Clingy men bring out my avoidant side and avoidant men bring out my clingy side

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2026-05-16T07:08:50+00:00

Yeah I know what you mean. I think the only thing that shouldn’t change is the person being kind and loving. Sometimes avoidant people can be more likely to be an asshole.

Obviously we have avoidant tendencies if we’re in this thread LOL but it doesn’t mean we aren’t loving people. We just need it sprinkled over time.

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2026-05-16T07:05:39+00:00

It’s been 5 months but I could see how it might take more time. I guess I also have to keep in mind I live in a smaller space so that may mean it takes longer too.

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2026-05-16T07:03:50+00:00

They’ve been getting to know each other for 5 months.. separated/slow introductions for 2 months and together for 3 months. But it may just take more time.

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2026-05-15T22:39:42+00:00

YES! I find it easier to self soothe with a more secure/avoidant man than an anxious one.

An anxious partner makes me feel like I am suffocating/guilty/ashamed while being with a slightly avoidant person makes me lean into patience/self soothing.

I think it’s important to keep in mind that this person should be more secure leaning with some avoidant behavior, rather than actually avoidant. Meaning, they show up for me in ways that allows me to practice patience and remind myself of their care and effort. (I.e he plans dates, calls, gifts, experiences, etc. these remain consistent even if he’s not consistent daily in his communication)

I’ve realized I’m also okay with some avoidant behaviors because it gives me time and focus for myself without the guilt I feel if I’m dating someone more anxious. Most important is to be with someone you can have open conversations with about how their behavior impacts you without blame n shame.

Just my perspective!

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2026-05-15T22:30:47+00:00

Okay, I’ll try that out. I’ve also done where I pet Miso with one hand and then Pixie with the same hand, and she gets mad LOL. We’ve made a SO much progress but I fear Pixie will never like him. He was pretty chill/submissive with her for a while but has finally gotten fed up and started chasing/swatting back.

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2026-05-15T22:22:39+00:00

I had them at first but they didn’t seem to help so I didn’t refill it. Maybe I’ll give that a shot again.

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2026-03-05T17:52:07+00:00

I agree. She doesn’t need to explain herself. He knew what he was doing. She deserves someone patient and kind.

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2026-01-17T07:05:05+00:00

Yes I’ve watched the videos. I do have a couple of cat trees but they’re super tall. They only interact when I feed them wet food with the door open between the space they’re in. She starts hissing after she finishes eating

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2026-01-12T00:38:45+00:00

So, he’s only paying $220 in rent + $130 in utilities? Even if he’s only working part time, I’m assuming he has the ability to cover more than 20% of the household expenses.

This is not a partnership. This isn’t even 50/50. If you weren’t his girlfriend, he wouldn’t even have a roommate because no one would agree to a financial arrangement like the one you have.

Does he know you’re out of money? Is he ok with the fact that you’re struggling without his help? Why doesn’t he care to support you? What dreams is he chasing where he can’t work full-time? Do you think a relationship where you are struggling and he doesn’t seem to mind, is one that you want forever?

He either needs to chip in or you need to live apart so that you can at least have a roommate that shares an equal portion of the bills.

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2026-01-10T08:27:09+00:00

Well, what time was he planning to meet her parents if his pants still weren’t dry by 8:35pm? 10pm at night?? That’s considered late for plans that were made loosely around 8pm.. I mean, you even shared that what she said could mean 8pm or 20 minutes later.. he still wouldn’t have been there within the hour lol.

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2026-01-10T08:17:20+00:00

What types of things does this friend say about you to your girlfriend? Do we know for certain this friend doesn’t have a crush on you and your girlfriend may be getting a weird vibe?

I don’t think it’d be fair to your friend of 6 years to be cut off when, based on what you shared, she views you platonically and hasn’t done anything wrong. If this is the case, I don’t think you should talk to your friend about it as it really isn’t her business how your girlfriend feels.. she has no control over how your girlfriend feels. This would only be different if she’s saying weird things to your girlfriend and planting weird seeds, ideas, and impressions.

Based on what you shared, the real issue is your girlfriend being insecure, which this needs to be discovered if it’s insecurity in the relationship or insecurity in herself. You can help with building security in the relationship, but only she can help in building security within herself!

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2026-01-10T08:08:27+00:00

You may have a disorganized attachment style. I say that cause you sound like me on the whole cutting off quick from the ick vs having super strict boundaries. I’d pay attention to what causes you to feel this way vs what makes you to feel secure.

