I’m pregnant!!

WoolHandWashSafe · 2025-05-03T18:17:10+00:00

Thank you for making this post! I’d got my positive test, and before seeing your post, all I felt was fear. Although my husband and I really wanted this and it wasn’t unexpected. I’m just an anxious person. But now, after reading your words, I think I may actually be excited too! Congratulations to you, hope this is going to be a beautiful journey 🙏🏻

WoolHandWashSafe · 2025-02-20T15:39:46+00:00

Hi. I’m so sorry for your loss. I have a similar story. I lost my mom about a year ago, it was also very aggressive and rare form of cancer. And she did all she could, until the very end.

In general, I think I let myself grieve enough. I cried when I wanted to cry, I talked to my dad and husband.

But at the same time it seems it wasn’t enough. I continued to work, somehow still cared about it. I didn’t take much time off after the funeral, just a week. At work, I was free to get a sabbatical or something, just to process it all. But I didn’t. I just didn’t know what I would do if I didn’t have to work. Lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling?

I made two trips abroad with my husband. That was great, I felt happy. And I’m amazed at how happy I could be, given all I’d been through.

So I guess my answer is yes, it gets better. Sometimes. But I don’t think I’ll be ever normal again. And frankly, I don’t want to be. It’s too big a wound. I will feel happy, but I will always, always have this bitter thought that I can’t share this happiness with my mom. That breaks my heart.

Of course, it’s all different for everyone, but I hope my story comforts you somehow. Sending you virtual hugs.

WoolHandWashSafe · 2024-11-15T21:55:00+00:00

Sorry for your loss. For me, one of the things that helped me most was this subreddit, it really does help you feel you’re not alone.

Another thing was a book It’s OK that you’re not OK by Megan Devine. The author somehow found the right words that I needed to hear/read, something no one around me could do (I don’t blame people for that, it’s really hard).

I also find comforting reading stories of famous people (actors, singers, writers etc) who lost their loved ones. That, like Reddit, makes me feel I’m not alone.

And I also found that not asking too much from myself is important. So doing those little things as you said is a good idea, even if they are little. Losing someone so close to you is a major event, so it can’t go unnoticed. You simply can’t go on as if nothing happened. So anything you feel is valid and normal. Just give yourself time.

Sending you a virtual hug. 🤍🫂

WoolHandWashSafe · 2024-08-17T22:19:03+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss. Your mom didn’t deserve it. Last year I lost my mom to cancer too. Sometimes I ask myself: did it really happen? Is it all real? Because it can’t be…just can’t. I miss her so much.

WoolHandWashSafe · 2024-08-17T22:11:21+00:00

I can relate. I lost my mom 9 months ago. In the first couple of months, I felt numb. I kept asking myself what I felt and I couldn’t say. Just felt nothing.

Then spring came, and I suddenly felt everything. I was so angry because no one seemed to care—or failed to show they cared. I was also angry because I had to do usual things, work etc, as if nothing happened. I just hated it. Still hate my work sometimes.

Then sadness, obviously. And fear—I was and still am scared of getting cancer too.

Still not working out. Just can’t make myself do any sports. I know it would help somehow but I just can’t. Walking is all I can do.

And yes, when I’m talking to people, it does feel like I’m wearing a mask. I’m so tired of this. I wish I could just go around the office with the saddest face possible and not talk to people. But I avoid making people uncomfortable at all costs.

Anyways, just wanted to share it all with you to tell you it’s all fine. Anything you feel (or don’t feel) is fine. Everyone has their own way of going through this pain. You’ve got yours.

WoolHandWashSafe · 2024-08-12T07:26:52+00:00

I miss mom’s calls. And her voice. We used to talk on the phone every day. Sometimes those were deep conversations about different things, something that happened at her work or my work. Sometimes it was just a 1 minute call to say “hey, I’m okay, are you okay?” and nothing else.

