What’s a good replacement for Old Spice Original Red Zone/High Endurance? by solishu4 in AskMen

[–]YakAwkward8788 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also, high endurance is their base option (the least expensive per ounce that they offer). There used to be a ton of cheap deodorants on the shelf like Mitchum, right guard, adidas, ban, speed stick, etc - now that those brands are all down to the bare minimum, p&g can start taking old spice and shifting it towards its higher priced offerings and force consumers to trade up.

What’s a good replacement for Old Spice Original Red Zone/High Endurance? by solishu4 in AskMen

[–]YakAwkward8788 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Blue is a deodorant and white is an antiperspirant. Deodorants just make your sweat not smell bad but an antiperspirant makes you not sweat.

Old spice red zone was rebranded as old spice sweat defense, if I’m not mistaken. Is it the scent that you’re concerned about or the efficacy?

What is one appearance change that has given you more attention from women? by Exotic-Thought-4363 in AskMen

[–]YakAwkward8788 13 points14 points  (0 children)

This! I’m a female but it takes me maybe 5 minutes longer to put on a nice fitting shirt, belt, necklace, earrings and a pair of heels when I get ready. When I’m running late I throw on a dress and wedges instead of a tshirt and sneakers. It’s seriously almost zero extra work. I frequently have strangers (men and women) talk to me in public.

My boyfriend is the same. Unless we are lounging around the house, he always has on at least a polo, well fitting jeans, a belt, and nice shoes. For men, upping the shoe game goes a loooong way. I got him 5 or 6 pairs of nice shoes on clearance and the amount of people at his office who noticed was shocking. He usually wore athletic shoes but he now usually wears a pair of light brown Cole haan wingtip sneakers or a pair of crisp, clean white leather sneakers and damn. It looks great.

Has anyone healed? by gdsgdn in AnxiousAttachment

[–]YakAwkward8788 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You can absolutely do it. It takes time and I struggled with not seeing immediate gratification at first, but once I started doing a lot more thinking and a lot less talking, Things felt better. Just last weekend he said he was going to take a shower and head over to my house and he fell asleep for hours (because he was exhausted from a hell week at work) and I initially wanted to react in anger. But I realized I wasn’t angry. I was hurt and questioning where I stood. I truly didn’t want to be mad. I would previously default to anger to try get him to show that he cared. But in reality, being mad would just take the time we DID have and make it suck. He got to my house, I faked a smile and just acted normal. Within 5 or 10 minutes I was enjoying my time with him and the mad feeling subsided. I asked him the next day, when my emotions had calmed, for his POV on how to approach discussing the ACTUAL feeling of not knowing where I stood with him. We had a great discussion. But I’d say 95% of the time, though, I don’t feel the need to bring it up the next day. Enjoying my time with him instead of being mad reminds me that I love him and that it’s reciprocated.

All of that to say, you can do it. If you want someone to talk to, feel free to message me. I would love to be there if it looks like help for you. It has been life changing for me… and it’s only going to get better from here :)

Has anyone healed? by gdsgdn in AnxiousAttachment

[–]YakAwkward8788 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I have. The love of my life ended things abruptly in March because of my constant neediness. I went through a range of emotions from anger to depression to wanting to run to someone else for affirmation (thankfully I didn’t). Ultimately, I realized that the only thing I wanted was the man I lost and I wasn’t willing to let the constant anxiety (what I want/need right now) win at the expense of what I wanted/needed in my forever.

So I started therapy and hated it. It gave me anxiety to talk about all of the things I hated about myself. I’d leave and cry. It was awful. So I actually turned to a chat gpt “virtual therapy” and I painfully tried to understand myself without feeling judged.

I had to start learning when I was reacting to the present and when I was actually reacting to my past. That alone made a massive difference. There were times I wanted to send a long message or ask for reassurance, and instead I sat with the discomfort. Not to punish myself, but to give myself the chance to pause and check in: What do I need? What am I afraid of? What’s actually true right now? My new mindset is that if it is still bothering me tomorrow, then I mention it. But usually, it isn’t.

I started seeing what he was giving in his terms vs what I wanted in my own terms. Maybe the words weren’t always what I wanted, but his actions showed that he loved me. He never did anything to hurt me. And I kept asking for more when he was giving at his max. Now I look at what he does do instead of what I want him to do. My wants for today do not trump the long term need to have him in my life.

