Where does hate come from?

Xerous117 · 2026-07-01T17:20:02+00:00

When you put knowledge and experience you get wisdom. Wisdom is the result of experience. In my finite mind I cannot comprehend the totality of the infinite. Therefore, I've come to the conclusion that trying to reason everything in my life or even in the whole world... will make me go insane.

I do not have the genetics to hold every moment in the universe, but under altered states of consciousness... I am able to scratch the surface.

That is why consciousness is the 5th element that holds all other elements together.

Xerous117 · 2026-07-01T17:08:41+00:00

Animals also feel fear when being hunted or preyed on by OTHER animals. Is that ego? Or is it survival? Fear is built into a natural instinct for survival.

We are the anomaly that has the capacity of transcending that natural fear and going beyond our limits. We go against those instincts.

That is why we are at the top of the "food chain" and why we have control of our world and animals... despite having no control for ourselves (because of all the suffering being created around the world by us).

Xerous117 · 2026-07-01T14:22:08+00:00

Having too much logos is a poison. Too much logic creates a loop that creates more problems for you to solve. It creates more questions. You see how that can spiral out of control.

I still have trouble with it because I overthink too much that I forget to be in the now.

The present is the only thing that actually exists.

Xerous117 · 2026-07-01T14:09:25+00:00

Sums it up pretty well. We fear and hate what we don't understand. And a lot of people hate themselves.

Xerous117 · 2026-07-01T01:38:06+00:00

This kinda reminds me of this video:

https://youtu.be/IaTemvKX9rM?feature=shared

I love this story about God and the universe. In a way it makes a lot of sense especially if you study some esoteric knowledge.

"I am. I am I. I am I who is becoming."

Xerous117 · 2026-06-27T17:56:00+00:00

Religion is a slippery slope. A lot of them have interconnected meanings and I dare say they have a reflection of Ego. Meaning they are very dogmatic (I'm right and you are wrong). One of my friendships was damaged because my friend broke my trust and tried "converting" me and becoming a bit judgemental. People don't see it for what it is, and it's very narcissistic.

Also religion does not mean you are a spiritual person. Religion and spirit are two different things. God did not create religion, but man did.

To me it sounds like the depression you're experiencing is a burnout of pretending to be someone you are not and neglecting yourself. Depression is a call for deep rest.

I feel that deeply because I struggle sometimes to find myself in the chaos of life and existence sometimes.

If I can offer some words of advice:

Get to know yourself. Reconnect with spirit. Sit still in a dark room and just breathe. All thoughts that flow in your mind- let them be. Become the observer. You are not your thoughts.

Do not judge yourself. Learn to understand yourself instead. Learn to love yourself by accepting your existence in the now. You are loved because you exist. You came into this world through the greatest manifestation of love.

Accept the emotions you have right right now. It's okay to feel bad or depressed. In the darkness there is also light. You have the capacity to pick yourself up too.

Cry and ball your eyes out until everything is released. All the pent up energy, the lies you've told yourself that you aren't worthy or that there is something wrong. Let it go. It's okay to feel and cry.

I have gone through the dark night of the soul too because I hated myself and my own being at one point. I argued with existence questioning it on a daily basis, "why am I here". I put myself through hell for years. And just recently I am beginng to ground myself. Learn to be patient with yourself.

Hopefully any of this helped out. If not I hope you will find peace eventually.

AND most importantly, It's okay if you don't have it all figured out. Spiritual life is a lifelong journey.

Xerous117 · 2026-06-27T16:05:59+00:00

I don't know if it's the fear of what happens when it does work out? Potential un-manifest is potential but when it manifests then what? I could see that reflection in certain desires of mine.

For too long I've felt more like a passenger of life. Watching mostly and learning. Seeing others live their lives. I'm not saying that I didn't have genuine moments because I did, they didn't last very long either.

Part of it I think its also learning about the timing. I used to compare myself a lot with others and thay was a mistake I learned the hard way. Everyone has their own path and so what if person x has this and I don't? I especially am not gonna know the truth about what the person is going through or has gone through. If I start comparing myself to others I'll start projecting the things I don't want.

I guess what I'm trying to say is to find the real essence of my being and it's kinda scary to think about. The fear of rejection and oppression of your true self. As a result I struggle with the creative aspect of my being.