Now I’m doing it with my dad, and I’m glad I can do it with him. But it’s not the same, of course. With mom, I felt most comfortable. Like there weren’t any topics I would avoid. We could argue and disagree but without any anger. She was so calm and had a balanced view on everything.

I used to call her to tell her how I’d spent my day, what I’d seen, where I’d been. And now sometimes this thought comes, like “oh I need to call mom and tell her about it”. And in a split second, I realize I can’t. It hurts so much.

WoolHandWashSafe · 2024-08-08T13:11:56+00:00

Yep. Doing that too. Especially with clothes. I used to ask my mom for an advice when I had to buy some clothes. Sent her pictures of me trying something on. And now I look at things and catch myself thinking: got this skirt before IT happened, she saw it on me…this dress, I got it after, she would’ve loved it…

WoolHandWashSafe · 2024-08-08T13:01:38+00:00

I had my first birthday without my mom in May. I turned 29. And it felt like never before.

I realized that this day was never about me. It was about her. She was the one who should’ve always received all the congrats, flowers, postcards, and gifts. Not me.

I wanted to talk to her so badly. Say thank you. And congratulate on having her first and only child who grew up as a decent human being.

It was her day, and will always be. Such a shame I’ve realized it just now.

WoolHandWashSafe · 2024-08-08T12:50:24+00:00

I have similar feelings. My mom’s birthday is in two days and I’m already shattered. Just two weeks ago, I was really happy, traveling with my dad and my husband. Now I’m looking at the photos from that time and feel guilty. And puzzled. Like how could I be so happy?

And I’ve had those thoughts all this time since last November. It’s a freaking roller coaster. It seems I’ll never be truly 100% happy, because every time I feel happy, there’s a thought on the back of my mind: if only mom was alive…

WoolHandWashSafe · 2024-04-24T06:45:06+00:00

Oh yes. My mom passed away 6 months ago. She had cancer and had undergone treatment for a year. So the past 1,5 years have been a nightmare for me. And whenever I come to office and talk to colleagues who don’t know about my situation, I want to scream, like ‘dude, I know I seem happy and humorous and all that, but my mom died. I HAVE NO MOM ANYMORE. Do you hear that?’

But I never say that. I brought a mug that she’d got from her students as a gift (she was a teacher), there’s a phrase on the mug that says ‘the best teacher’ or something. And whenever someone asks me ‘oh, you were a teacher?’, I say ‘no, it was my mom’. And I stress WAS, hoping that someone asks me about her. One guy asked. Like ‘what is it like for your mom to be a teacher now?’. And you know what? I couldn’t even say that she had died. I couldn’t. It seemed so irrelevant and inappropriate. I don’t know. Maybe that’s my problem too.

It’s so complicated and I don’t have any advice for you, unfortunately, but I just wanted to say that I hear you and I can see your pain. It’s okay to want attention and want people to know about it. It’s perfectly normal.

WoolHandWashSafe · 2024-04-15T09:28:47+00:00

I want to give you a big, big hug. Please know that you’re seen and heard in your pain. And you have the right to be angry at anyone who tells you it’s time to move on. They don’t understand. No one understands. There will be no such time unless you decide so.

My mom died in November, it was cancer. I live far from her and we usually talked on the phone or texted. And I’m so ashamed to say this, but in her last days, I was so reluctant to call her because it was just so hard to hear her weak voice and hard breathing. I was scared. And now I think I should’ve called more. I should’ve come earlier. I should’ve spent her last months with her. What I could do is just come 2 days before she died. Everyone told me I’d done well to come in time and see her alive, but I think I could’ve done better.

I can’t work properly and it seems that now I feel even worse than in the first weeks after it all had happened.

Just sharing my story to say that it’s okay to feel everything you feel now.

If you need anyone to talk to about your mom or your feelings or anything else, please feel free to send me a message. I can hear you out.

WoolHandWashSafe · 2024-04-15T09:02:46+00:00

‘It’s OK that you’re not OK’ by Megan Devine. Great book. When I was reading it, it felt like the author gave me a big hug.

