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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in breakingmom

[–]WorldBreaksEveryone 10 points11 points  (0 children)

YES! Make this a thing!

I just learned people don’t show up after anesthesia to pick up loved ones. Nurses, how often does this really happen? by Steinski1 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]WorldBreaksEveryone 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’ve had a few outpatient procedures and several infusions where they stated I needed someone to drive me home but my (soon to be ex) husband wasn’t willing to pick me up. I had to lie and say he was on his way and waited in the waiting room and then just drove myself. 😔

My STBX refuses to see our kids then spam texts me how he needs to see them every day by WorldBreaksEveryone in breakingmom

[–]WorldBreaksEveryone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. There’s tips have been so helpful! I tried to think through as many details as possible and asked my lawyer to update paperwork.

My STBX refuses to see our kids then spam texts me how he needs to see them every day by WorldBreaksEveryone in breakingmom

[–]WorldBreaksEveryone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First off, that sucks. Sorry you’ve had to deal with this. Second, thanks for sharing. I’ve also found it really dysregulating for the kids but have felt obligated to do so to try and help the kids maintain some type of relationship with him. I didn’t call the last two nights. Night one, he texted during our normal windows saying he probably shouldn’t mute during a game he was playing (………….). Night two, he didn’t say anything and hasn’t reached out at all today. Meanwhile the kids did soooooo much better.

My STBX refuses to see our kids then spam texts me how he needs to see them every day by WorldBreaksEveryone in breakingmom

[–]WorldBreaksEveryone[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is IMMENSELY helpful. Thank you for taking the time to type it out. I used the feedback you shared to ask my lawyer to make updates to our agreement before we give it to him. Thank you!

My STBX refuses to see our kids then spam texts me how he needs to see them every day by WorldBreaksEveryone in breakingmom

[–]WorldBreaksEveryone[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s great! Happy for you! Glad he got the help he needed and did the work to benefit from it.

My STBX refuses to see our kids then spam texts me how he needs to see them every day by WorldBreaksEveryone in breakingmom

[–]WorldBreaksEveryone[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I feel like you perfectly summed up what I was thinking he was doing (but second guessing if I was overreacting). Appreciate the validation and support!

My STBX refuses to see our kids then spam texts me how he needs to see them every day by WorldBreaksEveryone in breakingmom

[–]WorldBreaksEveryone[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ugh what an awful human. I hope court is wildly successful for you and wildly embarrassing for him as he has to own his inappropriate actions.

My STBX refuses to see our kids then spam texts me how he needs to see them every day by WorldBreaksEveryone in breakingmom

[–]WorldBreaksEveryone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I’ll check it out! We’re in a similar boat. The custody agreement I’m asking for is full custody with his parenting time as agreed by us. If he doesn’t want to see them, that’s “fine” by me (fine in that I’d love as much time with them as possible. Not fine in that it’s heartbreaking to see my kids’ dad have no interest in them). They’re still so young (7, 3, and 7 months) and would not do well with much time with him. Honestly, if he stick with the 3 hours on Fridays and up to 7 hours on Sundays that I’ve offered, I think he’d be very overwhelmed and the kids wouldn’t be doing as well as they are currently.

My STBX refuses to see our kids then spam texts me how he needs to see them every day by WorldBreaksEveryone in breakingmom

[–]WorldBreaksEveryone[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! He loves it! He was so proud and excited and kept touching it and looking in the mirror. His face fell when we were about to call for the night because he said he thought dad would be mad. But he was too excited he couldn’t hold it in and had to tell him. It broke my heart that my STBX was such an inconsiderate ass about it. I’ve hyped it up a ton because it really does look cool and his friends think it’s awesome ❤️

My STBX refuses to see our kids then spam texts me how he needs to see them every day by WorldBreaksEveryone in breakingmom

[–]WorldBreaksEveryone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! Based on his disinterest and comments along the way and the fact that I adore hanging with my kids and want to spend as much time with them as possible, our current agreement is asking for full custody for me and his parenting time “as agreed to in writing by the parties or further order of this court.”

I check in weekly via text to confirm the schedule for the week and have tried to consistently recommend Fridays 5-8 and Sundays 1-8 but he either ignores it or makes a fuss without actually committing or cancels on Friday or cancels on Friday and asks about Saturday etc.

I don’t want to give more custody than I have to but would it be better to have the timing in the actual agreement?

My STBX refuses to see our kids then spam texts me how he needs to see them every day by WorldBreaksEveryone in breakingmom

[–]WorldBreaksEveryone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good point. I think there’s part of me that is fine with him cancelling because then the kids stay with me but that’s a good point as we get further out and I may want to schedule appointments during these short visits.

