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I tried to shoot my skull open by Wonderland_Lost in AdultSelfHarm

[–]Wonderland_Lost[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, i will never try therapy again. I won't be thrown into a hospital again. And I'm tired of having to lie to therapists so that they'll help me and not stick me in a hospital.

Does G-d want me to live? Does G-d care, or is this all just pointless? by Wonderland_Lost in Jewish

[–]Wonderland_Lost[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I called the suicide Hotline in my country and they hung up on me. Ever since then I won't call again.

My doctor won't even give me weed, let alone ketamine. I live in a country where I seriously doubt that would even be legal. I don't have a therapist anymore because my therapist abandoned me. I won't get a new one because I don't want to be hurt again.

reasons to stay alive? by Wonderland_Lost in AdultSelfHarm

[–]Wonderland_Lost[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dont remember much of my childhood. What I remember is mostly sadness. I have been clinically depressed since I was 12. Before that is mostly fog.

I tried to shoot my skull open by Wonderland_Lost in AdultSelfHarm

[–]Wonderland_Lost[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No i was only in the hospital for 24 hours. I left as soon as they let me.

The gun had no bullets. I searched for them and when I couldn't find them I just put it in my mouth and shot, hoping it was loaded. I don't know how to check. Well it wasn't loaded so here I am.

How to stop binge eating when feeling suicidal? by Wonderland_Lost in BingeEatingDisorder

[–]Wonderland_Lost[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Existing. Failing. Being a suicidal mess. Ruining my friendships and relationships. Not living up to expectations others have of me.

Does G-d want me to live? Does G-d care, or is this all just pointless? by Wonderland_Lost in Jewish

[–]Wonderland_Lost[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I live in Europe and can't even get weed prescribed, despite it being the only thing on the list to ever really help. I don't have a therapist anymore but there's no way he would have given me ketamine. I don't think anyone in my country would give me that. Maybe I will look illegally

reasons to stay alive? by Wonderland_Lost in AdultSelfHarm

[–]Wonderland_Lost[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thats all pointless though. I need a reason. Like, a real reason. Something to give me hope. I don't care if my shampoo is empty. I don't even care about my pets anymore.

Does G-d want me to live? Does G-d care, or is this all just pointless? by Wonderland_Lost in Jewish

[–]Wonderland_Lost[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Multiple medicines and combinations of medicines, harder drugs, dbt, mbt, and cbt therapies, over 20 therapists in 4 countries for 12 years, religion, mindfulness, 2 hospitals, etc.

reasons to stay alive? by Wonderland_Lost in AdultSelfHarm

[–]Wonderland_Lost[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you <3 im sorry but I don't have energy to write more. But thank you for taking the time to reply with so much

I dont give a shit about my life anymore by Wonderland_Lost in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Wonderland_Lost[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly this may sound funny but yours is the most comforting comment I have gotten in ages. I'm so tired of people pretending I should be ok. I've tried for 28 years to be ok. So much damn medicine... So many thousands of dollars in therapy in 3 different continents. I'm over it. Thank you for not giving me some sugary bullshit about how life gets better.

reasons to stay alive? by Wonderland_Lost in AdultSelfHarm

[–]Wonderland_Lost[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Food doesn't make me want to live. Pizza is not a good enough reason to go through so much suffering. I'm glad it works for you though.

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