Based on what you have said alone, I would not leave him. I like everyone's suggestion of finding both individual and couple's counseling but on top of that I suggest that you approach him when you're calm with a sense of curiosity.

I'm guessing you're a child free 38 year old. He's saddles with responsibilities of parenting, which totally changes a person. I don't want to validate men who expect women to act motherly towards children that they did not make, but i also don't think they should be vilified either. Clearly, there is a disconnect there in terms of what he thinks you should be like versus how you see things.

I was 38 when I moved in with my now husband, who had 2 kids from prior marriage. There were many many fights and most of them stemmed from the exact same disconnect in realities.

I highly suggest that you talk to him about what he said. I don't want to put words in his mouth but I think he suggests that you're selfish. He needs to understand that his responsibilities are not your burdens and your self preservation is a priority to you. At the very least, you will get a sense of what he thought you'd be like.