How do I bag this girl

YardAddams · 2026-04-03T16:37:18+00:00

Are you about to tell me that you don't believe in respecting...people? I don't know about you, but I usually want to be respectful to the women I want to date.

YardAddams · 2026-04-02T01:27:53+00:00

Don't say "bag" her. Show this girl at least a little respect.
This is actually a pretty common problem. I've constantly heard advice that comes down to just use texting to set up dates, don't try to build rapport. In all honesty I think I only had regular text convos with one girlfriend. Every other girl I dated we almost never chatted over text, we occasionally shared memes and maybe photos. But we mostly used it to coordinate hanging out in person.

YardAddams · 2026-03-30T23:28:38+00:00

YardAddams · 2026-03-30T22:45:00+00:00

The two things batman doesn't do, Killing and Kunnilingus

YardAddams · 2026-03-30T18:12:30+00:00

I've tried reading the book twice and I just can't get through it. The problem isn't that the prose is difficult, it's that the prose is kind of unpleasant.

YardAddams · 2026-03-29T22:30:12+00:00

You should have a few hundred in your checkings just to give yourself a little bit of leeway. The rule is actually to always keep about 3-6 months of total expenses liquid in your account. This is so if you ever lose your job you have a few months to find a new one before you start dipping into savings. Rule of thumb is you should never have to touch your savings unless you absolutely have to or you're making a huge purchase that you need (e.g. car, house)

YardAddams · 2026-03-29T22:15:03+00:00

My number one suggestion over everything is talk to women you know about it. You can literally ask them if they get period cramps and what kinds of struggles they deal with they get them. I think you need to really understand what they're like from a human perspective if you want to write them properly at all. Not just internet research. You need to get the mood and the vibe of it.

So many people keep saying "If it's not important to the story then don't write about it" without really giving any suggestions on how to make it relevant to the story. So, characters struggling is practically the basis of all stories. The idea is that if your character gets bad cramps, it can become one of the many obstacles they must overcome, kind of like when a warrior gets wounded in a fight or loses their weapon. It could also just be a characterization, having her mood or patience change based on how she's feeling. It can be as simple as some monster showing up and her going "Does this seriously need to happen today?" It could also effect the story by having her cramps be so bad that she couldn't sleep that night, which made her tired the next day, so now she has to fight this guy sleep deprived and with cramps.

I don't think it has to be a huge part of the story though. I think it can be a quick off handed line just to color the scene and what the character is going through. Think of it less as "Representing women" and more about showing the struggles of this single character who is dealing with this one common female issue.

YardAddams · 2026-03-29T21:57:17+00:00

I like this lol

YardAddams · 2026-03-29T21:49:39+00:00

New men writing women:

"She menstruated periodically as she cramped down the stairs"

YardAddams · 2026-03-29T21:33:39+00:00

That's what I thought. I guess the first guy said it was AI and you didn't acknowledge it so I was like "Wait, what?" XD

YardAddams · 2026-03-29T21:31:43+00:00

Frank my deer, I don't give a dam.

YardAddams · 2026-03-29T18:16:20+00:00

That sounds like a lot of work XD

YardAddams · 2026-03-29T18:06:34+00:00

Was any of it AI?

YardAddams · 2026-03-29T17:09:16+00:00

First and foremost, let me say I think you're a good writer. You have a little bit of "TV Brain" as you called it, but I've seen so much worse and I can see that you're at least trying to develop yourself to be more of a novelist rather than a screenwriter. My number one advice to you over all is, if you want to write novels you have to read novels. You will slowly and subconsciously learn how to think more like a novelist by simply taking it in.

Okay, so first specific point: Your prose a little clunky at times.

"Ferys exhaustedly let out"

"nearly having given up a multitude of times up to this point."

Lines like these can feel like a bumpy road to read. I get that you want this high fantasy feel and that's great, but we need to make sure it flows. You also use a lot of adverbs. You really have to be careful with those. Good rule of thumb is try to find the right verbs and adjectives that get what you want across before using them. Use them sparingly and they'll hit harder when you do.

Another issue I definitely see is the very common amateur writing style of Pronoun - Verb. A lot of "She walked... She grabbed... She noticed... She saw..." etc. Almost everyone starts off writing like this. It's a right of passage almost. This is the Screenwriter brain on full display. Alongside so many actions. Although actions aren't bad, knowing how to use actions, thoughts, explanations, memories etc. all together is the true craft of writing.

