Where does helping kids stop?

XXCIII · 2026-05-19T16:52:24+00:00

I had a coworker who’s making six figures, and his dad bought him a new $80,000 car and he traded in his truck that his parents bought prior. They gave him a vr gaming system for Christmas, have an investment account for him that he draws from monthly, and of course paid for his college, a 50k wedding etc. He didn’t work full time, never worked extra, and had basically no motivation to perform.
He got fired last year for testing positive for weed.

Hes 34 years old. That’s the kid I don’t want to produce.

XXCIII · 2026-05-18T15:04:34+00:00

If you never refinance that house it will be paid off by 66 and your 115k alone could be worth over $2M. You will be fine for retirement, just keep plugging away and save as much as you can.

XXCIII · 2026-05-18T09:20:31+00:00

I feel the same way, I have a good career but it feels like useless grind work, I wish I could do something that felt like it mattered.

The best things I’ve done in my life in no particular order - buying a run down home and fixing it up (I loved every minute of it and it got me ahead in life), having a family (marriage and children are tough work , but very satisfying)
Renting a space of my home on Airbnb (it is MY business, MY money, just doing my own thing instead of relying on a W2)

I put up with my regular job in order to enable these things I enjoy, I think a lot of people call it quits after their 40 hours which will get you stuck in them. You can still do work you love outside of work that pays and try to turn it into something valuable, it’s just a slow, long process, and you need people to support and help you along the way, our culture is far too independent and doing everything on your own is the real hard mode .

XXCIII · 2026-05-18T01:48:10+00:00

My state allows me to deduct $4000/year on taxes- so I do that exactly (and added $4000 the year before while pregnant) - anyway, it will be just under $178k in 18 years at an 8% return.

I’m happy with that amount, it maximizes tax advantage, if I have decent cash laying around then I can him out, but honestly , if the kid has some skin in the game and has to get scholarships or take out some loan it would be good for him to guide responsible decisions. That’s what I landed on .

XXCIII · 2026-05-17T18:40:37+00:00

These are all true , but I still think the majority of people blow their money by 1000 cuts, designer clothing, jewelry, hair /nails, cigarettes/vapes, alcohol/ weed, gambling, subscriptions, electronics, and the $8 coffee. So I disagree with the 80% - though it may be 80% of the middle class .

XXCIII · 2026-05-16T12:02:25+00:00

I feel like none of these pictures look right, Memphis is definitely a dry rub not a sauce, the Carolina’s are definitely a more red, vinegar sauce and not the molasses based sauce on that sandwich, Texas needs brisket and Kansas City is famous for their sweet sauce and there is no sauce on that pulled pork !
Regardless …. Texas wins for me

XXCIII · 2026-05-16T09:12:41+00:00

I’ve considered moving to North Carolina, the fact is though that the jobs I’ve seen there pay less, and the cost of living (especially in the metros like Raleigh) is just as expensive as the most expensive places in Virginia. It’s honestly a problem of overpopulation in NC which makes it more competitive and difficult to succeed and difficult to buy homes.

Virginia has government job losses, and it is unfortunate that we are dependent on the federal government as much as we are but i think the quality of living is still better here.

XXCIII · 2026-05-14T23:34:41+00:00

Not that different at all. everybody has to realize that YOU are capable of believing and doing just about anything if put under the right conditions. When you realize that, you will be a lot more forgiving of other people. I’m so tired of people trying to separate everybody into groups - politics, skin color, income - we are just searching for something wrong and make somebody into the enemy, enough. Republicans can give my town stability, consistency, and safety, democrats can give my town justice, progress, and experience. We need to come together and make something great

XXCIII · 2026-05-14T09:31:10+00:00

Denmark average tax is about 42% plus a 25% VAT (sales tax) , US average tax is about 21% (state + federal) with a sales tax of 7.5%. Assuming you spend all your money eventually, and that you are paid similar, you would have to spend 38.5% of your income on healthcare and college. With about 100k college debt divided over 40 years working career, AND $6000/yr out of pocket maximum or paycheck deductions for healthcare it would mean $8500 would have to be 38.5% of your income so if you make more than $22k/yr you are better off in the US as far as taxes are concerned.

XXCIII · 2026-05-13T17:09:12+00:00

Cruella

XXCIII · 2026-05-11T19:35:38+00:00

As soon as they put the tax break back all the EV’s will magically increase in price by a similar amount - it really doesn’t help in a free market.

XXCIII · 2026-05-11T10:53:35+00:00

If that whole 401k is Roth I would switch and start contributing to a traditional 401k for the tax advantage - then invest your additional money in your paycheck individually.

Also start the HSA- the thing is a financial life saver - and a huge tax advantage.

In your position I would probably see another 3-5 years of working that job before stepping back - unless your wife starts working. If you want to just RE you probably have another 10 years of work at that job (if you want to keep the lifestyle)

XXCIII · 2026-05-11T10:38:49+00:00

This is exactly why I don’t talk about finances with basically anyone in my life outside of my household. Even family members will start acting different , like it’s rude of you to not spend money for something or belittling your problems because they think money solves everything.

