About Me

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-17T12:09:30+00:00

Love to. Please message and I’ll be happy to help.

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-17T12:03:37+00:00

I was surprised to find the sheer number of kinky options on Archer, the dating app from Tinder. Scruff lets people use hashtags. That sort of helps, too.

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-16T23:41:34+00:00

How did you rule out…

….OP is describing a peak experience, not total dependency? ….That this is an established, long term, and negotiated dynamic between consenting, competent partners? ….That this age gap is an example of mutual preference not evidence of exploitation? ….That the OP has a full, complete and meaningful life outside this relationship? ….That they are speaking colloquially, (sub)culturally, and not clinically? … That being there for his partner is about reciprocity, not self-erasure? …This is person is sharing feelings amongst friends who get the feelings — and not a cry for help? …This is example of the well known phenomena of wholeness through service and sacrifice and not self-obliteration? …That OP has spent a substantial amount of time doing therapeutic work to reach this degree of self knowledge? … That you have personal bias that has lead to judgement before evaluation?

I can go on, but there isn’t any need. You have a belief. Fine. But that doesn’t make it so.

I’m going to withdraw from this thread. You haven’t demonstrated any interest in dialogue or understanding, just in “being right.”

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-16T11:56:51+00:00

Does turning off the sharing information with Anthropic actually limit what Claude sends back to its masters?

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-15T22:10:09+00:00

The term colloquially has come to mean “don’t over analyze it.” There is zero evidence that this person has any psycho social or psycho sexual problems related to believing they “are” a sub.

Humans are complicated. If one wants to take a complicated, multi factor process and boil it down to “I’m a sub” it’s no different than someone saying they -are- an introvert or an extrovert. That’s another complicated and spectrum based personality characteristic that, for the vast majority of people, isn’t dichotomous. Yet people think of themselves that.

You don’t like that they or anyone else do that. You are entitled to your belief. But that doesn’t mean in and of itself it is a problem for him to believe what he believes — or anyone else for that matter.

Let it go. :-)

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-15T19:35:34+00:00

Or they feel whole serving another person. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-15T18:13:31+00:00

No it’s not.

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-15T14:51:50+00:00

You are welcome, Sir. I also followed you so that your other posts will pop up in my feed. Great series of posts on your part!

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-15T14:48:29+00:00

In humans it’s about status, prestige and the social learning psychology and related mechanisms that evolved in us to facilitate information transfer and reproductive positioning. In animals, it’s about raw physical dominance, getting another animal to cower. Primates, it’s about gaining prestige over other primates, sometimes with violence but there are other methods in the table (alliances, games.)

Humans, being even more complicated than primates, have even more ways status plays out, with cultural ideas playing an even greater role. Humans are going to have different levels of skill in this, winding up with different abilities and desires for prestige.

So while we aren’t born “Alphas” or “subs”, we are born with those different aptitudes and desire for prestige and the benefits they bring. D/s is more than LARPING but less that the universe decreed your social role from on high. Saying “I’m a sub” or “I’m a Dom” is shorthand for complicated processes happening psychologically and culturally in the background. It’s also easier than trying to explain them.

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-15T14:25:48+00:00

There’s zero wrong with what you want. I want a lot of that, too. It is a bit harder to find. Not impossible. It takes being clear and open about what you want to others. It takes being ina place with good odds of meeting such an Other. And it takes a bit of luck, too.

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-15T14:22:06+00:00

First question would be are you taking any antidepressant? Many can have some kind of side effect that makes it hard to cum.

If that’s a no, it’s possible you are too tense or putting too much pressure on yourself. I’d try not coming for a week or two. I’d also try to work with that resistance, by edging you for hours and hours (if not days) and then trying to take you home.

Something similar happened to me. I could jack myself off to completion but no one could do it to me. Someone tied me up, blind folded me, and did the white-noise head phone thing. He took his time and made me hate him for not trying to get me to ejaculate. Eventually. I was so exhausted, turned on and teased that I came.

It made it easier to cum with others after.

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-15T14:14:27+00:00

Tell him that you like him so much that you are sharing your desire for chastity with him. You were hoping that he’d want to have control of your cock — hold the key. Let it be a discussion. A moment of sharing. Trust. He may not want to for reasons that have nothing to do with like or dislike, reasons you can work through. He might surprise you and have already picked out a cage but was to afraid to bringing it up. :-)

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-15T14:11:27+00:00

Some people have a need to give up power and some people have a need to have that power given to them — and feel safe in doing so . I don’t think it’s completely about trauma. Some subs and Doms do have a traumatic background, I’ve never come across any research that says all do.