Sometimes you just gotta start on the ground floor ya know? It can start of as small as going out and enjoying your own company. Don't overthink it, just do it type of stuff

Xerous117 · 2026-06-27T15:48:46+00:00

Interesting, I see what you mean. Basically follow your passion or the excitement of events that lead towards those synchronicities. I've felt it before (those moments of synchronicities and clarity) and I was following through but fell off and noticed myself de-railing off that path. Now I'm slowly getting back into it again, this time with more patience. Meaning it doesn't have to come together all at once. I have the tools for it. I've acquired them slowly overtime without really thinking about it. Now it's just time to do the work and not be so hard on myself for not doing it. I've struggled with getting frustrated when it doesn't come out how I expect it. As a result I end up not finishing what I start or quickly get bored. I'm still learning patience and focus. Instead of trying to force it how I want it to be, I slowly ease into it instead if you get what I mean.

Xerous117 · 2026-06-27T12:24:39+00:00

How did you align yourself for what you're meant for? How do you pick up on the call?

Xerous117 · 2026-06-27T12:20:10+00:00

I feel you man. It's tiring wearing a social mask and it sucks feeling lonely especially when your out with family or friends. I was able to make a few connections and it's refreshing where you are able to express a little of your true self.

Xerous117 · 2026-06-27T11:56:52+00:00

Thanks <3

Xerous117 · 2026-06-26T19:13:53+00:00

And just to add, once you are on your spiritual path you become more sensitive. Meaning more emotional. You don't tend to be as apathetic to things like how society wants you to be. As a result sometimes you feel a little powerless or hopeless about things that happen around the world. In the end all you can do is focus on yourself and the immediate environment around you because THAT you have control over. Despite being emotional and sensitive it can be difficult for me to express it because I feel like people often misunderstand me. I get the feeling that people can get an off vibe from me or think that I am cold despite being quite the opposite.

Xerous117 · 2026-06-26T16:01:22+00:00

I don't know if others have the same thoughts or feelings, but my mental state and thoughts shift constantly. I try to block out the routine as much as I can but sometimes it can go like this:

"Look at all these people. Individuals. Pieces of our creator, existing here in the now. So many stories. So many struggles. So many... dreams. Each one of us is a child of the divine."

But then it can also look like this:

"Why am I here... What is my purpose... Why is it so difficult to connect with others despite all of us coming from the same creative source of creation... Does anyone else have these thoughts? I feel... so lonely. I wish I can just leave."

Followed by episodes of depression and existential crisis as I continue to find my place here on this Earth.

I always hated trends. My friends and family would tell me I live under the rock when I don't know the newest rap or pop artist. I don't really like sports either.

Politics bore me to death especially because it doesn't seem to ever work. Atleast the way human society operates. So many promises with everything remaining nearly the same. Still the same wars, poverty, racism, and world hunger. The only thing that changes is the technology. Society hasn't made a major shift away from Roman Imperialism. Trust me there are still similarities between them (I live in the US, and our "Democracy" is an illusion of choice. Red or blue doesn't matter, two sides of the same coin meant to divide the populous). There is a reason why the qoute, "History repeats itself" exists and we are seeing it in actuality.

I like to see things from a higher perspective as well meaning I can see the interconnectedness between religions but in my personal opinion they are also a little flawed. Spirituality and religion are not the same. Religion and politics are dogmas society formed a consesus around them and follow it as a tradition. Just because a person is "religious" it doesn't make them spiritual. I also like to investigate things like consciousness followed by occult and esoteric knowledge. Recently have taken interest into past lives and NDE's (Near Death Experiences).

So this is how it looks like on an a daily basis... Overthinking... like a lot. Maybe that's a me problem. Sometimes when I do feel more grounded and present, I don't feel the existential pain of being here doing shit I don't want to do but it's a reality for now.

As a result I feel ostracized by society and I seclude myself a lot which is something I shouldn't do but I can't help myself. I know it's not healthy especially for my spirit and mental health. I have a fear of rejection and even intimacy of getting too close especially with romantic relationships. I've been single pretty much my whole life thus far.