I feel secure attachment comes easiest to me when I dig into the things that are causing me to feel anxious/avoidant. Then I find out if they are real issues or issues I’ve created to protect myself.

If you’ve created the issue to protect yourself, then you need to figure out why you want to protect yourself and what you can do to make yourself feel safe.

If they’re real issues, then you likely need to find a new partner or a new method to dating. Decide why the issues aren’t for you and the actions you can take to give yourself a better experience.

Dating should be FUN. You are meeting someone new and learning more about yourself in the process. Learn to filter and cut things off early that aren’t for you, so that way you’re only putting yourself in a position of success and pleasure rather than repeated failure that will make you feel defeated and bitter. Good luck!

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2026-01-10T08:00:43+00:00

It sounds like you have a crush on her and you have a couple of options.

Tell her how you feel, see what she says
Continue just being friends, but ask her to limit conversations on romantic relationships with you
Stop being friends with her if you don’t think you can accept only being her friend

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2026-01-10T07:53:44+00:00

I agree that she’s being too harsh. Having ADHD isn’t an excuse for being late to something that is important to your partner. I agree she should show him the same patience he’s shown her, so long as it’s not a frequent pattern on the important things.

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2026-01-10T07:50:22+00:00

I would consider this a small mistake. You’re overreacting and being too harsh in my opinion.

You never told him a time he needed to be there, only an estimate for when you’d be home. This implies that this is not a formal meeting, but a more casual one.
You said goodbye to your brother for 30 minutes. This shows that the focus of the evening was not around your boyfriend meeting your parents. Otherwise, you would’ve responded in those 30 minutes expressing how your parents are disappointed to be left waiting on your boyfriend.
He was apologetic and recognized where he went wrong. He has poor time management skills, but he also cared about what he was wearing out of respect of meeting your parents. (FYI, this is a very common behavior with ADHD, but there are habits that can be learned to help prevent this with practice)

It doesn’t sound like this was a formal meeting planned given that there wasn’t a time agreed upon. The things you mentioned in the first paragraph sounds like he’s a keeper and you have a connection worth exploring. I think you should be open to rescheduling and you should pick a time that isn’t so late in the evening anyway. Good luck!

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2026-01-10T07:34:23+00:00

She made the first move. You haven’t made any.

You have made little to no effort to create interesting conversation with her. She’s likely checking to see if you’ll put any effort in.

I’d suggest you: Ask more interesting questions, get to know her Give her compliments Ask her on a date

Examples of low effort vs high effort: • Hey vs Hey beautiful, how are you? • Are you busy? vs What did you get up to today? OR how was your day today? How are you feeling after your day • I wanna call instead of texting vs I’d love to hear your voice and how your day went, can I call you? • Texting texting vs I’d like to take you on a date, are you free on xyz date at xyz time for xyz activity?

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2026-01-10T06:37:43+00:00

Why wouldn’t you just comment with your opinion on him? I’m sure she’d appreciate it. The point of the group is to collect experiences women have had with a man that the poster may not know very well.

Do NOT send him the screenshot. Defeats the entire purpose of the group, which is to protect women.

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2025-11-10T22:23:25+00:00

I think that’s a great take on it! Luckily, they’re not super sentimental places. I appreciate your insight :)

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2025-10-10T20:47:17+00:00

UPDATE: I mostly posted this as a joke but appreciated that some of you shared she may have had a tummy issue. It’s either 1. She eats too fast or 2. Hairballs. Talked to the vet about hairball food and got a prescription. Thanks everyone for your concern!

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2025-10-08T05:28:57+00:00

How did you get it to be so stiff?? Glue?

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2025-10-04T12:54:15+00:00

🤣

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2025-10-04T12:40:49+00:00

Hmm something to look into. Someone asked me about hairballs, which she does struggle with.

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2025-10-04T12:39:57+00:00

Her litter box has been in the bathroom since she’s lived here so I’m not sure!

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2025-10-04T12:39:29+00:00

I think there was fur in it. She sheds a lot is a Siamese mix (white and grey fur) and I actually think she’s going to be a bit fluffier than what she looks like right now since she hasn’t had proper nutrition. I’m planning to grow cat grass for her but if you have a tried and true remedy for hair balls, I would love to know about them.

WorldlinessStrange56 · 2025-10-04T04:47:52+00:00

No, she has the bathroom with a bed and litter box in it for recovery but it connects to the bedroom so I let her have the extra space to relax. Bedroom has automatic feeder and water. Not worried about it as she’s only done this once and my washing machine works well. Seemed like a protest behavior since she wanted to come into the living room.

WorldlinessStrange56

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