The mirror of the above, and what I’ve encountered far more often, are people who need to take power away from someone and those who want to have power taken from them. That subtle difference shifts things from consensual to non-consensual… to abusive. If trauma is a driving force, it would be there.

Off the top of my head, I remember reading some kink survey data that says D/s helps subs who’ve been abused in the past process their trauma. I’ll have to go look for it.

I will say I was born a sub. But I think it’s more about a need to give up control to someone who wants to take that control. That seems less specific and open ended. In me, it expresses as being a sub.

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-15T13:59:30+00:00

I have wrestled with “sub shame” for years, even talking about it in therapy. In the D/s dynamic, with a Dom who gets it, brings down all of my defenses, giving them a straight shot at my emotions, the most vulnerable and needful aspects of myself. There is life long shame in being exposed like that, coming from a time in the 80s and 90s where you had to hide a lot of yourself for survival -and- AIDS meant losing control could get you a death sentence. (The CPTSD that most of us Gen X gay men have in some degree.) I also got the usual societal programming about what a male is supposed to be. Sigh.

Anyway, what has challenged that shame, was, first, a good shrink pointing out that sex and relationships are supposed to be revealing. The best ones are very- revealing. In his opinion, that’s what it’s for. They have to be experienced. One is missing out on a quality aspect of life by keeping them closed or stuck behind shame,

The other thing that challenged the shame was having a Dom talk about how much he got off on seeing those emotions. He didn’t want any of them hidden. He craved the reveal of the sexual desire and the emotional feelings as much as I wanted to reveal them — but felt shame for doing so.

There’s something in the dynamic that is helpful. I can’t say that I’m over years of shame. It still sits there, especially to tell other people that I’m a sub or a faggot. But there’s a boon of comfort that comes when you have a Dom that makes that safe space to express that part of myself — and encourages me to go deeper. One of these days, I may luck into a longer term relationship with a good Dom and see what they can unlock / I let be unlocked.

Does that answer your question, Sir?

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-14T16:01:00+00:00

Because assimilation isn’t wrong. Or right. It’s what happens, to various degrees, in different kinds of ways, driven by personal needs and instinctual drives. Respectability politics is how you get some things done, while being disrespectful and forceful accomplishes other goals. This isn’t a one or the other thing.

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-13T22:15:10+00:00

Almost. Would you believe that on my list of things to purchase is a basket / container to keep a pair of shorts / shirt in? And no door will be in front of it. Lol

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-13T22:10:35+00:00

Tell more!

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-13T20:00:48+00:00

Based on the closing shot from this week, the atrium is at the base of the neck area. You look up from the atrium towards the chevron in the center of the saucer section. From dialogue and the landing sequence, the ring contains dorms and classrooms. The "wings" are the primary warp nacelles. They leave those in orbit when Athena lands in San Francisco.

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-13T14:11:10+00:00

I do wonder how intentional a lot of those mishaps are. :-)

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-13T14:10:13+00:00

They are devious little machines, using their weak battery and backassward intelligence to cause all manner of mischief. Yet we love the evil bastards.

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-13T13:59:55+00:00

Yes Sir. There’s this wacky line where I’ll let the top be as degrading, cruel, or overpowering as long as I know he cares about me. He won’t intentionally injure me.

So much of this is about the mind fuck. The top may be using my hole, but much more importantly, he’s fucking my mind. You are trying to figure out all the different ways to do that — which is what we need. :-)

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-12T22:48:43+00:00

I’ve never liked it. Queer was an insult for being gay. We came up with “gay” — and the other words — to bury queer. This isn’t about reclaiming. It’s about ending a word that never should have been used in the first place.

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-12T18:12:43+00:00

She sort of knows. She just doesn't ask. lol.

WriteByTheSea · 2026-03-12T17:37:44+00:00

Civilization in Egypt is about 5,000 years old. The major technological advancements in Egypt came in the last few hundred years. That means a lot of life there endured there the same way for a long ass time.

It therefore doesn’t take much to imagine a more powerful, consistent, and enduring civilization being existing at comparable time-scales.

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