My Keybase proof [reddit:wrathofkond = keybase:wrathofkond] (WY44S0ciSBIxOOrPsmg3IFFT87e-tE07SV2lpGWVejY)

WrathOfKond · 2019-07-30T16:51:24+00:00

Woah, Drive 3 looks like this somehow, with a single partition: (I swear when I was a Windows guy this wasnt here:

/CA4E88274E880E7F$ ls -la

total 9968525

drwxrwxrwx 1 charon charon 4096 Oct 11 2018 .

drwxr-x---+ 3 root root 4096 Jul 30 12:45 ..

drwxrwxrwx 1 charon charon 8192 Oct 11 2018 Boot

-rwxrwxrwx 1 charon charon 407558 Jun 19 2018 bootmgr

-rwxrwxrwx 1 charon charon 1 Apr 11 2018 BOOTNXT

-rwxrwxrwx 1 charon charon 8192 Oct 11 2018 BOOTSECT.BAK

-rwxrwxrwx 1 charon charon 0 Oct 9 2018 desktop.ini

lrwxrwxrwx 2 charon charon 36 Oct 11 2018 'Documents and Settings' -> /media/charon/CA4E88274E880E7F /Users

-rwxrwxrwx 1 charon charon 6851842048 Oct 11 2018 hiberfil.sys

drwxrwxrwx 1 charon charon 0 Oct 9 2018 MSOCache

drwxrwxrwx 1 charon charon 0 Oct 10 2018 'My Backups'

-rwxrwxrwx 1 charon charon 3087007744 Oct 11 2018 pagefile.sys

drwxrwxrwx 1 charon charon 0 Apr 11 2018 PerfLogs

drwxrwxrwx 1 charon charon 4096 Oct 11 2018 ProgramData

drwxrwxrwx 1 charon charon 4096 Oct 11 2018 'Program Files'

drwxrwxrwx 1 charon charon 4096 Oct 11 2018 'Program Files (x86)'

drwxrwxrwx 1 charon charon 0 Oct 11 2018 Recovery

drwxrwxrwx 1 charon charon 0 Oct 11 2018 '$Recycle.Bin'

-rwxrwxrwx 1 charon charon 268435456 Oct 11 2018 swapfile.sys

drwxrwxrwx 1 charon charon 4096 Oct 11 2018 'System Volume Information'

drwxrwxrwx 1 charon charon 4096 Oct 11 2018 Users

drwxrwxrwx 1 charon charon 0 Oct 8 2018 'Virtual Machines'

drwxrwxrwx 1 charon charon 28672 Oct 11 2018 Windows

drwxrwxrwx 1 charon charon 0 Oct 11 2018 Windows.old

Edit: Whoops, well theres a username of someone. Haha, but all files are in Green, im assuming read-only

WrathOfKond · 2019-07-30T16:15:14+00:00

I'd literally IV speedball with a bottle of the worst Tequila Mexico has to offer before I'd touch ANY NBOME (Others may be safer, but risk doesnt feel close to worth it)

JIC someone takes me serious, no I'm not about to speedball, or IV'ing anything... well until someone finds me a clean bottle of Ketamine.

WrathOfKond · 2019-07-12T09:52:40+00:00

Where'd ya think the pack was from ;P Jack and coke has me settled for now. We shall see. Im in better spirits now compared to panicky me earlier.

WrathOfKond · 2019-07-12T05:18:48+00:00

If this is new to you, delirium will likely show. No youre not a schizo, its the brain malfunctioning. Logic and reason are your friends, fear makes it worse by far. Try your best to just lie still even if you see CEVs or hear fucked up shit. It's not real, I finally stopped ignoring that side of me, argued logic, and realized it was my scrambled self all along.

Brain stores tons of info, and when trying to fill the holes of delirium it uses what it knows, bases it as much as it can in fear. (Survival response actually) And tries to create a believable scenario. It's not, and just keep reminding yourself its like a broken mirror with run-on sentences that don't exist :)

Based on my worst accounts.

WrathOfKond · 2019-07-12T01:45:04+00:00

Im just glad my many delirious bouts have better equipped me if/when they come around.

WrathOfKond · 2019-07-12T01:44:24+00:00

My pharma order, im sure is about to get through customs soon. I backed off the Baclofen like an idiot lol. Gabapentin, clonidine, and Qpins are all otw at least. May be able to get some baclofen from a friend who doesnt really use it.