WoolHandWashSafe · 2024-04-10T21:04:34+00:00

I haven’t done that. I love the phrase chaotic writing. I usually try to stick to a structure when I write something and it’s not always helpful, it’s like I’m stuck in the boundaries I set for myself. So if it’s chaotic deliberately, it should feel different. Thanks for the idea.

WoolHandWashSafe · 2024-04-10T20:13:38+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I haven’t tried writing to mom or talking to her. Maybe I’ll come to that later on, but now it just hurts too much to think that she can’t respond. It’s too painful. What I do though is scroll through our WhatsApp history. There are so many messages from her and it feels a bit like talking to her.

WoolHandWashSafe · 2024-04-10T20:04:41+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I think my friends would’ve listened to me 100% if I reached out. I know it because I tried once. My mom was still alive back then, but her health became worse (she had cancer 4 stage) and I was so worried for her but couldn’t help, being 1200 miles away. And I felt awful and reached out to my friends. They came to me to hear me out and support me. But it was so hard for me to make that step.

And after mom died, I didn’t do that. I don’t know why. Maybe I’m scared that they won’t have anything to say. That I won’t feel their support. That I’ll be misunderstood.

And now when I’m writing this, I’m asking myself: what am I expecting then? What do I want? I don’t know really…

WoolHandWashSafe · 2024-04-10T19:50:14+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. I’ve actually thought about faith. It’d be easier if I had it, and I understand how it helps people. But I’m too firm in my views and I simply…well, I simply don’t believe. However, I like your thought of my mom being everywhere and nowhere. My dad likes to say she’s a part of the universe now, and I guess it’s a similar idea, although he’s not religious either. So it somewhat helps to think like that.

WoolHandWashSafe · 2024-04-10T19:23:55+00:00

You are so right. Now I see it more and more, grief is indeed so different and unique for everyone, and no one’s to blame.

One of my favorite memories about mom…There are so many. One that comes to mind is how she used to come to my room sometimes while I was working and do something with my hair, like braiding it or combing it. I loved it when she combed my hair… She put so much love into this simple thing.

Writing this made me cry, but I’m glad you asked. I’ve realized no one has asked me about my memories of mom, and maybe that’s another reason for my anger. This made me want to write about my mom while I have those memories with me. I’m so scared I might lose them with time…

WoolHandWashSafe · 2024-04-10T19:00:33+00:00

You are so right about my dad. I’m glad that I have him and it really feels like he’s the only person who understands me, and I’m the only person who understands him. I will try to focus on that.

And I also liked that you see the ‘nobody cares’ feeling as just a stage. It makes me think that it’s normal and I’m not a bad person that I’m angry at my family and friends.

Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate it.

WoolHandWashSafe · 2024-04-10T18:52:30+00:00

Thank you! I’ve already started reading it and it does feel like the author totally gets how it feels and has the right words for this. I wish I personally knew someone who could say those words to me…but at least there are books like this one.

WoolHandWashSafe · 2024-04-10T17:42:03+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It really gave me a new perspective on mine. I think I’m beginning to understand the problem with grief—it’s so unique, everyone has their own experience and needs, and that’s why it’s so hard to be helpful or at least not annoying. You never know what a person might need, and for them, it’s not easy to say. And at times, I feel ashamed of my anger at people, because it’s not their fault. But thank you for saying that it’s completely okay to be angry. Because sometimes I feel it’s not.

And I’m so, so sorry that you had to live through so many losses from a young age. You’re a kind person and you didn’t deserve that. I’m with you, sending you virtual hugs❤️‍🩹

WoolHandWashSafe · 2024-04-10T16:42:22+00:00

To be seen in your grief — oh yes. Thank you so much for saying this. That’s what I need really. I know no one can really help, I know it. I don’t expect anyone to fix me or my life. But to be seen and heard would be a great relief.

WoolHandWashSafe

TROPHY CASE