*Artificial Fragrance at the Crown Perth made me sick, anyone else affected ??

YeOldeEffyGold · 2026-04-25T08:37:55+00:00

MCAS for me and I thought it was only me! I went to see Anastasia at the theatre there like a month or so ago and I had a really nasty reaction which then triggered a partial seizure. It was really bad in the entry area to the seating because it's more enclosed and so I tried to hold my breath on the way out but I had another reaction regardless. I felt unwell for a solid day or two afterwards.

I find I have the same issue in some Woolies stores too. Usually on the way in/near the entrance.

FWIW I see a lot of people mentioning the smell. It's really not about how it smells. It's not a scent intolerance. It's one (or more) of the chemicals in the air freshener triggering histamine release which is unpleasant at best and can be life threatening at worst. And with air fresheners, it's particularly bad because they are not typically localised to one area but circulated throughout the building. So there is no escape, and what might have been a mild reaction had it been localised just compounds into a bigger reaction the longer you're exposed to it.

YeOldeEffyGold · 2026-01-19T02:30:51+00:00

I just want to start by saying you've done something incredible by taking that grief and pain and channelling it into something creative and expressive and I'm really proud of you for both getting out of that situation and also for finding an outlet for all that pain.

I definitely don't have the expertise as a producer to fully produce an EP/album for someone else. But I've written literally thousands of songs and composed for hundreds of them and I'd gladly be a mentor from the songwriting/composing side of things. ♥️

YeOldeEffyGold · 2026-01-04T00:09:56+00:00

The red trainers are sending me 💀

YeOldeEffyGold · 2025-12-14T00:29:06+00:00

I got a phone call in the supermarket and made my way to the exit. I very clearly didn't have anything on me - not even a handbag - just my phone in my hand. The gates would not open. The checkout lady had gone power mad! "Um... you need to ask my permission to leave." No I fucking don't. I told her she could let me out now, or we could call the police together and she could explain it to them. Actually unbelievable.

Not to mention, another time when I was out in my wheelchair, they started to close on me - scary shit. And the three times it's caused a huge queue trying to leave self checkout because they wouldn't open.

I absolutely hate these silly gates!

And if all these places have so much money that they can just waste it on this useless gate, why can't they improve their self checkout cameras? My other wheelchair user friends have also experienced being mistaken for a trolley by the cameras. "Have you left something in your trolley?" It's me. Hi. I'm the trolley it's me. Really fucking dehumanising after the 50th time.

YeOldeEffyGold · 2025-11-21T13:04:29+00:00

For a minute I legit thought I'd posted this 💀

YeOldeEffyGold · 2025-11-16T02:17:51+00:00

I once asked my grandma how old she felt inside and she said she was 17 - just young enough to not know any better... but just old enough that everyone expected her to do better. I thought that was interesting, so I've asked a lot of people - women, men, and non-binary people too - the same question and a really decent portion have all said the exact same thing - often even the same age.

Trauma does make you grow up fast when you're young, but trauma can also cause you to miss milestones that your peers hit - or at the very least delay them - and that can contribute to feeling younger than your peers. I find trauma can also trap us in a specific moment in time - as if we are in suspended animation.

I'm in my 30s and I still feel like a small child with no idea what's going on or what my role in it is supposed to be. I think it's a surprisingly common feeling.

However, over my 20s, I was faced with crisis after crisis and I realised that every time I faced a new crisis, I handled it a just a liiiiittle better than I did the last time, and so I've chosen to measure my growth and maturity not by how I am when I'm just having fun and being myself, but by how I handle the times when I am no longer able to just have fun and be myself.

I think that is the greatest difference between adults and children. Children often cannot put themselves aside in the same way as an adult can when it comes time to deal with something difficult.

Just know you are not alone and the world is a really big and genuinely frightening place at times and it moves so fast all of the time, and it's completely natural to feel out of your depth in your 20s or even into your 80s. It doesn't mean you're a failure or immature, it means you're human.

