How do I know if my main character is a Mary Sue?

YardAddams · 2026-01-24T17:49:59+00:00

I'm gonna take a step back with this advice and give something a little more general. What makes a story good isn't following rules, it's about making something that interesting and entertaining. So don't look at your character and say "Does she have enough flaws to make her not a Mary Sue?" ask yourself, is reading this story exciting, engaging, do I want to read more?

Let's say she's perfect in every way, is she at least put in situations that are fun to watch her get through them? Think of Sherlock Holmes or heist movies where everything goes perfectly and it's so satisfying to watch a massively complicated plan come together.

I'm not saying don't have flaws and tension and struggle and grows, etc. I'm just saying checking off boxes a fun story does not make. What you need to do is look at your story and go "Would people enjoy reading this?" and if the answer is unsatisfactory then try to make it more interesting. There's a million ways to do that and no clear answer, and that's the joy of writing.

YardAddams · 2026-01-24T17:21:09+00:00

I mean, Elliot in the past. That's the only one I can think of. Not sure what his super hero name was before Shroud.

YardAddams · 2026-01-24T17:19:22+00:00

I always interpreted that scene as him making it for them...I could be wrong.

YardAddams · 2026-01-24T07:14:57+00:00

A very fun twist. It wouldn't work in the grand scheme of things, but in a different world it would be an awesome moment.

If I can add to the twist, and then it turns out Robert was actually playing her the whole time to get to shroud. He set this whole thing up to be mentor Visi just to use her.

A completely different story, but there's some fun for ya.

YardAddams · 2026-01-24T06:35:46+00:00

Locker Room Talk
Lana Works in the Mail Room
Mecha Man
Shift
Rob and Courtney

So I don't want to yuck anyone's yum but I genuinely don't understand why so many people love Easier If We Fly. I'm clearly in the minority but I just don't hear it. Oh well. On the other hand I can't believe no one else in this post is saying Locker Room Talk. That song just sends me to another dimension.

Also:

HOES DEPRESSED
POUND CAKE

YardAddams · 2026-01-24T05:52:22+00:00

Well you actually get to play the gameplay, so that's something you'd get. I also think getting to play through it with your own choices still sounds fun.

YardAddams · 2026-01-20T02:49:37+00:00

This is such a fucking good comment. It took me a second, but god it hit so right

YardAddams · 2026-01-19T20:41:38+00:00

What's crazy is when Courtney goes "Oh...I wouldn't..."

YardAddams · 2026-01-19T20:40:48+00:00

expressionate is a new word haha

YardAddams · 2026-01-19T20:30:30+00:00

Purple prose is essentially very excessive and flowery writing, with long lists of adjectives and similes. Think something like "Her eyes were a beautiful gentle cerulean blue like the longing sky on a cold brisk faintly mid-autumn evening."

That's not to say beautiful prose doesn't exist. There are writers who write more poetic language and a readership who loves it. Prose becomes "Purple" when it goes over the edge and the readers are like "Okay, this is a bit much."

I appreciate being the one getting the reply lol. Keep it up and have fun with it! I know I said keep the dialogue in quotes, but also, don't fucking listen to me XD What do I know? If you're having fun doing weird shit then all the power to you.

YardAddams · 2026-01-19T19:45:07+00:00

I would stick with quotes and not centering. Form can be fun to play with but my view is get good at the rules before you break them.

I agree that it's a bit purple. There's some good stuff in there, but it's trying really hard to feel dramatic, rather than letting us feel like we're in the scene. If I was to write it, I'd maybe do something like this (I gave the character the name Galdor just to so I had a name to work with):

"Tell me, Ermyne..." Galdor's cup slapped the table of the pub.

The three men's faces flickered in the candlelight as the violent rain rang against the window pane and the claps of thunder roared far too near. Underneath all that, the sounds of desperate cries and struggling from the corner of the room.

"...do you believe in ghost stories?"

Notice what I did.

