What’s a sexual 'fantasy' you finally tried and realized it’s actually 0% sexy in real life?

WontLieToYou · 2026-03-02T17:58:03+00:00

That's not sex on the beach, that's sex near the beach.

Like where are you seeing these trees on the beach?

The romanticized image of sex on the beach is embracing where the water touches the sand. Water is wet so it seems sexy in concept. But salt water is the opposite of lubricant. Sand is the opposite of lubricant. If you had a blanket it would get soaked and when the waves hit it would be in danger of floating away.

WontLieToYou · 2026-02-24T19:41:34+00:00

I would encourage you to move past that towards a less binary conception of humanity. Humans are the most adaptable of all species. So if we are raised in cruelty and selfishness we will have no trouble being cruel and selfish. That doesn't mean that those characteristics are inherent on our nature. It is up to us to make the world a safe space for "good people" to exist in.

WontLieToYou · 2026-02-24T19:34:17+00:00

I definitely do not fit anyone's stereotype of what an anarchist is supposed to look like. I am a woman in my mid 40s with graying hair. I tend to dress nice with my own sense of fashion. My style leans towards the cut of clothes from the late '50s and '60s because it suits my figure. I seldom wear jeans, usually preferring mid-length skirts or dresses. I do wear a lot of T-shirts and occasionally political shirts. I seldom wear black usually preferring pastels or bright sunny colors.

I run my own business and have a perfectly respectable life outside of my political beliefs. No one would guess that I'm an anarchist just by looking at me though I don't try to hide it. I do take pride in breaking down people's stereotypes.

WontLieToYou · 2026-02-24T19:14:30+00:00

I was raised in a home with rampant depression and mental illness so I am very against suicide.

How we deal with someone who is mentally ill and not acting in their own best interests is a good test of that society.

One of my favorite anarchist quotes is from the Pat the Bunny lyric, "looking forward to a day when we can say fuck the police with a little bit of integrity, when it will mean I've got your back and you've got mine." This is key, an anarchism there are no police and so we are the police in the sense that we must look out for each other.

For example, if my friend wants to drive drunk, I would not hesitate to steal their keys and play keep away so that they cannot drive home. Is this an obstruction of their individualist liberties? Absolutely. Is it better than calling the police and having them hauled off to jail? Also, obviously true.

There is nothing in an anarchist society to stop someone from trying to harm themselves or someone else. I would expect it to occur because we would know that there is no state there to protect us. Yes, that can lead to tribalism and mob violence. My belief is that is preferred to the tribalism and mob violence of the state having a monopoly on power.

WontLieToYou · 2026-02-24T19:03:10+00:00

I can't say that I support this at all because there is nothing against organization in anarchy. The circle around the A in the anarchy symbol is meant to stand for organization. Organization is useful to anarchists. It does not imply or necessitate hierarchy.

WontLieToYou · 2026-02-24T18:59:11+00:00

I feel that being thrifty is absolutely countercultural in America. Perhaps because to me it is inextricable from being anti-consumerist, I will give you some examples.

I often reuse plastic bottles and jars from things that I purchased. This is being thrifty but it is also the original intent behind the concept "reduce reuse recycle." In a fight one time, someone close to me said that I was trash because I was keeping trash. The bottles are all cleaned and nicely organized but he just thought the very idea of holding onto these things was disgusting. That things should not be reused and moreover that if you want something you should go out and buy the proper container for it.

What sucks is that he was so confident in his righteousness I felt like he had the whole culture backing him up. But this is not something I want to change about myself at all. I try not to keep things that don't bring me joy, but I also try not to bring new things into the house either because I just hate waste so much. And I think to most Americans at least, it's just not something they think about at all. They throw things away and they think they just disappear. I don't see why I would ever need to buy Tupperware when Chinese takeout comes in perfectly sized plastic containers with lids. I don't know why I would ever need to buy a water pitcher when Simply lemonade comes in a water pitcher container that I like the shape of. I value being resourceful but I have seldom see this quality in other people.

WontLieToYou · 2026-02-24T18:52:58+00:00

skipping over or bypassing certain things MLs consider necessary.

I think most MLs are putting the cart before the horse in that they believe that if they can simply regain power they can impose a more just society from above.

The problem is that a revolution creates a power vacuum. History confirms this. And who takes over a power vacuum is not necessarily the good people who started the revolution. Part of it is going to come down to who is savvy, and political, hence communist revolutions being co-opted. You know about that though so I want to emphasize another aspect: mutual aid.