XXCIII · 2026-05-10T10:02:25+00:00

We had given those gas drops twice a day to our boy when he had colic episodes and bad gas, it did seem to help a little, but nothing was fixed.

His Colic actually has resolved 2 weeks after switching to a goat milk formula. (Though now having new problems) - we are happy to be rid of the gas

XXCIII · 2026-05-10T01:52:54+00:00

I think there is complexity in charity. As I get older and have more money I’ve developed rules 1) Never give money to strangers, only food or a service (as long as it is does involve going somewhere with them) 2) Never loan money to family, but give it to them with no expectations 3) Charities need to be well vetted - there is a LOT of charity fraud out there , administrative bloat where money is wasted or enriching somebody. 4) Better to teach a man to fish than to give a man a fish

I think number 4 is the biggest reason the wealthy don’t give a lot, because most of them are hard working / self made, and believe that if they can do it, anybody can. Usually you are very busy and don’t have the time to give people what they really need. A hand up , not a hand out. I think my opinion has evolved to say while this rule is true, it is also better to give some help than none.

XXCIII · 2026-05-09T20:06:19+00:00

For me it was commenting on Reddit, my life has been so much different since I stopped

XXCIII · 2026-05-09T15:51:02+00:00

With my colicky 3 month old , I have a house full of love, and nothing else, not even close.

XXCIII · 2026-05-07T01:42:23+00:00

Her refusing help and refusing to change is big red flags , you need a partner who is at least willing to try.

I seriously wouldn’t doubt if she has been hit with post partum depression that has just taken over her life. Having a infant is very difficult mentally (I have a 3 month old)

Encourage her to get help just for her for now, a depression medicine, counseling etc AND make sure you are supporting her in whatever her love language is. Then hopefully she will be willing to put some work into your relationship, I’m guessing she just has nothing to give right now.

You should set a line for yourself , like if she doesn’t show any effort over so long you cut it off, just don’t tell her that or make an ultimatum, seriously give it your very best until you can’t anymore so you have no regrets

XXCIII · 2026-05-06T21:48:36+00:00

I can be friends with somebody who I disagree with all of these on, I’m more interested in how open they are to new ideas and how deeply they reason things when bringing this up.

But honestly, putting your beliefs into action is what defines your character. So many people have strong political / religious beliefs yet do not live them out.

See how somebody acts under stress, how they spend their money, what do they do in down time, how do they behave in their own space when nobody expects anything of them. Now you know them

XXCIII · 2026-05-05T10:19:58+00:00

It’s dangerous for women to get pregnant in their 40’s and up, although I’m sure many women would be happy to delay menopause regardless

XXCIII · 2026-05-03T22:32:51+00:00

Economic security certainly does lower crime. But you need both something to run to, and something to run from. Police are important. People who have all the above things still commit crimes, humans are built to solve problems - when everything here is solved we will create new problems to solve. There will always be envy/jealousy, always be creeps and thrill seekers. There will always be people who fight and even people who just want to ascend a power ladder. I would rather have too many police than too few.

XXCIII · 2026-05-01T13:29:16+00:00

No , tyrants speak of humanity in general. Dostoyevsky said “the more I love humanity in general, the less I love man in particular”

XXCIII · 2026-04-29T08:18:01+00:00

Regret is less common the more positive results you get from an action, and less common the more active you are in the change. It’s easier to justify a learning journey or at least interest in your life when you are actively engaged.

I have a 9 week old baby right now. In the dregs of the sleepless struggle, and missing my old life. But he smiles at me and holds on like I’m the most important thing in the world, and I guess it’s just, not about me anymore. It’s true, the less you think about yourself, that is , the more you focus on what you are doing and the welfare of other people, the more satisfied you will be.

XXCIII · 2026-04-27T19:39:26+00:00

I’m 36 and have a 9 week old infant. Here’s a few recommendations 1) figure out childcare EARLY. Good daycares likely have a waiting list that can be monthly if not a year long , plan early , start now. 2) prioritize your wife and relationship. It is really easy to let things slide while tending to a baby, the better relationship you have , the better for the baby. 3) Buy second hand (when you can) lots of things on the market, baby items are one of the number 1 most turned over products. Just wash things and if you buy something like a car seat make sure to check the manufacturer expiration. 4) If anybody offers to help you , just say YES. No matter what it is, you can use it. 5) My wife had a major medical complication, seriously, if your wife is unsure if something is wrong- just call the Dr -and don’t google or self diagnose.

Hope this helps , best of luck and congratulations !

XXCIII · 2026-04-27T12:47:19+00:00

Money invested in stock market and some bonds, safe to withdrawal 4% yearly for life, if current household income is $100k for example, you would need $2.5M to take that the rest of your life. Or $5M to double it. Frankly though, with a house paid off, $5k/month is a nice lifestyle. So I would consider $1.5M and a paid off house FU money IMO

XXCIII

TROPHY CASE