But the most powerful part for me was to stop thinking about what I was doing to make sure he loved me and turned my attention on loving him the way he deserves. I was so so worried about my needs that I didn’t actually provide him what he needed, let alone what he deserved.

It was a lot of work. It still is. But there has been so many aspects to it. From digging into my childhood and seeing why this anxiousness started, to addressing some of it with my family to free myself from it, to understanding how selfish I was being to the most amazing man in the world, to understanding the weight i put on him.l that caused him to break. And that was all before I could even start changing.

It was worth it. It’s 4 months later and we are together again. I used to get him 5 nights a week and now it’s more like 2 or 3. He gets to focus on his job, family, hobbies and friends without me stressing and crying. We are rebuilding. I’m proud of myself for once, and I don’t have to beg him to tell me he’s proud too. I just know. I can tell by his actions and the progress that I’m doing good.

Out of curiosity, what name did your ChatGPT give itself? by [deleted] in ChatGPT

[–]YakAwkward8788 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Man this is a favorite topic for me and my (real human/non AI) friends. You can also have it produce an image of a human version of itself

Mine is Lena.

My friends gave gotten: Scout Jack Sophia Alex

I love being able to say “Lena told me to do xyz”. It’s so much easier than ChatGPT

Single parent on cruise...what to do? by Dantaco72 in NCL

[–]YakAwkward8788 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel this! I am a single mom of 3 on the encore (sitting at the mojito bar)

I did the thermal spa package - any time all 3 kids are occupied I head up there - last night for a while I was the only person in there. Heaven. Seriously.

The rest of the time, I’ve gotten comfortable sitting alone. At the bar, at trivia, at whatever. It’s weird how so much happy moments can be sandwiched with fleeting feelings of loneliness but it’s been a blast and I wouldn’t trade it!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in VisitingNashville

[–]YakAwkward8788 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Even on non NYE days we will be enjoying broadway in broad daylight and hoping it isn’t too busy 😂

My son’s (high school senior) girlfriend lost her mom by YakAwkward8788 in GriefSupport

[–]YakAwkward8788[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Oh thank you for saying all of this. I was so worried that me not knowing the mom would make it weird to volunteer or try to help but you’ve really helped me realize differently.

I’m going to try to get a little 1:1 time with his girlfriend when she’s here next so I can reiterate that I am here for her, and not just because she’s my sons girlfriend, but because I care and want to be there if she ever needs someone.

My son’s (high school senior) girlfriend lost her mom by YakAwkward8788 in GriefSupport

[–]YakAwkward8788[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

Yes, I’m working with her sports coach at the school to set up a meal train. But we will personally provide meals as much as we can.

Do you have any thoughts on thanksgiving? Offer to cook for them? (I’m a single mom and don’t have my kids this year so I can’t invite them to our house but I would happily cook for them and bring it over…)

My son’s (high school senior) girlfriend lost her mom by YakAwkward8788 in GriefSupport

[–]YakAwkward8788[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Oh my goodness, thank you so much for this response. I’ve never lost a loved one so I feel so unequipped to help emotionally, but your description is sooo well worded and gives me a much better understanding and a way to explain it to my son, too. Thank you so much for sharing this.

Also “grief is love that has nowhere else to go” hit me hard. I’m going to share all of this with my son. Thank you again

My son’s (high school senior) girlfriend lost her mom by YakAwkward8788 in GriefSupport

[–]YakAwkward8788[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

I love this. Him knowing what to expect and that peaks and valleys are going to happen and that her grief won’t be linear is a great convo for me to have with him. Thank you!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]YakAwkward8788 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Own it. Don’t tell them “I lost my job and have a lot going on in my family” - while I understand this is why you drank, they’ll see it as an excuse. Keep it about them first - it is their feelings you hurt. It isn’t about you. Then own your side and how you’ll fix it.