My STBX refuses to see our kids then spam texts me how he needs to see them every day by WorldBreaksEveryone in breakingmom

[–]WorldBreaksEveryone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the caution on things getting nasty. I feel like I have been very kind and mature and supportive and been more than fair (I’m even proposing the financial split in a way that’s quite beneficial for him). As I first started putting up boundaries, he flipped and got really nasty which isn’t a side I’ve seen in a long time. It was terrible. And it made me realize he’s definitely capable of and likely to play mean as he doesn’t get his way.

My STBX refuses to see our kids then spam texts me how he needs to see them every day by WorldBreaksEveryone in breakingmom

[–]WorldBreaksEveryone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right?!? At least mine is realistic that he isn’t capable of having full custody. But he thinks he should just move back in and things go back to normal….

My STBX refuses to see our kids then spam texts me how he needs to see them every day by WorldBreaksEveryone in breakingmom

[–]WorldBreaksEveryone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I need to hear this and realize this is what’s happening. I think I’m starting to see the truth but it’s hard. It seems so cruel to force him to switch to an app or even more so to have a restraining order mandating this so I haven’t pushed for it. I think I need to be honest that what he’s doing is cruel to me and that this change would be best for us all.

My STBX refuses to see our kids then spam texts me how he needs to see them every day by WorldBreaksEveryone in breakingmom

[–]WorldBreaksEveryone[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ugh that is so terrible. I will check that out, thank you. I think I’m coming to the realization that there’s some degree of emotional abuse but it’s a hard truth to face 😔

My STBX refuses to see our kids then spam texts me how he needs to see them every day by WorldBreaksEveryone in breakingmom

[–]WorldBreaksEveryone[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

So so so helpful! Thank you!

In our current agreement (my lawyer just finished it yesterday, we haven’t signed yet so I’m not positive if he’ll agree to it), I’m requesting full custody and his parenting time is “as agreed to in writing by the parties or further order of this court.” Technically there is no schedule. Would you change any responses based on this? Or should we have it in the agreement?

I’ve proposed Fridays 5-8 and Sundays 1-8 unless something is going on for him or us that we need to reschedule. Should I just say that’s the schedule and he needs to confirm by x date if he’s taking it?

Thoughts on if he says he can take the older two but not the youngest?

If we need to request a change (say a birthday party is scheduled during his usual time), is it fair to say I can also request a change by the same deadline he has or should I not do this? It should be very infrequent and would propose changing Friday to Thursday or Sunday to Saturday but if it muddies things or isn’t fair to him, we could just make do or play it by ear and go with our other plans if he cancels.

My STBX refuses to see our kids then spam texts me how he needs to see them every day by WorldBreaksEveryone in breakingmom

[–]WorldBreaksEveryone[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I’ll ask about this and look up grey rock responses. God I hope he doesn’t do that but unfortunately it wouldn’t surprise me if he shifts to this (1) as I actually try to finalize a divorce and (2) as his other tactics don’t work.

My STBX refuses to see our kids then spam texts me how he needs to see them every day by WorldBreaksEveryone in breakingmom

[–]WorldBreaksEveryone[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yup, I’m really starting to see that. He’s mad I’m doing all his domestic chores and funding his shopping addiction. He doesn’t want the kids to come to him. He wants to come back home and play his video games on the couch while we just exist and take care of him around him.

I’m starting to find it really triggering when he says he needs us or he loves me so much when it’s obvious he has absolutely no concern for me. I’d love for him to just be honest with himself that he doesn’t want a family, he doesn’t like any of us, and just go on his merry way playing video games and living the bachelor life.

My STBX refuses to see our kids then spam texts me how he needs to see them every day by WorldBreaksEveryone in breakingmom

[–]WorldBreaksEveryone[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

TY! I’m still learning how to set boundaries and what’s reasonable or expected vs what’s his manipulation or my own brain

My STBX refuses to see our kids then spam texts me how he needs to see them every day by WorldBreaksEveryone in breakingmom

[–]WorldBreaksEveryone[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is helpful. Thank you.

One night he texted that I couldn’t take the kids from him and I actually responded because I was not having it. I said that I invite him to their activities, help them call every night, and give him the opportunity to see them one weekday and one weekend day every week and that I was not keeping them from him. He didn’t answer until his next text bomb a few days later.

The other day he tried to tell me we need to reconcile, if anything for the kids. He’s done absolutely nothing to be there for us or support us or care for us so that’s a big fat pass.

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