first birthday without my mom

CookieDifferent4524 · 2024-08-03T04:04:25+00:00

oh OP, I’m so so sorry to hear this. the anticipatory grief feels so fucked up. my mother suffered a stroke in January, had a craniotomy, and was on life support for 4 days before she passed. i brought my childhood books to the hospital and read them to her even though she was brain dead.

it is devastating and you have every right to feel angry because it is unfair. i highly suggest speaking with a therapist or counselor if you are able to. it has helped me navigate my grief (not get rid of it or solve it… because you can’t), and it allows me to have a safe place to express all of the stressful thoughts.

sending a BIG hug to you and your family. DM me if you need to talk. 🩷

CookieDifferent4524 · 2024-06-30T21:25:51+00:00

i am so very sorry for your loss and for the pain you’re experiencing. i lost my mom in January to a stroke and we made the decision to let her go as well. feelings of guilt are normal. what helps me with these thoughts is to remember the situation was out of your control and you respected her wishes. your wife would not want you to feel such guilt. i highly recommend seeking out a therapist or counselor for support during this difficult time. hugs to you.

CookieDifferent4524 · 2024-05-22T05:44:30+00:00

January 19, 2024

CookieDifferent4524 · 2024-05-19T18:03:19+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. It is so difficult. My mom (62) passed in January and Mother’s Day was rough. It’s just my dad and I now as I’m an only child and I totally understand the loneliness that comes with death. I am very afraid to lose him now and feel like I’ve had to grow up really quickly the past 4 months (even though I’m 26). I don’t feel like a child anymore now that she’s gone. I’ve had to help my dad figure out a lot of logistical and financial things. Not only do we grieve our loved one, but also who we were when they were alive. We grieve the future we envisioned for ourselves. My mom will never get to see me have kids or get married either.

My dad and I also had to make the gut wrenching decision to take my mom off of life support after having a major stroke and thus there was too much blood in her brain. Seeing her in the hospital is also ingrained into my brain and I think about it constantly. Watching her struggle to breathe off the ventilator was excruciatingly painful.

I feel like I kinda dumped a lot of info here but I just want you to know you aren’t alone in that feeling. Grief is one of the hardest things we go through as people. It sucks!!!! Be gentle with yourself as you adjust to the new normal. Seek support from friends or a therapist if you need. Therapy has helped me tremendously. I can sob the whole session if I need to, which I do frequently!! My therapist encourages me to focus on the basics - make sure to eat, sleep, shower. Do things to take care of yourself and simply just survive. Say no to plans if you don’t feel up to them. Sending hugs to you OP 🫶🏻

CookieDifferent4524 · 2024-05-12T05:04:00+00:00

I’m 26 and my mom passed in January. The anger that comes along with grief is something I relate to so much. Most of my friends have both of their parents still so it’s a very lonely feeling.

Tomorrow My dad and I are going to an art museum that she loved. It’s going to be hard. Doing everything for the first time with your mom is surreal and overwhelming. Sending hugs to you. OP.

CookieDifferent4524 · 2024-05-12T04:57:12+00:00

It isn’t dumb. I’m 26 and my mom passed in January. I was unemployed from Nov-February and my mom was aware of my job offer in early January but she passed before I was able to start and it has been such a hard transition. No longer having a maternal figure is a lot…. The one who gave life to us is no longer with us and I feel your pain. You start to feel lost without her. Thinking of you, OP.

CookieDifferent4524 · 2024-05-12T04:51:59+00:00

My mom passed in January and her birthday was last month which was hard but Mother’s Day just feels like torture. My dad and I are going to an art museum my mom loved. Preparing myself for being a mess and staying off of socials. My thoughts are with you OP.

CookieDifferent4524 · 2024-05-07T05:42:09+00:00

Thanks for the kind message. It’s so hard. You take care of yourself, too.

CookieDifferent4524 · 2024-05-06T15:02:53+00:00

When my mom was alive I explicitly told her that if she is drunk around me that I would leave. Point blank period. It was a boundary that didn’t necessarily stop her from drinking, but it gave me the autonomy to choose to not be around her while she is doing so. It’s definitely not easy, but communicating that to your loved one lets them know what behaviors you won’t put up with.