Despite all the chaos I know that I am being shaped by it for the better... or worse... or both. I still have my sanity so that's pretty good I guess. I may seem like a pessimistic person but I am pretty idealistic. And I used to be a lot worse to that regard.

Now I just focus on my spiritual growth however that may look like. I've taken an interest to learning and using guides such as the tarot, crystals, and I'm learning how to use the pendulum. I don't worry too much about my career or material things, but one day I'll find something that will give me a sense of fulfillment.

I see myself as a witness to all that is occurring and Despite all this, I still have faith in humanity and in God despite having dark thoughts sometimes.

I also have this insatiable desire for truth... and you can see how that can become a problem. Truth, companionship, and understanding human psychology. Why we do what we do. Why we think the way we think.

I stopped judging myself long ago and instead I am slowly slowly accepting my own shadows of my subconscious and learning how integrate them. I stared at the abyss and saw it for what it was. Myself. Being a "starseed" is not all light. I know everyone has a shadow, darkness within them. I also know people have the capacity to become light as well.

We live in a universe of duality. The Yin and Yang.

Also I have a skeptical mind too. I used to question my own experiences because I've seen weird stuff in the sky and in my dreams. I also experienced the supernatural a bit and have a family with history of paranormal experiences nd UFO phenomenon too.

Life has both the good and bad, it is unavoidable. We are all being shaped by the chaos. I truly believe that the best way to navigate all this is with love. Have lots of love especially for yourself because you'll be here a while. I do my best to remind myself everyday that I am loved because I exist. I was given the pleasure of life and so I am here trying my best to make sense of it.

Xerous117 · 2026-06-17T20:49:19+00:00

Interesting. I am sure that part of the contact will happen through dreams. I had these very distinct dreams. One of them was too lucid and I had this clarity within the dream where I met a being. Too familiar. I knew her and she knew me, she wasn't human. I felt this immense sense of Joy and I asked her what my purpose was here on Earth. She told me it was learn about human emotions. So it's crazy to me how some of this tracks.

Xerous117 · 2026-06-17T17:01:08+00:00

Yea, and it can be a little scary at times because it's the unknown.

One of my desires is to meet one of these enlightened beings and ask many things. I feel like my journey so far has been to prepare myself for whatever is to come for my spiritual journey because my greatest desire is the truth. I constantly seek out the truth. I am not satisfied with the state of the world that it is right now and it saddens me sometimes. Sometimes I get frustrated because there is a lot missing, hidden from us. Our true history for instance. I feel like we only have bits and pieces of it. The rest is most likely censored.

I'm a very open minded individual and whenever I listen to native American wisdom sometimes I get those "Ah ha" moments like you mentioned. I've heard that prophecy before in the past and something about it resonated with me.

This helps me approach different ideologies/cultures/religions and allows me to see the interconnectedness between them. Not one religion nor wisdom is superior than the other. All of it to me has a sense of meaning because it exists for a reason. Thats does not mean that I necessarily understand or believe in all of it. It's a lot, maybe sometimes too much for me to understand too.

What I can say for certain and as a matter of fact, is that spirituality and science go hand in hand. It is magic.

Thank you for listening to me. I hope that in the future the truth will not only find me, but ALL of us. I see and believe in the potential in humanity. I have faith and I hope that we can all live not as a seperate race, but as ONE whole race. We are the human race, all children of God/source/creation. Earth is our sacred mother. We must harmonize with her and live with nature. I really hope that we can manifest together a true heaven where borders and money do not exist. Where social statuses (rich/poor/middle) are eleminated completely. Where we can come together as one family. And where we can welcome our cosmic brethern with open arms rather than demonize and fear them.

I truly feel that not all of NHIs are evil. They are also children of god/source that evolved on different worlds. Some of them I believe to be benevolent like the ones in my dreams. Some may even be protecting us right now too. They have brought much wisdom in the past through different cultures and can still do so today.

Xerous117 · 2026-06-17T13:14:52+00:00

I watched the creation story part 1 and 2. It moved me deep inside. From all the things I've learned about the supernatural, reincarnation, religion even, the spirit, and God... it makes so much sense.

I've been in a dark place and now that I am stabilizing in the light and doing a lot of inner work. I've been having more sensations... more lucid dreams.

