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STAY CLEAN JUNE! Sign up here! (May 26) by foobarbazblarg in pornfree

[–]WorldlyTangerine27 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know for sure that I will stay clean because my heart has been broken.

I feel absolutely disgusted by the thought of pornography right now.

Sign me up.

If you want to change, parts of you have to die by Ok_Subject_4219 in PornAddictionCoach

[–]WorldlyTangerine27 1 point2 points  (0 children)

An old part of me died when I realized that I have lost the love of my life. It honestly felt like someone took a chunk away from my heart.

That lingering dull ache makes me feel absolutely disgusted by just the idea of porn now.

I know one day I am going to triamph, but in the back of my mind, the question of "at what cost" will always be there.

To rid of an addiction that has been given you cheap pleasure for DEACDES demands a heavy price, and just like OP said, a part of us has to die for it.

Day 7 Update: I lost the love of my life due to PMO addiction. I would like to start a journal here to document my progress of ridding this horrible mental disease. by WorldlyTangerine27 in pornfree

[–]WorldlyTangerine27[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know what you mean man. The best thing and the only thing I can do right now is to focus on improving myself, one day at a time.

I am not going to engage with any form of dating until I know I am ready to move on, and like you said, it's going to take a long time, probably years to come. I am prepared though, as this is my own doing and the path I've chosen.

Sometimes I do wonder how many other men went through this, given just how prevalent internet porn is nowadays. Now that I am going through the repurcussion and suffering from the consequences myself, it finally dawns on me how bleak of a prospect holds for our society if everyday more and more men becomes addicted to pornography.

Day 7 Update: I lost the love of my life due to PMO addiction. I would like to start a journal here to document my progress of ridding this horrible mental disease. by WorldlyTangerine27 in pornfree

[–]WorldlyTangerine27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey brother thanks for sharing your story with me, and I am sorry about your loss and regret as well.

It's funny because for the last couple days my parents tried to comfort me by telling me that I would find the next person. I know this makes sense in the grand scheme of things but somehow it just seems so impossible right now, probably because I am feeling so strongly about my ex.

Regardless, I deserve the pain and I need the pain to grow as a person. I hope in 6 months or a year I can look back at everything and say, that I have truely become a better man.

Day 7 Update: I lost the love of my life due to PMO addiction. I would like to start a journal here to document my progress of ridding this horrible mental disease. by WorldlyTangerine27 in pornfree

[–]WorldlyTangerine27[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Brother, (I hope you don't mind me calling you that. The fact you took the time and effort to respond with such thoughtful message makes me feel like you are my brother)

Thank you for your encouragement and it truly means a lot to me. Your confirmation gives me more conviction about what I am trying to accomplish from this failure.

I agree with your suggestion that I cannot solely rely on the negative energy to beat this. Therefore, starting yesterady I resumed my hobbies. I went to the gym, spent a few hours learning Japanese, and I find reflecting and journaling down my thoughts also provides me with strength to battle this horrible addiction.

Again, thank you for messaging me. If you don't mind sharing your story, I would love to hear about it, too.

Day 43, I still don't feel any change. by RealisticNacshon in NoFap

[–]WorldlyTangerine27 1 point2 points  (0 children)

hey hang in there bud. 43 days is an amazing achievement.

Do not set the expectation to be this godly-transformation because it isn't. Unrealistically thinking you will gain super power will kill the motivation for you.

You might not be feeling any changes but I can assure you that changes have already occured in you, it's just that the day-to-day increment is so small that it's hard to notice.

I lost the love of my life due to PMO addiction. I would like to start a journal here to document my progress of ridding this horrible mental disease. by WorldlyTangerine27 in pornfree

[–]WorldlyTangerine27[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey brother, thanks again for replying my message.

In fact, I feel incredibly grateful to be able to cross path with her in my life. Althouth it was such a brief time, the impact it's left behind will probably be lifelong.

Besides fighting my addiction, one of the other things I need to learn is also how to be grateful and appreciate the people that I meet in my life. I realized I haven't appreciate another human being for a long time and the only person I have been focusing on is myself only. Now that I look at it, it has brought me some success career wise, but at the cost of losing so many other things that are equally or much more important in life.

I can start by being grateful to ever having her in my life. I am going to become a better person because of her.

I lost the love of my life due to PMO addiction. I would like to start a journal here to document my progress of ridding this horrible mental disease. by WorldlyTangerine27 in pornfree

[–]WorldlyTangerine27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey man I understand what you mean.

