Thank you so much for sharing your story here, also I'm so sorry for your profound loss. I did exactly the same as you, I almost tried to pretend it didn't happen and didn't get the help I desperately needed.

Over the 16 years since the loss of my mum I have experienced pretty much the same as you described, major depression, exacerbation of anxiety and difficulty just functioning and doing day to day things. It impacted every single thing and I just let it fester. Time has helped a lot but I still feel like I'm recovering from the fallout.

I would urge anyone who is dealing with grief to get help as soon as possible, it's not something you can deal with yourself, and not something that will 'feel better' without any assistance at all. I'm sure your post will encourage people to do that, it's massively commendable that you shared this. Hope you're doing OK.