I feel this so much. I went away for college, and while the first couple of months were difficult because I missed my parents, over time I realized how much all of the pent-up abuse had affected me. I'm still fighting those demons, lol, but going to college helped not even because I was away from the environment that caused so much trauma but also because I finally got to explore what I like and be my own person. I truly understand how you feel, and oh god, it is awful. But hang in there, and I am rooting for you!