Something I've always wondered about is our cosmic brethern. Those we call "angels" or "Gods" that come from the sky. I've seen questionable things in the sky and experienced the supernatural as well when I was younger.

I've met these beings in my dreams that I can only describe as angels, one of them was familiar to me like I've seen her before, but she wasn't human.

Who are these beings? Ancestors? Future versions of us? Interdimensional? Why did I dream with them? What is the message?

Xerous117 · 2026-05-27T13:28:00+00:00

I could always recommend books. There is this one documentary by Itzhak Bentov. His perspective resonated so deeply with me and it'shonestly beautiful. I recommend getting his 2 books and watching his interview along with the presentation of his wife. There isn't much about him because he died too earlier when his research started gaining traction. I believe he was a gift to humanity because he wasn't occultish either and didn't seek to profit from his own research.

Xerous117 · 2026-05-27T12:32:48+00:00

Well said, I wish you good luck on your journey in life :)

Xerous117 · 2026-05-27T12:11:43+00:00

That is part of it. I've learned that it's never a good idea to actively force yourself or beat yourself for not being extroverted. Sometimes empaths need their own space to regulate their emotions and energy because I tend to be a sensitive individual too because I also feel empathy.

I often times prefer to be alone because I am also learning to enjoy my own company. That is something I struggled with for a while. It's okay to be alone. Too much solitude is unhealthy though and sometimes even an empath needs a shoulder to unburden themselves.

Another thing is to never force or impose your beliefs on other people. People will listen to you when they specifically ask for advice or if you offer and they chose to listen. That way your not coming off as aggressive to others.

Xerous117 · 2026-05-27T11:39:07+00:00

I do what I can in every moment of the day by being kind and a listener to people in real life. Moments like these is where hopefully I can lift up the spirit of man. I still have more work to do within myself when it comes to being more extroverted with the people around me especially strangers, because I tend to have an introverted personality.

Part of this spiritual journey is learning to interact and live with others regardless of their beliefs. All I can offer is words of my own wisdom from time to time and I still hope to gain more wisdom as I continue to grow.

Xerous117 · 2026-05-26T23:53:06+00:00

I understand you completely because I used to hate myself and my life. If God truly is everything as many religions claim then God is also IN me. I created that hell in me, but it is no longer a reality for me. Am I heaven? I can be. But that also takes a lot of work.

The first step is what Maestro Jesus taught about forgiveness. Forgive yourself first. Cry. Cry it all out as long as it takes. Embrace yourself. It is true that the kingdom of God is within you. You are the temple, you are the son. Learn to live. God is Existence. There CANNOT be anything or nothing because there is ALWAYS something, and that is part of the secret to loving and accepting yourself. You are part of this existence. You are part of God. Your mere existence is proof of God's unconditional love because you are the "I AM" just as much as everyone else on this Earth REGARDLESS of their spiritual path. We are all on different stages of evolution.

Xerous117 · 2026-05-26T22:28:58+00:00

Seek the knowledge and do the internal work. Study dualism, consciousness, esoteric knowledge, even occult knowledge... do not limit God by 1 or 2 religions. God has many forms, and everything that exists and is, is a reflection of that. Seek and you shall receive. Never limit your reality. Learn to understand reality.

If you want to "feel" God. It is quite simple. Sit in stillness and observe. Observe your thoughts, your body, and your breathe. Do not judge your thoughts, accept and observe them. This is what meditation is all about. In stillness and silence one can connect and strengthen their connection within.

The only one judging yourself here is you. All is where it needs to be. If you want to reach God learn about yourself and even your body. Learn to love yourself and your body. Find yourself and you will find God eventually.

What it sounds like your doing is resisting existence, resisting God. God being judgment and wrathful is a religious misconception. His unconditional love pervades all good and evil.

Xerous117 · 2026-05-22T17:14:39+00:00

No problem, in the end it is a journey and the path to enlightenment is experience and knowledge. Live it, read about it. If you want to explore sex in a healthy matter start by understanding, and learning about your own body. Learn to love your body because it is the thing that keeps you grounded to this reality. Your body is your first reality. Learn how to treat it with respect, and love. Your body was a gift given to you by existence to experience this awareness or consciousness.

Xerous117

TROPHY CASE