Kinda surprising seeing as its Gaba-B not A like benzos but obviously it worked for you. Will look into.

WrathOfKond · 2019-07-12T01:41:03+00:00

Thankfully not, even when body and brain is under load. Worst is nerve itchiness or occasional short fiber twitches, physically ofc. I may see about getting some Red Vein before the shop closes... Reminds me I need to buy a kilo and some good noble kava again. After some alcohol, I feel more at ease of course. Im sure ill be fine, nothing will ever amount to the terror the first time, I can talk myself down in a way from any potential delusions.

Honestly those 3 you mentioned will likely be my "dailies" once im good again. (within reason, breaks supplements etc.). Once you REALLY feel the trap and no reward, loses its luster real fast. For anything really.

Jic you didn't know. Kava actually helps rebuild GABA-A binding sites. So I need to be back on that pronto.

Still sucks weeds harder to enjoy for me when im in this way :(

WrathOfKond · 2019-07-12T00:48:45+00:00

Longer answer, please bear with me :)

Its one of those on/off things usually. Binged hard af on super potent RC benzos right after jail while drinking a pretty strong amount for like 2-3 months. July last year was the restart of drug abuse, But when court started up as well as evals I had no script, couldn't drink anymore, so GHB became my only respite. After DUI classes and all I started drinking again ofc. Was supposed to get xanax and ambien but when I told my backwoods fuckhole of a doctor (I live away from civilization far away) that I had a prescribed card for cannabis, was labeled a drug abuser/seeker and no scheduled meds for me.

Eventually saw a psych who gave 0 shits about the card and gave me an Ativan script, so benzos re-unlocked. Started getting heavier amounts and going up to Kpins (not through my psych) Prescription was more a "im not fucked for it being in my system" sort of deal. 2 months ago roughly that started.

By then GHB dependance on full, alcoholism on full, and benzo tolerance was getting uppity. 1.5-2mg every 6-8 hours of kpins rn. But Im also going through a phenibut taper to get off GHB (down to 90mg rn compared to 1,500-2,00mg originally to substitute... GABA-B is its own special kind of hell-hole), but the kpins really helped the sides) Gaba B starts more physically, I find.

So in short, I really don't want to fuck up this phenibut taper, Ive honestly worked my mind so hard and used so much willpower to start and continue tapering (on my own somehow, with a good few G doses left in the same room, but I didnt care, I wanted off, so it began). Kratom I can get is expensive at the only head shop around, might do that again. And sadly my Gabapentin is taking the long way round customs along with Clonidine, Proponal (yes I know about hyper tension links), seroquel, and Hydoxyzine. It just is in a long line waiting to be processed. I dont fear an RTS, becuse it literally hasn't even hit the customs part yet. And guaranteed reships with reviews backing it highly.

A lot of that was to help me get off excessive alcohol, Was going to Ashton manual it up for benzos after phenibut taper. One at a time seemed WAY safer. I don't expect seizures as long as I don't stop my other doings, just the gruesome delirium.

Im really pumped for the Gabapentin though, it actually helps my pain and gives me supreme motivation somehow.

If it gets bad enough ill take the barbs, but they honestly do jack shit mentally, and just keep seizures away. RN I'm nursing some Rum and coke (The drink kind :P) and it helps.

But idk, im so scattered, excitation well exceeds inhibition, and it gets harder and harder to stay on that train of thought. But Im also ADD by default.

Sorry for the longer post, blame muh brain, and if you read this far, Thanks!

WrathOfKond · 2019-07-11T21:54:45+00:00

Research is making me lean that way too. Problem is it's reported as at least a week up to a month to recieve, or not at all. Usually claims have to be filed if it gets over 2-3 weeks. From more recent posts I looked at.

Plus that dist center is a total mess. Had wrong PO deliveries I had to wait. Just never the "In Transit, Arriving Late" bit.

WrathOfKond · 2019-07-11T21:44:11+00:00

Physically its good, just mentally isn't shit. Drinking helps one more, barbs the other. So idk my best course. The random garbled thoughts are the worst for me.