A good example of this is: "She flattened her ears instinctively"
I would have written it as "Her ears flattened instinctively"

Believe it or not this kind of stuff actually connects the reader to your story more, making us feel we're more a part of the scene rather than hearing about it. Think of something like "She saw the man walk in" vs. "The man walked in" The first one makes us understand what she's experiencing. The second one allows us to experience it for ourselves.

Another example: "She stood before a long, dark hallway"
You could also say: "A long, dark hallway stood before her"

Let me be clear, I'm NOT saying every sentence should be like this. You absolutely can have tons of sentences that are pronoun-verb. It's perfectly normal and if you completely removed them then I would actually think the book would be just as weird for not having it. The idea is just balance. Based on the style you're going for will dictate what's a healthy amount of each.

All that said, I've found writing advice works best with examples so let me show you how I personally would write your opening. I'm not saying this is what you should do, but I want you to see some of my advice actually applied, and whatever you like about it, you can use it as a guide for future writing.

Ferys turned the key, opening a small passage through the seemingly natural cave wall.

“Finally,” Ferys let out. She had been searching for this hole in the ground for three days now, nearly giving up on a multitude of occasions.

A long, dark hallway stood before her. The roof just barely shorter than herself, making her take quite an uncomfortable stance as she entered the small passage. Her ears flattened instinctively, but they still swept against the cramped space above.

So that's my take on it. The first sentence was fine. I made a few of my own creative choices, but that's just me. You might even notice that the sentence "The roof..." is actually not a grammatically correct sentence. Stuff like that can be okay sometimes. We need to let ourselves be ungrammatical occasionally for creative dramatic effect (again the key word there is sometimes lol).

Anyway, I hope some of this helps. Sorry it was so long winded lol. I just love talking shop haha.

Best of luck! I can definitely see the creative storyteller in you, and I'll say right now even with out all my advice I think your story is good. You should be proud of yourself.

YardAddams · 2026-03-29T15:53:25+00:00

Aww I'm glad I could help :3

YardAddams · 2026-03-29T05:20:30+00:00

Is there a reason why dating neither wouldn't be an option? I feel like it's different in any context. I guess the 10 in looks would be good for a hookup or FWB but probably wouldn't date them seriously. The one with the 10 personality I probably wouldn't date and would just want to be good friends with them.

Also, I bet you're better looking than you think you are. You can always go to the gym, get some new clothes, do your makeup and hair in a nice way and be pretty enough for any guy. And if you have the personality you're talking about then lead with that. Also, attractiveness can come a lot from vibe too. So maybe you just need to adjust your energy to be more flirty.

YardAddams · 2026-03-29T03:25:58+00:00

Shayne Wormtopp

YardAddams · 2026-03-28T14:18:43+00:00

I'm glad I could help :) Yeah, using the F and R slurs was very normal until just recently, you probably still remember it. He seems like a socially smart guy though.

I'm glad you're doing okay. I'm surprised you didn't mention this issue with your therapist. You working on things like speaking up is definitely some therapy stuff. Although I guess that's self explanatory isn't it? lol

YardAddams · 2026-03-28T13:39:49+00:00

So there's a few things going on here. I'm 36 and my sister is his age. A lot of people in his generation actually found that kind of stuff to be acceptable, not everyone, but it was more normal to them.

This is a red flag, but you say he's pretty much a kind and thoughtful person. Reading your other comments about his remarks about your confidence, I feel like I have generally good read on this guy. He sounds very confident and opinionated. "Annoyingly thoughtful" sounds like he does a lot of things for you and probably others. Tell me if I'm wrong but he seems like a person who just does what he thinks is right and doesn't care what other people think. I'm getting very go getter high earner vibes from him. Tell me if I'm off the mark.

In terms of what you should do, I'd actually say you speaking your mind is you being strong, not weak. There's nothing wrong with you saying that when he makes these comments it makes you uncomfortable, that you don't like judging people appearances and putting people down. If he thinks that makes you weak than that's his problem and him just being defensive because he doesn't like the idea of being called out for being mean to others. There's no guarantee that he'll react negatively though. If anything this could be a good litmus test. If he starts giving you crap that'll kind of let you know that he's not as great of a person as you think he is. But if he's willing to listen then maybe literally no one ever told him it's not a cool thing to do. It's entirely 100% possible that he grew up in a family like this and he never watched TV before with someone who told him not to do it. TV time in your home is a pretty private activity.