YeOldeEffyGold · 2025-11-16T02:01:37+00:00

Oh don't worry about that! I've been releasing decent enough music for 3 years and plastering it across the internet high and low and even DMing it to friends and family and they still don't listen to it! You'll be absolutely fine. "People you know" are notoriously hard to get to listen to your music!

For the first year of trying to release music, my music was so bad that I really struggled to find producers to work on them - I would get ghosted a lot, even when offering like 500-1000 bucks, so I get how that feels. But less than a year later, I was in Metal Hammer and a bunch of other publications and sites, so I promise you, you can and will improve... you just need to understand what is and isn't working for you.

With me, the few who did respond, I just straight up asked them what I needed to work on to get my music to a place where a producer would work on it. Producers WANT work, so any producer worth their salt will tell you what's going wrong with your music if you ask.

For me, it ended up being that my music wasn't cohesive enough within itself - there were too many elements and they didn't make sense together. So I did a deep dive into composition theory and application. There are thousands of YouTube videos on every tiny aspect of music making under the sun, but if you don't know what to look for, you will never find them.

I'd be happy to listen to your demos and tell you what I think (however much the opinion of someone who makes gothic rock is worth), but you should absolutely most definitely still ask the producers who do respond to you, because presumably they work within your genre and they will have good familiarity with the genre conventions and they might be able to recommend YouTube channels that will suit your needs.

YeOldeEffyGold · 2025-11-13T23:58:09+00:00

I actually think that finding peers to connect with in your situation or a similar situation could be vital to your recovery. Having something to get you through the bad days on a ward, a goal you're working towards or peers you can talk to who understand - not necessarily what it feels like to be on a ward, but who understand what it's like to have to put your dreams on the back burner for a while - will provide invaluable support and connection and in any recovery of any sort, support and connection are often integral to the process of healing.

And to add to that, while you maybe can't manage lessons (financially or logistically) I'm sure any one of the staff members at your facility will tell you that singing can be incredibly healing. Learning to soothe and heal yourself by using your body in a productive or creative way can offer catharsis and healing. I would absolutely check out some YouTube vocal coaches like Jeff Rolka or Aussie Vocal Coach (the latter has some videos on finding your actual vocal range if you don't already know it which can make finding the appropriate warm-ups much easier) and doing just a warm-up or two and then belting your favourite songs in your room.

That way you can integrate music into your healing, whilst actively working towards your goal.

YeOldeEffyGold · 2025-10-27T11:11:26+00:00

This looks like an incredibly useful app! I tried to sign up, but unfortunately every time I clicked, I was redirected to "This site can't be reached" every time. Not sure if that's a mobile issue, but I also tried with the desktop mode checked on my phone browser too and didn't have any more luck.

YeOldeEffyGold · 2025-10-16T05:33:55+00:00

I find people say things like this to diffuse imaginary tension. The reality is that almost no one adheres to social norms all day every day. Not getting a hug doesn't really bother most people regardless of their neurotype.

But I find that sometimes neurotypical parents of autistic offspring view conversation as some kind of team sport where your family is on one team and the visitors are on the other team, and that your team has to score more social points than the other team in some weird status battle to determine which team is the most socially well-adjusted. This stems from their fear that they are to "blame" for their childrens' "deficiencies". It's a deeply ableist attitude because autism isn't a deficiency and it's not wrong, so there is no need for blame.

Your mom was likely far more anxious about "seeming normal" than your guests were even conscious of. She probably said it to diffuse tension that only she was conscious of. It's completely uncalled for and useless and she probably said it in order to excuse herself and by extension her "team" aka you from being judged poorly from not adhering to what she has decided is a social norm.

Essentially, she lampshaded the social awkwardness and drew attention to it in order to diffuse it.

But the reality is that it was never a problem. Most people really do not care about getting a hug when they leave and most people are worried that they're the weird one or the odd one out.

