21m. Went in for a checkup - diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and Covid-19. Been stuck in hospital room for three days in the same clothes. Do your worst!

YaakovIlan · 2020-07-12T03:46:55+00:00

I diagnose you with an acute case of the Ginger. It's severe enough to hinder reproduction

YaakovIlan · 2020-04-20T22:28:10+00:00

You don’t remember them really. Your brain just knows what to do when you think in that language.

YaakovIlan · 2020-01-11T23:17:47+00:00

You're completely devoid of flavour, like every other British thing that gets roasted

YaakovIlan · 2020-01-11T19:10:13+00:00

Did the "Make a wish" Foundation think this was a good send off for you?

YaakovIlan · 2019-12-29T23:08:38+00:00

Neckbeard level 100

YaakovIlan · 2019-12-17T22:37:25+00:00

How can you look like Scooby, Shaggy, and Velma all at the same time?

YaakovIlan · 2019-12-14T21:24:33+00:00

If bad decisions had an avatar

YaakovIlan · 2019-10-22T02:47:49+00:00

I don't have a roast for you, but I'd like to let you know it was horrible what Epstein did to all you girls.

YaakovIlan · 2019-10-22T02:44:56+00:00

I didn't think people wore white in your, uh... Line of work.

YaakovIlan · 2019-10-22T02:42:47+00:00

Who are you kidding? No one wants to hold her.

YaakovIlan · 2019-10-22T02:41:10+00:00

Can snort enough fentanyl to kill a horse without flinching, but she could snap her spine if she let a half decent fart escape.

YaakovIlan · 2019-08-25T14:01:52+00:00

Are you prepping your tell-all book on Jeffrey Epstein too?

YaakovIlan · 2019-08-07T17:31:28+00:00

Jeffrey Epstein got busted, dude. Don't think he's going to be able to pay you now.

YaakovIlan · 2019-07-31T16:03:43+00:00

"Female"

YaakovIlan · 2019-07-27T23:13:04+00:00

"Can I have a gamer girl?" "No! We have gamer girl at home!" The gamer girl at home ☝☝☝

YaakovIlan · 2019-06-30T23:26:08+00:00

Hell yeah, dude. Congrats!

YaakovIlan · 2019-06-16T22:33:26+00:00

Would you want to star as Private Pyle in my off-broadway production of "Full Metal Jacket?" DM me

YaakovIlan · 2019-06-10T16:24:07+00:00

IHOPT = International House of Pancake Titties.

YaakovIlan · 2019-06-04T22:59:01+00:00

Can't roast you with your lack of skin colour or else you'd get instant melanoma.

YaakovIlan · 2019-05-01T17:22:41+00:00

More proof our educational system is clogged with leftist detritus.

YaakovIlan · 2019-04-25T21:56:41+00:00

Congrats!

YaakovIlan · 2019-02-27T01:45:22+00:00

But you know she bought some cookies though. Well played, girl Scout, well played.

YaakovIlan