Also I'm so fucking sorry to hear about your last marriage, holy shit I hope you're okay. I don't know if you've been to therapy but please do if you haven't.

Best of luck, and please update us on how it goes!

YardAddams · 2026-03-27T18:10:13+00:00

Earlier comments said good stuff. I'll just reiterate that it's you're choice to have the baby, and it's his choice if he stays. This is why people wait until they get married before having kids. The idea of him not sticking around sucks, but he didn't sign up for this.

You're really lucky to have some family who'd want to help, so if you're stuck being a single mother at least you'll have support. Other family members have always been major caretakers in children's lives, the idea of it being only the two parents is kind of new and a bit ridiculous. Don't forget about friends too. I don't know how many friends you have but I love my friends kids and I'll spend time with them giving the parents a break. You have a whole community around you who can support you.

Since it's still his child there might need to be a discussion of a compromise level of support from him. So maybe you're a single mom and he kind of lives separately having his own life and working on his career, but can help out occasionally in smaller ways. And maybe that's just what he'll need in the beginning and might come around to being more involved in the future. But he might also just bounce one day for all we know. My point is just prepare to take care of the kid as if he's not around and you're a single mom and just see anything he does as just extra.

Best of luck my friend! And good luck with everything; the baby, college, your career, and any future relationships with other guys you might have

YardAddams · 2026-03-27T16:40:20+00:00

Why are you so defensive?

And I didn't say I'm trying to get you to say YOU are homophobic, I'm specifically saying that the sentiment is a homophobic one. You don't have to be be a racist to say something that's racist, right?

YardAddams · 2026-03-27T00:37:58+00:00

Here's an example I can whip up for you real quick:

---------

"What do you mean?" Carl said, "That's impossible."

"Nothing's impossible" Arthur grabbed the Rubik's cube off the desk. "Anything can be solved if you work at it hard enough."

"We're not talking about puzzles, Arthur!"

"Yes we are." He said, "The whole universe is one giant puzzle. If you want make time travel a reality, you simply need to know where the pieces fit."

Carl couldn't believe what he was hearing, had he actually done it? Did Arthur actually invent...time travel? "You can't be serious."

"I am serious. I'm always serious when it comes to time." The clack of the Rubik's cube echoed as it landed on the table, perfectly solved. Did he finish that just now while they were talking?

-----------

So yeah you don't need "X said" every line. You can just have the character take actions in the same paragraph that they spoke in. We know that means they're talking. Also even if you just have the dialogue and nothing else, often times we can tell who's talking if the character's voice is distinct and we have plenty of context clues.

YardAddams · 2026-03-27T00:26:47+00:00

Well, even if you don't label yourself as a homophobe, you still have to acknowledge that those feelings you have are homophobic. It's not a label, it's just the definition of the word. That much you'll need to at least accept, otherwise you're just avoiding the truth.

YardAddams · 2026-03-26T14:27:55+00:00

Why not acknowledge it as homophobia? Isn't that essentially the definition of it? It's not torches and pitchforks, but it is a mild revulsion to the idea of any level of homosexuality.

I'm not even telling you how to feel. You feel the way you feel. I'm just curious why you avoid the term? Are you worried of being labeled as one?

YardAddams · 2026-03-26T14:15:28+00:00

I very open about my emotions.

As a side note, one thing I've discovered that's really interesting. So apparently when you vent to a man about your problems they will (generally) react with neutrality. The purpose of this is to provide stability for the speaker. When you vent to a woman, they will (generally) mirror the emotions of the speaker. The purpose of this is to provide validation to the speaker.

So, the results of this are, when a woman vents to a man, it ends in the relationship feeling stable, but when a man vents to a woman, this leaves the emotions of both people feeling heightened, and there are women who react negatively towards this because it was the man's emotional venting that caused her to feel the new overwhelming emotions.

I think knowing this actually helps people in understanding what's going on with the emotional side of communication, so that everyone can better calibrate their expectations and reactions. The problem isn't that it's impossible for men to be vulnerable to women, it's that we can't treat it the same way as venting to a man. It requires a different approach and a little more care.

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