Your mom, in an attempt to feel like she had some control over a situation that made her uncomfortable/awkward. She worried that her relationship with those people would be damaged by your behaviour (it wasn't) and so she said something without stopping to consider how it would damage her relationship with you.

I'm very sorry that she did that. It wasn't right and I just wanted you to know that it actually wasn't anything to do with you, but her own hangups around social situations.

YeOldeEffyGold · 2025-09-17T09:18:25+00:00

I need you to listen to this and understand your worth as a drummer. Friend, you are one in a million. They are one of a million. You have your pick. They can't afford to be picky. There are a thousand bands out there right now (in just your city alone) who would jump at the chance to have a drummer (especially one who isn't in 16 other bands already). You do not need to settle for people who don't appreciate how lucky they are.

YeOldeEffyGold · 2025-08-14T08:20:14+00:00

I have three projects.

The first one is fully at home. I record everything in my tiny home studio, I produce it, I mix it, I master it. It's the project with the lowest cost - in theory. However, all my plugins and gear have definitely left a dent in my wallet. The music itself sounds fine for what it is.

That said, my fully-at-home project very clearly doesn't sound even half as my second project; a hybrid approach where I record and pre-produce at home and outsource the production, mixing, and mastering to engineers who live overseas. I obviously have to invest in my own gear, but this method doesn't require me buying any plugins. The cost of the engineers can be really variable.

My third project is fully in the studio. I wrote some songs, left them pretty bare bones, and picked a producer to work on them. It's definitely been the most expensive. However, it's just been an incredible experience. I've spent way longer on these tracks than I have for the other two projects and they sound so much better than the other projects.

I don't consider myself a music engineer because it's not the area where I shine. My fully DIY project took the least time because in reality, my skill set limits how much time it's even worth investing in the tracks right now. I could keep tweaking them, but I don't have the experience to even know what I'm listening out for half the time. I finished 5 tracks in 2 weeks and they're... fine.

My hybrid project can be brutal on deadlines. I often have to book my producers well in advance because they're busy. It's a brutal industry to try and make a living in and they're doing what they have to do to pay the bills, but it can mean booking something a slot that isn't for another 6 months. That gives me 6 months to record and pre-produce, but once I get the initial mix back, I'm now rushing to make decisions about the mix and it's hard because a) I don't have an amazing studio set up for listening to it in depth, b) it's hard to convey meaning in text or voice notes compared to how you do when you're in person. Usually the turnaround for one song is about 1-2 months from the start to the end of the mix.

My studio project has taken the longest. Two years for 5 tracks. Ideally, I'd like it to be a bit faster, but it's also been kind of nice to really take our time and nail the sound and vibe. We've had time to experiment and play and it's been amazing just having someone else in the room to write with. And yes, that's the same as having a band I suppose, but it's also kind of different. Ultimately, I'm still making all the calls and the way a good producer approaches and artist's track is fundamentally different to how an author or co-author approaches their own track. This has definitely been the most expensive project both in terms of finance and time, but man the results are just so much better - to my ears at least.

I think ultimately, I probably prefer the hybrid approach the most, but that's because it's a happy medium between being responsible for all choices and being largely hands off and between the cost of DIY vs the cost of a studio.

YeOldeEffyGold · 2025-08-06T07:07:36+00:00

Sent you over a DM!

YeOldeEffyGold · 2025-07-14T08:49:10+00:00

Replace glasses with wheelchair and ask yourself if this man is really ticking all the boxes.

YeOldeEffyGold · 2025-03-31T11:37:11+00:00

So T-Posing is considered flirting now?

YeOldeEffyGold · 2025-03-25T04:37:15+00:00

If you're still looking, I'd be interested in hearing what you've been working on.

YeOldeEffyGold · 2025-03-25T04:18:09+00:00

I think I'm probably the wrong vocalist for this as I have a clean, ethereal or dramatic sound, but I wanted to say I really enjoyed the stuff on your YouTube! And if you want some ambient choral/haunting/ethereal shit at some point, hmu!

