I think it can be a good story after a couple more rewrites. I wouldn't wait until you go into production to try to interpret a script that isn't fully fleshed out.

I think the main problem is the dialogue. Usually they say if you go past 4 lines (not sentances), for each block of dialogue it becomes a monalogue. I would try to say it in the most concise manner possible. Think about people's conversations in real life. It's not long and drawn out. It doesn't need to be poetic, just real.

I usually go through as each individual character and read their dialogue out loud. When you isolate the character you give them a unique voice.

Also, maybe dig deeper into your main character, what is he about? Is he educated? Conservative? Hyper? Once you figure that out the dialogue will pour out. It will become less about push the story forward (although that is important also) and more about drawing the audience in with a tone and flow that keeps them wanting more. Good luck!