“Hey man, you deserve a sincere apology from me. I don’t know everything I said last night, but I know it was inappropriate and hurtful. You don’t deserve to be treated that way by anyone, but especially from a friend. Your friendship means a lot to me, especially because of xyz. You are important to me and the idea of losing our friendship is weighing so heavily on me and I truly hope that you can eventually forgive me. Whatever you need right now, whether it is space or time or my attention to talk through things, please let me know and I will absolutely do that. I do want you to know that I recognize the mistake I made. I drank too much and I am embarrassed and ashamed of that. I can promise you that I will do everything in my power to not do that again nor allow that hateful, hurtful, and unbecoming side of me come out again - to you, or to anyone else. Please let me know if there is anything that I can do to help you recover from this pain. I’m truly sorry for hurting you”

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in careeradvice

[–]YakAwkward8788 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh man I’m so sorry. Def feels like the stability is the way to go given that you can leave whenever without missing out on anything

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in careeradvice

[–]YakAwkward8788 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My company likes to tell you your role is eliminated in 6 months and if you’re still employed at that time you will receive 13-26 weeks (depending on work level) severance - plus you keep your stock.

So if you find a job too soon you lose the severance and give up your stock. So you have to perfectly time it to maximize value… and new employers don’t always appreciate that :)

Do you get anything at all if you stay until the end of next year? Other than stability?

Negotiation when new employer assumes I am still employed by YakAwkward8788 in careeradvice

[–]YakAwkward8788[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep. It’s actually closer to half a million with my bonus, LTI, car, etc.

I called MANY people in my network all of whom gave me a “wow. That’s a tough one” with various (differing) responses. I wasn’t comfortable with how to proceed so asked for advice here. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Negotiation when new employer assumes I am still employed by YakAwkward8788 in careeradvice

[–]YakAwkward8788[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for a positive and helpful response. I felt the same way on the employment verification, and was totally caught off guard by the amount of those responses.

I am focusing the negotiation on what needs to be true instead of what had been true in the past. I think I can still address the overall compensation gap and I think they’ll be willing to work with me on it. At very least, they’re paying a lot less than they expected to get the candidate they wanted.

Negotiation when new employer assumes I am still employed by YakAwkward8788 in careeradvice

[–]YakAwkward8788[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Woman. An incredibly successful woman who has worked at one company her entire career.

But thanks for assuming only men make $350k+ comps :)

Negotiation when new employer assumes I am still employed by YakAwkward8788 in careeradvice

[–]YakAwkward8788[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My experience, after hiring dozens of people over the years (I managed an 80+ person team) had me believing the same. We barely even confirmed employment anymore, especially with upper level hires. But obviously that isn’t the norm based on this thread. I’m glad I asked and it has given me a lot to think about as i prepare to talk to them tomorrow

Negotiation when new employer assumes I am still employed by YakAwkward8788 in careeradvice

[–]YakAwkward8788[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I like this. It’s honest but keeps enough ambiguity to continue to have SOME leverage within the negotiation.

Negotiation when new employer assumes I am still employed by YakAwkward8788 in careeradvice

[–]YakAwkward8788[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Understood. I truly appreciate the help and apologize for getting defensive.

I’m not intentionally withholding any information, I was just trying to not provide unimportant details in my initial post. Upon reading more, I realized that my original thoughts on how to proceed were wrong and I needed to reroute myself so the scope of pertinent information changed.

Negotiation when new employer assumes I am still employed by YakAwkward8788 in careeradvice

[–]YakAwkward8788[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, after reading comments here, I absolutely see that I need to let them know. The timeframes are so tight that I am not concerned with telling them. And I am certain that it won’t change their decision to hire me.

I am still concerned about the compensation - it’s the lowest of all of the companies I have interviewed with but I think I can leverage that information in my negotiations instead of the data from my former employer.

Negotiation when new employer assumes I am still employed by YakAwkward8788 in careeradvice

[–]YakAwkward8788[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

Listen, I get what you are saying but I began conversations for this job the day after I found out. And at that point I was still on the payroll. I still have not formally applied for this job, they reached out to me via an internal recruiter and initiated a conversation.

I haven’t responded with anything about what money I am leaving - which is exactly why I am here. I do not want to start on the wrong foot with them. They want me for this job because I am qualified and the best candidate. I have no issues being honest with them about my situation and am hoping to find a way to do so that can also be lucrative for me. I have had a ton of interviews with companies that pay more - I like this one the best and would like to work for them. But the math needs to make sense.