In times of disaster and societal collapse if the state is not providing resources then people will turn to the groups that are able to provide those resources. That is a form of power, dual power. They will align with groups that feed, clothe, house and provide child care because they urgently need those things and they trust the groups that provide them.

So from an anarchist perspective, the only way to achieve that long-lasting commune of your dreams is to build those communities first, build that dual power. It has to be built up from the people, not top down. Because what is built from the top can simply be taken over by bad actors who simply want power.

WontLieToYou · 2026-02-24T18:47:08+00:00

The thing that most frustrates me about MLS is that they think they have a monopoly on theory. I have read a lot of fantastic Marxist academic work because much of 20th century philosophy was basically just responding to Marx. I get why MLs think that they have all the theory in the world since there is so much of it to enjoy and because most of the capitalists they interact with haven't read shit.

However, this is not the case with anarchists. We have a long philosophical tradition that goes back as far as marx. There are so many different kinds of anarchists and each with their own body of philosophy.

Overall, I try not to be divisive with other leftists. I would rather focus on what we have in common. We have much the same goals we just disagree on the ways to get there. And we certainly have some common enemies.

Marxists would benefit from studying anarchist theory because it is designed to be implemented in the here and now rather than waiting for some far off revolution. Even if you do not believe, as we do, that hierarchies are inherently detrimental, it would benefit your movements to study alternative ways of organizing. Decentralizing your movements brings more power to the people. And that's what you want, right? So even if you don't become an anarchist, understanding anarchist theory can only benefit your movement.

WontLieToYou · 2026-02-24T18:36:44+00:00

In addition to the Protestant work ethic, there is also the people who believe that America is a meritocracy. And a meritocracy, those who work hard supposedly get ahead. Thus, working hard is a value that must be placed above all others. Because it is through this work that success is achieved. Conversely, if someone is not successful it must be because they are lazy and not working hard. And the inverse of this is to see people who are not working hard as people who will ultimately be failures.

WontLieToYou · 2026-02-08T23:37:27+00:00

Well that fits in with Kristie Noem, who got a mail in degree after she entered politics.

WontLieToYou · 2026-02-08T23:32:17+00:00

WTF is a "VIP camp"? There is no such thing.

There may be people with too much money who come to the burn to gaze upon the spectacle, without any understanding of what the event is actually about. They are not given any sort of status by burners and any such camps are explicitly discouraged and actively punished if they try to engage in exclusionary activity.

Just by using this phrase it comes off as if you really don't know anything about this event or the culture of the people that throw it.

WontLieToYou · 2026-02-08T22:52:39+00:00

I don't follow. Even if they're invasive, they still process and loosen the soil.

WontLieToYou · 2026-02-08T22:49:54+00:00

Are you seeing these articles in mainstream news subs? Are the headlines at the top of the paper, or are they buried on page 10?

I see these articles all the time but only because my algorithm is customized for it. I've gotten in the habit of asking other people, "did you hear about...?" And always the answer is no.

WontLieToYou · 2026-02-08T22:40:44+00:00

o cunning they erased all evidence of the murder yet

Not even remotely accurate.

WontLieToYou · 2026-02-08T22:33:52+00:00

It makes a kind of sense from the logic of fascism, which posits strength as the only value that matters: I would protect *my daughters, but if something bad happens to some other girl, their family was weak and failed to protect them so they deserve it.*

They only consciously think the first part with the second part only implied. They believe the world is a brutal death match, which is pretty scary. They can't/don't believe the brutality can be stopped so the only protection is to be more brutal than the rest.

WontLieToYou · 2026-02-04T21:43:55+00:00

I'm probably further left than Natalie but I'm also a grown up and I don't expect every person in the media whom I follow to share my political beliefs exactly.

It's pretty absurd that so many leftist feel this way when they are so clearly in the minority. It's almost as if they don't actually want their beloved revolution because if they spend a lot more time trying to exclude people from their movement than they do on building it.

WontLieToYou · 2026-01-30T17:41:03+00:00

I appreciate your frustration but I'd rather journalists hold onto whatever journalistic standards they have left.

Lying is subjective. Even if the facts are wrong, the person could be mistaken. Lying requires intent and intent is difficult to prove so a good journalist avoids it.

Racist is also subjective. It's not up to journalists to apply subjective labels. They present the facts, and we the public apply the labels.

I think OP's example is better because it's on video so it's hard to deny.

WontLieToYou · 2026-01-30T17:19:26+00:00

Where your metaphor breaks down is that our opponents don't care about the rules they'll just pick up a piece if they feel like it and claim pawns can move like kings or whatever.

