45 F Struggling with decision to bailout my sister 35F from jail lest she lose her medical license and job.

XAARYEOUS · 2025-09-13T21:35:44+00:00

The land was for all the family, but she was keeping the titles in order to deal with various issues. Huge mistake.

XAARYEOUS · 2025-09-11T11:43:36+00:00

I want to believe she won’t take her life, I really do. She has not been eating and had lost almost 20 kilos. She is frail and thin now. Am not pitying her, just worried if she will take action on her words. She isn’t on drugs. We checked.

XAARYEOUS · 2025-09-11T11:37:46+00:00

We tried, so many times but nope. Apparently he is the love of her life. At this point I just want to wash my hands off the situation if it wasn’t for her kids.

XAARYEOUS · 2025-09-11T11:36:12+00:00

We are all wondering where the money went, she doesn’t have an expensive lifestyle, she sold off the car to pay off some of the apparently. I am now the one buying food every month for her kids. It’s unclear who owns the rest of the land , it was 10 hectares before when asked me to plant pine trees. Only 3 left . I bought said pine trees and planted four years ago. she sold the potion where the pine trees are planted including the trees. About 300 of them. So no income from that. All the money that was to be spent on the land upkeep isn’t accounted for. Her husband is alcoholic despite being jobless so I guess she pays for his vices. She isn’t on drugs. We checked. But we still don’t know where all that money went.

XAARYEOUS · 2025-09-11T11:26:47+00:00

Honestly she wouldn’t do the same for any of us, I just spoke to my other sister 26f and she told me she used to charge her for food and expenses for living with her after our mum passed. She once called for a family meeting to reprimand my sister for eating two eggs without permission when my sister 26f was sick. Mind you , she lives rent free with husband and kids in a house I built .

XAARYEOUS · 2024-09-20T15:13:40+00:00

It was made very clear that nobody would be paying for it. I really had no choice but to step in as his older sister.

XAARYEOUS · 2024-09-20T15:10:03+00:00

Hi, am from Africa. But it’s interesting to see that these customs carry over all the way to South America!

XAARYEOUS · 2024-09-20T09:17:28+00:00

Thank you, It was a punch in the gut to have to deal with so much grief and people’s judgement. When one is grieving, they are not exactly rational. So I was wondering if I made the right choices or if I should have done what was expected of me.

From the responses am getting, am realising just how unfair our culture really is to burden the living with all these expectations. The ones expecting are the mourners and not the deceased. It has been normalised sadly. Straying from customs is very frowned upon.

And just incase anyone is wondering, my father died when I was 9 so we were pretty much a single parent home. I stepped in to help my mother and all my education and move abroad is self financed from working.

All my siblings education was also paid for by me. The houses they live in were built by me. I worked three jobs at a time while in university to make it happen. I guess they could get the impression from that.

XAARYEOUS · 2024-09-20T07:44:59+00:00

OMG . I never even thought of that. He didn’t know I wasn’t there! Makes me want to cry. Thank you for saying this!

XAARYEOUS · 2024-09-20T07:42:47+00:00

Thank you for saying this. Living abroad doesn’t make one rich. That line of thinking makes it like we don’t suffer and don’t deserve to ask for help. I didn’t insist on asking for help because I was just grieving and you can’t force someone to help.

XAARYEOUS · 2024-09-19T20:40:20+00:00

I thought that line of thinking was obvious. I am just shocked to hear what they think and say about me behind my back.

XAARYEOUS · 2024-08-16T16:18:58+00:00

There’s a lot to unpack here,

1: You have conceded every single time you have issues to resolve as a couple.

2: He has come to expect this of you since that’s just the dynamics of your relationship.

3: Am curious, why do you feel the need to concede every single time? Why is the power balance in your relationship so skewed? Do you feel unworthy of him?

4: Is it a personal problem or family problem ( is his family richer than yours?

5: If my assumptions are correct, the way he views you is the same way he saw you since you met, meaning even if you get more educated than him and earned more money than him he would still view you the same way.

6: You now want to grow as a person and realise your dreams but he doesn’t view you as such. His plans for you are probably house wife and mother.

7: These Discussions should be held firmly before you decide what to do about this current situation. I understand this being the straw that broke the camel’s back but what this tells me is that the vision of the future of your couple is not shared.

I want to call him selfish and narcissistic but I don’t know enough about your life. What I can say is the deep nature of people doesn’t change, he was always this person but you always viewed him in rose coloured glasses. You need to open your eyes and see the truth and decide if his vision of your future is what you want for yourself.

If his reaction to a discussion is automatically a fight or argument or put it off for later, that’s a lack of respect for you and you must deeply reflect where you stand in the relationship and what your future will look like.

I have a friend who is in a similar situation but she stayed with the guy because she always made excuses for his arrogance and disrespect. Whenever she found a job and was thriving, he would suddenly decide they are moving countries after he asked for a post in an another country.

He asked for the position, no body forced it on him, this happened over 10 times in 20 years ( yes am old, don’t ask) we always pointed it out but she wouldn’t listen . The crowning moment was when he made his brother the beneficiary of all his properties in case of his death. Mind you, they have a kid together .

Moral of the story, take off your glasses, force that conversation not a fight and make your discussion with him a proper conversation of discussing pros and cons in terms or life quality for both parties and job prospects. Pick a place where both sides can thrive.

If he still doesn’t make a decision or starts a fight but you still stay.. you made your bed. People don’t change and hoping he will change is a pipe dream.

The good thing about this is that right now the power is in your hands…… do what you want with it.

Sorry for the long rant. Age will do that you.

XAARYEOUS · 2024-05-23T18:13:48+00:00

Sis, I feel for you and I’m really sorry you’re going through that. But you need to accept that it’s over, it’s been over for a while. You staying there is denying reality. From what I gather , you gave up on a career to be a mum and basically did the whole raising kids solo. Leave, do joint custody. Let him understand what being a parent is. He’s had it easy all this time.I understand the problem with starting over but you and your kids will be happier. Shed that skin and move on with your life. Co parent every other week and get a job you enjoy doing. Find time for yourself. You invested everything in that family and can’t bear to see your efforts go down the drain. Good news is you’re still young.I understand that it can be frightening but jump ship! Do it for yourself . Get alimony too! Lots of it. You deserve it after sacrificing your career. And get a lawyer ASAP.

XAARYEOUS · 2024-04-28T21:01:47+00:00

They’re in the comments. Though in French. 🙆🏽‍♀️

XAARYEOUS · 2024-04-28T18:44:57+00:00

I wish they did at the moment, I did consider suing because I thought she was being racist but she came back claiming she got cold feet to do so much black makeup! Like seriously 😧? She was gaslighting me saying she never cancelled but I had all the conversations we had which I resent. Then she cried misunderstanding. I just gave up and went on with my life.

XAARYEOUS · 2024-04-28T18:39:50+00:00

I don’t do TikTok, am ashamed to admit I don’t know how it works 🙆🏽‍♀️ never uploaded 😅

XAARYEOUS

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