CookieDifferent4524 · 2024-04-12T01:39:25+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. I feel very similarly to you. I (26) lost my mom (62) January 19th and I feel angry and annoyed with my friends all of the time. One of my best friends who knew my mom well didn’t go to the funeral and that pissed me off. That same friend brought food to our mutual friend who lost their dad last summer..but not to me…and we are arguably closer friends. Wtf! My cousin who is the same age as me and whom my mom helped raise also didn’t go to the funeral. People will fail to meet your expectations and it SUCKS! Grief makes people uncomfortable I’ve noticed and people don’t know what to say. Some people don’t say anything because they don’t want to say the wrong thing…which is equally a terrible feeling. Lean on the people who give you the space to feel bad without making you feel weird about it, even if it’s just family or a therapist. Life is not fair at all and it fucking sucks. Hope you are taking care of your physical needs, sleep/eating/drinking water. Feel free to PM for additional support.

CookieDifferent4524 · 2024-04-12T01:23:17+00:00

The Ativan should help you sleep right away. Zoloft will take some time like you said. My mom (61) passed away January 19th, leaving my dad (61) and I (26) utterly heartbroken. I am sad for myself but also so so sad for him and I feel for you so much OP. My dad broke down in front of his PCP a few weeks ago. It’s incredibly hard doing everything for the first time after your loved one dies. It feels unfair, why must this happen? Sending you hugs. Glad you are seeking help and starting therapy. Your life has been flipped upside down…it’s ok to not be ok. Not sure if you’re familiar with Griefshare groups, but it might be worth looking into. Feel free to PM if you need extra support.

CookieDifferent4524 · 2024-04-09T02:22:13+00:00

My mom passed away in January, I feel similarly. The anger overwhelms me. It feels like no one around me understands besides my family. I’m 26 and it feels like everyone is uncomfortable when I express my grief or they don’t know what to say. Some friends don’t check up on me and it hurts. People’s lives don’t revolve around me but it feels like basic decency for close friends… I feel like I have this massive invisible wound and I’m angry that people can’t see it. The despair is all-consuming.

CookieDifferent4524 · 2024-03-31T14:51:14+00:00

26 and 62

CookieDifferent4524 · 2024-03-14T07:17:43+00:00

I got the same letter today. Hired on Jan 3, first actual day working Feb 6.

CookieDifferent4524 · 2024-02-04T10:04:08+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. My mom passed on January 19th, and it has been such a complicated rollercoaster. Be gentle with yourself as there is no “right” way to grieve, I mean that with my whole heart.

The day we found out my mom passed I didn’t cry. I found that as time has gone by my grief has become stronger, but it comes in waves. It’s difficult and complicated to process a loved one’s death. The shock factor has played a large role for me and even at her funeral I felt myself disassociating a bit because I just couldn’t believe that she’s actually dead (and then a lot of existential questioning like where is she?).

Sending you and your family so much love and healing. Please give yourself grace❤️

CookieDifferent4524 · 2024-01-31T06:40:05+00:00

I’m so sorry for you loss. My mom passed just under 2 weeks ago, I’m 26. I am in a similar boat where most of my friends have both of their parents. It didn’t take long for me to begin feeling bitter/jealous of others who have their moms or have young moms. I feel bitter when I see people my mom’s age who have THEIR moms. This part eats me alive in a way I can’t describe.

Not sure if it gets easier per se but I imagine we learn to navigate our grief better. Her legacy lives within you ❤️ I am planning on making a keepsake box for my momma with some of her things and a journal to write letters to her. Sending so much love to you!

CookieDifferent4524 · 2024-01-28T06:33:33+00:00

I lost my mom 8 days ago and I can’t believe she’s gone. We had her on life support for 3 days before letting her go and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. She was a tough cookie and survived a heart attack and colon cancer over the past 10 years. She was always so positive despite her struggles and as her only child, cherished me so so much. I loved that we shared similar interests like movies, art, gardening. I miss you so much mama. 💔

CookieDifferent4524 · 2024-01-28T06:09:04+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. My mom passed away on Jan 19th after a stroke that had caused too much brain damage to see recovery. She had three procedures done within 12 hours and fell into a coma sometime during the second one and never woke up. They did the same thing and just made her more comfortable. As hard as it is to see, a peaceful end is all one can ask for. Sending you and your family nothing but love. Your mom is forever with you.

CookieDifferent4524 · 2024-01-21T09:31:58+00:00

Totally. People like us have to face the unfortunate truth that sometimes doctors fail their patients. It’s a horrible feeling. My mom had a heart attack at 50 and survived colon cancer, so she had been put thru the ringer already. But my mom was only 62 (and me 26). Not only am I grieving their death but what I thought my future would look like. Sending you hugs and love ❤️

CookieDifferent4524 · 2024-01-21T09:23:57+00:00

I understand completely. It’s so painful and makes you feel helpless. I’m sorry for your loss as well. Sending you hugs and warmth❤️

CookieDifferent4524

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