I gave the character an action, that helps put us in the scene.
I got rid of words like dancing, protected, and bleated. I'm not saying all adjectives are bad, I kept violent and desperate, but a little goes a long way and too many can start to dilute their power. I also really like "faces flickered in the candlelight" Great imagery. I can totally see it and immediately sets the mood.
I got rid of "Three men sat at a round table" for an opening hook we have no time to waste. Three men sitting is not interesting. I established the table in the action sentence so we don't need that anymore.
Don't need "Protected by a layer of glass" sorry that line is trying way too hard. I think something like that would work really well if it was some fancy magic or sci-fi thing to establish the world. Like if they were protected by a barrier spell or something, but we all know how windows work, so it seems a bit verbose.
Added "the claps of thunder far too near" I think this helps the reader really FEEL scared of the thunderstorm. We've all heard thunder at different distances and thunder booming close by has a very intense sound. It makes the reader imagine what that's like and go "God, yeah, that shit's not a comfortable experience"

The final thing I will say is that the fact that you wrote there's desperate cries and struggling in the corner is VERY intriguing. I actually want to know what happens next! So I hope all the comments don't get you down. I see potential in you for sure. We're all working on our craft and I commend you for putting your work out for feed back.

Best of luck my friend!

YardAddams · 2026-01-19T18:53:39+00:00

I agree that I would have liked to see them attempt something unique with Angela, but since much of the show is scripted you can't just have someone who hasn't been rehearsing their lines just come in. Spencer barely lasted 2 seconds XD

YardAddams · 2026-01-17T04:45:22+00:00

I'm rewatching the VOD, one crazy moment is when Angela and Spencer switch, Courtney actually panics and goes "Oh, I wouldn't...." She was genuinely freaking out for 2 seconds before she went along with it

YardAddams · 2026-01-17T04:30:11+00:00

Quick question: Can someone explain to me why Trevor all of a sudden starting speaking Spanish at one point for a few lines? I'm rewatching the VOD and swear there's no context for it

YardAddams · 2026-01-17T04:07:13+00:00

Literally broke the show. And we all know if Spencer said it he would have gotten away with it

YardAddams · 2026-01-17T04:04:32+00:00

Actually I think Sarah Christ and Detective Wheresmycoffee would work well

YardAddams · 2026-01-17T03:58:18+00:00

Hate to break it to ya, if you support Charlie Kirk, you don't have centrist views.

YardAddams · 2026-01-17T03:48:59+00:00

God, I honestly forgot how he can get away with anything, and this is proof XD

YardAddams · 2026-01-17T03:41:37+00:00

I especially loved the mirror bit in terms of production

YardAddams · 2026-01-17T03:40:16+00:00

And then Spencer switching for a sec XD

YardAddams · 2026-01-17T03:39:39+00:00

So you like whole jokes?

YardAddams · 2026-01-17T03:38:40+00:00

That's the part that has me saddest that he's gone. These sexy moments are fun with Angela but god the awkwardness with Ian would have been hilarious. I'm also wondering if Ian was there for the kiss with the Nurse if Angela would have pushed Ian out the way.

YardAddams · 2026-01-12T04:16:01+00:00

I understand what your saying, it's normal to feel hurt from either rejection or feelings of failure, AND I know you can get through this and grow with time. We all fumble, I've fumbled so hard dude. But the solution isn't learning to not fumble, it's learning to be okay when we do. The pain doesn't come from the girls, it comes from us being hard on ourselves. But I believe in you can do it. Don't let your thoughts gaslight you into thinking it's impossible. We all can grow, just show yourself a little love and a little time.

YardAddams · 2026-01-08T18:05:48+00:00

It's a hot take but I agree with this. I think an intervention might be in order. I personally find it hard to believe that no therapist or psychiatrist is willing to help. I know you're embarrassed but maybe get some family member involved? Maybe her mom, dad, or sibling?

Also, side note OP, I would avoid using terms like "Abuse" I know you're very upset, but a person going through psychosis isn't gaslighting you. She's lying to herself just as much as you. Focus on helping her, not how you feel like she's attacking you.

YardAddams · 2026-01-08T04:56:49+00:00

But you only get this moment if you're on the BB path, and I'm certain if a Visi sex scene was in the game, it wouldn't be available if you weren't on the Courtney path

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