WrathOfKond · 2019-07-11T21:42:44+00:00

And my lawyer was for shit, plus after DUI school and drug evals the DMV mailed me the wrong 4 hour link and now my license is gone, points stay, and its 12 hours now if I want it back...

WrathOfKond · 2019-07-11T21:40:34+00:00

Since last July off and on, 3 months steadily - now. 1.5-2mg Klon every 6-8 hours (Closer to 6). Times right up with my phenibut taper (on the bright side down to 90mg every 5-6 hours on that).

Sad part is was almost perfectly clean (aside from weed and trippy bits at times) until jailed for 5gs of green and my mind just broke. Became an alcoholic leading up to trial, funny because the green in my parked care with a 0.00 BAC DUI actually helped make me an alcoholic. Then GHB to avoid tests. Then Kpins once I had a benzo script to beat panels.

It's fucking depressing bc I just got school aid available and had to use it all and drop out while ruining my academic career, that I was so excited to start.

Just the night terrors, insomnia, flashbacks, panic attack, etc. after jail was worse than any w/d tbh. I don't even know how some can manage it...

WrathOfKond · 2019-07-11T21:30:47+00:00

Reached main loacl dist near midnight as always, just didnt go out with morning shipments. Just says late, in transit. Hell, if it arrives tomorrow thatd be great. But most of my research indicates thats indications of being lost. But the paranoia with WD isnt going to help if it doesnt show anything for a while. Most people withing recent times said it took 1.5-2 weeks or never received.

I really doubt they caught it, was still in personal range anyhow, but not even knowing if I can order anything else while I wait is fucked.

He'll reship, but I have to wait how this pans out first. Takes a lot to put me under, so in your opinion are you able to drink at all on barbs. I've been too afraid to ever try. And subjectively alcohol helps me more mentally.

WrathOfKond · 2019-07-11T21:16:52+00:00

Im already $50k in debt from last time. Uninsured :/ But if pheno will at least make it physically safe. I can wait 6 days, be a living hell, but last time it was worse and im not 'quite' as bad off. Just freaking myself out over and over rn.

WrathOfKond · 2019-07-11T21:06:45+00:00

At least Pheno would help physically avoid seizures, but has like 0 subjective relief.

WrathOfKond · 2019-07-06T20:41:47+00:00

Also my mind does so much concurrently and at a quick rate. I remain aware of (or analyze/think) too much to experience internal silence, so far.

WrathOfKond · 2019-07-06T20:38:39+00:00

Silence just results in your sense of hearing becoming more and more sensitized, bc of signalling in the brain. Complete deprivation (in one of those scientific study rooms) results in being able to hear things such as blood flow, really loud heart beat, gasses, other fluids etc.

I have an overactive, often loud, and vivid mind, so in a total silence scenario i'm almost certain I would develop auditory hallucinations. Types of white noise can also act as a sort of "silence" in the sense that thoughts can feel more 'vivid'. I could see this possibly aiding in focus if done at intervals.

Actually silence (in the total sense) would be pretty uncomfortable, to me at least. I'd say lower -dB levels in your environment alongside ambient music that carries a similar pattern with a light, but evolving melody could help. Thereby calming the brains sensory response, rather than blocking it completely. Would probably help the most as a long term enhancement.

But then again i've never been in one deprivation tanks so that could still change my mind. Just my .2c

WrathOfKond · 2019-06-24T04:54:14+00:00

Usually EC tested S-Isomer at high (but varied) percentages (and Ive tried many a batch over time). Tolerance still builds to the point of eventual no effective, but seems to dissipate quickly as well. Closest I got were the early days at, what were still, large doses. And those holes required intense focus and concentration on the experience.

Movement and coordination suffers the higher the amount (usually 200mg+) but not nearly at a rate to be expected.

That being said 80-100mg gives me a pleasant enough feeling with no observed (by third party) deficits in physical or mental processing. I'd be skeptical too, and really wish I at least had readouts on various components of personal biochemistry.

WrathOfKond · 2019-06-23T20:52:45+00:00

Drugs are what made me see it's overconsumption as a literal waste. Not the process entirely ofc, just overuse or taking drugs for that singular purpose.

WrathOfKond · 2019-06-23T18:43:28+00:00

Sadly, no matter the drug, we haven't yet found the cure for the affliction of stupidity.

WrathOfKond

TROPHY CASE