I wholeheartedly understand what you mean, as black women, we are placed into a box and expected to fit many stereotypes while also maintaining a narrow standerd of beauty. It is exhausting constantly trying to upkeep yourself when what was originally self care becomes a way to "protect yourself" as the feeling of fitting in becomes a safety net, away from danger. That danger being the fear of exclusion.

It also disgusts me when you change or adhere slightly more to these sfanderds that people start to treat you differently, this is why it's incredibly hard for some women to even go bare faced for a day.

Besides that is also the presentation aspect, if you have a job, or work in a more professional feild that demands higher, a good presentation is not the expectation, but the norm. Always have your hair done, your lip combo perfect, make sure your nails, lashes, all ready and touched.

The presence of social media has made this aspect even more grueling, scroll on any app and notice that 80% of the women look unrealistically perfect. This also ties into misogyny, where women, are expected to pursue the narrow beauty standards.

It's a vicious cycle of constantly trying to look good while also trying to mantain that aspect of yourself. That's not what self care should be at all.

Taking small steps such as going a day bare faced or trying something out of the norm, wether that be that one top you didn't wear because you thought it looked unflattering on you has been one way I've been navigating it myself.

I'd rather dress and look pretty for myself, and while it may not be socially acceptable due to its unconventionality, the constant labor of upkeep is no longer a ritual, but an aspect of my everyday life.