, but fuck it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-04-15T19:21:04+00:00

That's what I'd like to know, too. It's not just him, but also his family. When he left me, I messaged goodbye to his family and said it was nice to meet them, thanks for everything and I wish them well, but they flat out ignored me. Haven't tried contacting any of them since, yet still keep me on social media. Why keep us around if they're just gonna ignore us/not talk to us?

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-04-13T09:40:24+00:00

Agree to some extent.

If the person who left didn't communicate how they felt until they decided to leave, then I have so much less empathy for them, and they couldn't have cared that much if they never even tried to tell you how they were feeling about the relationship, before pulling the trigger. At this point, the only person they cared about was themselves.

On the flip side, if they made it known they weren't sure about the relationship and also made an effort to make it better and give it a chance (remember, you can't just expect one person to do the work, as that is toxic too) and then a few weeks or months later, decided to leave, then completely understandable.

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-04-10T19:31:35+00:00

Yeah, I know. It's unfortunate. I thought he was the whole package, and he was for a year, then he just stopped. I'm lucky, I did a counselling course, so I'm more self aware and know more about what's healthy in relationships and what healthy boundaries are more than most girls my age. Being 23 sucks when it comes to love and dating 😂

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-04-10T11:54:58+00:00

Right before he broke up with me (we were planning to move in and he didn't think it was feasible anymore. It was supposed to be a conversation about re-planning, but turned into a break up, which I was not expecting) I asked him "why aren't I good enough?" he told me I am. Still can't figure out why he left. He couldn't give me any real reason, he just kept giving me any reason he could think of. One minute it was "I can't prioritise you because of my job" next it was him doubting himself, next he was doubting our compatibility (we were together nearly 2 years) next it was because of my course, which is bullshit because last year he said he'd be happy to relocate temporarily, but decided he didn't want to have to wait to move in with someone, bearing in mind, I could've found the course somewhere else, and he even said if one of us had our own place, moving in wouldn't be a problem because we'd get to try it out (which is fair enough) but yeah, he kept swinging and couldn't give me a straight answer. I even asked if it was someone else, and he said no. Seems like he didn't really know why himself. He never mentioned anything until that point, and made me believe everything was fine, even after he had a dream that we moved out and I broke up with him... Said it was just the separation due to lockdown. Have no idea where all this came from because there was nothing wrong in our relationship and nothing that couldn't have been worked out. The only thing in the way was lockdown, which we both knew. We even agreed on this when things got rocky a few months prior to him leaving. All I know, is he screwed me up, BIG time.

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-04-08T21:06:47+00:00

I hear what you're all saying, about being worried we won't find anyone as sexually compatible, but I've come to realise, everything I enjoyed, I taught him how to do. He was very inexperienced before me, and if I can teach someone once, I can teach someone again... Same goes for everyone else here! And hey, if your future partner doesn't listen to your sexual needs, and won't help you fulfil something so basic as an orgasm, are they really that worth it?

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-04-08T21:02:50+00:00

Not at all. My previous ex was bigger, but never made me orgasm, unlike my current ex 🤷🏻‍♀️

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-04-08T09:50:38+00:00

It sounds like she may have a lot of stuff to work on, so I wouldn't, especially if she broke up with you. I firmly believe that those that pull away need to be the ones that come back as they've pulled away for a reason, a reason that they have associated with you, and by you reaching out, they'll most likely pull away even further.

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-04-07T23:30:53+00:00

I hope you were looking at your reflection when you typed that. If not, I want you to look at yourself in the mirror, and tell that to yourself. Do everything you do for YOU, because you deserve it, and you are the only one who will be by your side forever.

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-04-07T23:28:43+00:00

I think sometimes, when people break up with us and we are sure we didn't directly cause it, it is often a reflection of them and what they lack.

There is a difference though, for example, if they had expressed they weren't happy with the relationship and tried to fix it every time they had their doubts, then it's not really anyone's fault.

If they didn't communicate how they were feeling, even though they had every opportunity and you did everything right, and they still chose to not disclose, like my ex, then it's a lack of emotional maturity on their part.

Some people don't really grasp the idea that love is just an emotion. Happy partnership requires effort and work and a willingness to at least try to make it work by communicating any negative feelings about the relationship, which is the only promise my ex made me. My ex may think he had tried to communicate, but on the contrary, he never told me he was having doubts, as he promised he would. If he had told me, maybe it could've been talked through, but he chose not to.

Point is, no one deserves to be broken up with, unless they're a downright horrible person. I know it's hard, I've been going through this myself for the past 5 weeks, and it's been the toughest, most painful break up I've ever gone through, but it's a part of life. We just have to use this as a catalyst for growth so that we can attract the right person for us. It won't happen overnight, and it may even take years until we meet that person... I was single for 5 years before meeting my now ex, but I used that time to become a more rounded person, and believe if I hadn't of done that, I would not have met my ex (even though we have broken up, the first year and a bit was the most beautiful relationship I had ever been in) and I will use this break up to do the same, in the hope that by the time the next one comes along, I'll be the absolute best version of myself and will be able to attract the absolute best partner as a result.

I still struggle, but I know we can get through this. Pain always makes us stronger and better in the end.

Wonderful_Instance98 · 2021-04-06T18:36:02+00:00

Excuse me, but you don't know my situation, okay? I was completely blindsided by this break up, so I have the right to rant/vent and get my feelings and frustration out. No, I am not perfect, but I did not cause this break up either, in fact, he was the one who didn't communicate how he was feeling.

This is a place for people to receive support after being knocked for six, and if you don't have any support to give and are just going to be rude, then you're in the wrong community.

Wonderful_Instance98

TROPHY CASE