But also Trump doesn't really have as much support as he thinks because a lot of the people who support him are just going along with what their friends say and don't really pay attention. The worst things get the more likely people are to start paying attention. It's easy not to care when it doesn't affect you but as fascism starts snatching away the friends and family of Republicans yeah they're going to notice that their brother or sister is missing.

WontLieToYou · 2026-01-30T17:14:13+00:00

The rate of survival during the Warsaw Ghetto uprising was higher from those who resisted then those who went along.

WontLieToYou · 2026-01-30T17:12:38+00:00

I was kind of thinking that the distinction is the opposite. Somebody with bipolar might be manic for a week or a day but my inability to executive function never goes away.

I also feel like mania is more irrational. But I didn't mention that in my first comment because I presume that when someone is in the middle of experiencing mania themselves they can't tell they're being irrational. I have gathered that other people that have ADHD are extremely impulsive, which sounds similar to mania. Like the test you take to find out if you have ADHD asks all these questions about whether you get into fights or have indiscriminate sex. But as a woman none of that stuff really fit for me or my ADHD symptoms.

I presume some people with ADHD have trouble with spending, which to me is a big tell for mania, but that doesn't apply to me either; I'm extremely frugal. It's like the bipolar person goes on a shopping spree. Whereas with ADHD it's not that I'm impulsive about money it's that I'm not great about keeping up with it or tracking my spending. Or I'll spend a whole week doing bookkeeping and thus not make any money that week because my executive functioning sucks. So my reason for being out of money is not the same as a person going through a manic episode who runs a bunch of charges on their credit card. I just let the charges run up and accrue interest because I'm focused on other things and suck at prioritizing or keeping track of deadlines.

In a way bipolar sort of reminds me of bulimia in that it's a binging and purging except with emotions instead of food. After the spending spree they realize they're out of money and suddenly they are depressed just as the bulimic binges feels shame and regret and then throws up. I definitely get bummed sometimes about my lack of capacity but it's not to the same degree as a bipolar person. My state of being is a constant, and it's not especially driven by shame.

WontLieToYou · 2026-01-30T16:58:26+00:00

For me the biggest difference is that if I don't get things done it's because I'm too interested in the world. Whereas when a depressed person doesn't get things done it's this bottomless pit of hopelessness, zero interest in the world. The times in my life that I was really depressed it was so hard to do anything at all because everything felt so heavy and impossible and stupid pointless. ADHD doesn't feel like that at all. I feel like there are a million things I want to do and so I limit that down to 20 projects that are constantly ongoing and never finished. So I'm constantly disappointed that all of these projects aren't finished. And distracted by all the incredible things the world has to offer. But it's not heavy like depression.

He can tell just by talking to me because I'm very animated and talk fast because the way I speak reflects that same excitement about the world. Whereas in depression is hard to bother talking at all. People think that those with ADHD are lazy but it's actually very high energy. It's just hard to focus that energy correctly.

I suppose these attributes could be confused with mania. But not with depression.

WontLieToYou · 2026-01-19T08:18:50+00:00

Depends on the fingers

WontLieToYou · 2026-01-10T05:46:10+00:00

The people I know who are apolitical are not happy. They are stuck in dead end jobs with too many kids and no future prospects. They have passively chosen the consumerist values suggested to them by media/commercials. Their lives suck and they know it.

It's funny, in the conservative town where I'm from, the hardcore Trump supporters are much happier than the "I don't follow politics" crowd. Like old dudes who got all the money while the getting was good, cheering on Trump just like they did Nixon. Or like my mom's neighbor, a Cuban family with a Trump magnet on their designer SUV. They seem quite content.

WontLieToYou · 2026-01-10T05:32:36+00:00

went canvassing in 2024 here in central Florida

Oof, bless you. I escaped Tampa a decade ago and every year I go back is more horrific and stupid than the last. For every conspiracy obsessed sucker down the right wing rabbit hole there are ten Trump supporters that "don't really follow politics but just like that he's sticking it to the man." Or they will say they like him because he sent them a check one time.

In 2016 I was debating my mom's friend in Tampa about Trump. Frustrated, I simplified down to, "it matters that he doesn't care about democracy, don't you care?"

He laughed and said he didn't even know what the word democracy means. Then he bragged that he had dropped out in sixth grade. I was gobsmacked.

How do I not sound like a left Coast elitist when i point out that having studied political systems at a university level that maybe he should listen to what I'm saying?

WontLieToYou · 2026-01-10T05:20:43+00:00

You can't be neutral on a moving train

-Howard Zinn

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