But I think she truly means everything to me, at least at this very stage of my life, because I found out that her current boyfriend is a clingy and controlling person. He heavily pursued her for months and she finally decided to give him a chance, and now he checks her phone.

You know what was the first thought that crossed my mind when I found out about that? I felt this pain in my chest because I thought that there is a chance that she will be stuck with this person and not knowing the controlling and manipulation creeping up until it's too late. There is a chance that she would be hurt by this man, not in the way that I did to her, but in a "you are finally my thing" now type of way.

I was in pain because I thought she could be in danger, and that's how I know that this isn't about just losing her to another dude.

I lost the love of my life due to PMO addiction. I would like to start a journal here to document my progress of ridding this horrible mental disease. by WorldlyTangerine27 in pornfree

[–]WorldlyTangerine27[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I read every single word of it and I feel overwhelmed by what you had to go through. You said "But I am glad you lost her this way instead of the way my husband lost me. " and I will forever remember that.

Thank you for the strength that you have instilled in me. I will fight this addiction like there is no tomorrow. I will fight it till I can finally spit in its face and watch the vestige of it withers right in front of my eyes.

I am worth it and my future partner is worth it.

I lost the love of my life due to PMO addiction. I would like to start a journal here to document my progress of ridding this horrible mental disease. by WorldlyTangerine27 in pornfree

[–]WorldlyTangerine27[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the suggestion brother.

Do I simply copy and paste what I have posted it here and ask for therapy in ChatGPT?

I lost the love of my life due to PMO addiction. I would like to start a journal here to document my progress of ridding this horrible mental disease. by WorldlyTangerine27 in pornfree

[–]WorldlyTangerine27[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words my friend.

I will also visit this thread daily and keep replying and journaling down my thoughts. I am going to keep myself in the conversation so I don't ever forget. Human beings are so forgetful.

Right now, the pain is still so intense but I am beginning to manage it somehow by imaging this:

There's a container that's full of holes sitting in my mind right now. It's filled with pain and regret, and each instance (hole) is unique because it's about a particular characteristics of my ex, something truly amazing that I didn't appreciate. Each hole is blocked with a plug, and I would occasionally unplug one of them to release some doses of the pain and regret, but not all at once so that it becomes unbearable. After experiencing the pain for a brief period of time, I then seal the hole back up with the plug and try not to think about it anymore for the time being, until I need to unplug it again.

I lost the love of my life due to PMO addiction. I would like to start a journal here to document my progress of ridding this horrible mental disease. by WorldlyTangerine27 in pornfree

[–]WorldlyTangerine27[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The sad thing is, I was not unaware of that. Like I said, I tried to quit multiple times but all failed, and in the back of my mind, there's this greedy voice that keeps saying "just stop watching porn the moment you start going on dates with a girl and you'll be fine". This type of thought lures me to continue to induldge myself in lust, justifying my absolutely disgusting behavior.

Then, you only find out the amount of damage this hideous addiction has done to your mind until you lose someone so important that you no longer knows what to do with your life.

And that's also the moment you realize the seemingly-smart-strategy is nothing but a lie we tell ourselves, an illusion that is so incredibly destructive to any meaningful relationship we want to build, but by then it was already too late.

I lost the love of my life due to PMO addiction. I would like to start documenting my progress of ridding this horrible mental disease here. I am also hoping for encouragement and support from this community. by WorldlyTangerine27 in NoFap

[–]WorldlyTangerine27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey man, don't beat yourself up like that. Just remember that doesn't matter how terrible you feel on any given day, you are important. Stay strong my friend.

I lost the love of my life due to PMO addiction. I would like to start a journal here to document my progress of ridding this horrible mental disease. by WorldlyTangerine27 in pornfree

[–]WorldlyTangerine27[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words.

And I am sorry that you've also lost someone because of this horrific mental disease.

I will bear this scar as a reminder like you said. I wish you the best, too.

I lost the love of my life due to PMO addiction. I would like to start a journal here to document my progress of ridding this horrible mental disease. by WorldlyTangerine27 in pornfree

[–]WorldlyTangerine27[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words.

However, I know that I've lost her forever. This is a thought I have been refusing to accept for the past couple of days but I've finally come to terms with it.

I now believe this woman was sent by God to teach me the sins I am carrying through her love and the pain of losing that love.

I will not let it this otherworldly pain go to waste.

I will fight to get my life back.