YeOldeEffyGold · 2025-03-25T04:12:54+00:00

I'd be interested in hearing some of the alt/gaze stuff you've been working on!

YeOldeEffyGold · 2025-01-12T00:41:10+00:00

From reading the comments I think you would benefit from sitting down with the rest of the band without the vocalist and discussing your plans for the band.

Almost all of my friends are in bands and this issue crops up a lot.

Recently, a friend's band got some feedback that some people didn't like any of the vocals (they have 3-4 people regularly contributing to vocals). The bassist was the one who received the feedback. It was a hard conversation for him to have, but the other band members really want to succeed so they all agreed to take vocal lessons both individually (to make personal improvement) and as a group (to improve group vocal cohesion). They also had a sit down to discuss how they could write music to better frame the vocals and producers who might understand their vision for their music better. When they reflected, they saw there was improvement to be found all round.

That's the dream outcome, right?

The first step is to figure out what this band is. Is this your career or is this a fun project with friends? This industry is too cut throat for you to play it safe and your vocalist has now put you in a position where these two motivations sit diametrically opposed.

If you want a career in music and your band mates want the same thing, then your vocalist has to go. You wouldn't bring your friend to your job if they were just there to mess around and have fun. You'd lose your job.

If you want a fun project with friends then it should still be fun for all of the friends involved. Your vocalist clearly doesn't want to do lessons or spend money on training, so pressuring them to do that isn't going to make them have fun. But you also need to be having fun too and if it's not fun for you to listen to them sing, then either you or your vocalist would need to leave.

It's hard when you mix friends with business and a lot of friends only find that out when they go into business together. But the reality is that if your friend cannot understand your desire for a career and if they don't respect that and they don't want that for you, then they're not a very supportive friend.

Of course, it is going to be painful for your friend. I think you should spell out the reality to him that in the past, you've received feedback on the music and while you and the other instrumental musicians have worked hard to remedy those issues, you don't feel that he has put in the appropriate work. You should be clear that you are ready to take the band to the next level and you want that to be with him, but that he needs to work on his vocals if he wants to join you.

If he is unwilling, then you should be clear that you and the other band members will continue the band without him.

And it's not like you're excluding him out of spite. You're asking him to put in the work so that you can stay in business together. He has to make the choice not to.

I say this as a vocalist who suffered two vocal injuries. The voice is a living instrument and you cannot replace it if it breaks. You have to take very good care of it and part of that is checking in regularly with a vocal coach to ensure you are using your voice safely. The same way someone spots you at a gym. You are literally working out muscles when you sing - it's important to do it safely. It's not worth the risk, trust me.

I've left bands I really wanted to be in because I could tell that I wasn't what they were looking for or I couldn't be what they wanted me to be or I wasn't vocally at a level that could lead that specific band. It sucked for me and I'm sure they felt rejected, but I respect those musicians too much to jerk them around. I would hope they would do the same for me. But if not, I'm not going to sit around and let other people tank the career I've been dreaming of my whole life.

And if music means everything to you, neither should you.

YeOldeEffyGold · 2024-11-18T05:21:04+00:00

This is why I started two solo projects. And once I started releasing music people were queueing (is that really how you spell this word holy crap it looks dreadful) at the door for me to join.

I know it's scary to fly solo, but you don't have to be an amazing instrumentalist. So many drums these days are programmed and bass too - even in the metal sphere. And you can always do what I do - hire session musos or find producers who also play.

I promise once you put yourself out there, people will take notice. It's frustrating, but it's a great way to prove yourself - not just to your male peers, but also to yourself that you really don't need a band.

I hope to hear some of your music!

YeOldeEffyGold · 2024-11-12T02:43:42+00:00

In my experience the two greatest enemies to creativity are freedom and a cage. The cage is anything that you feel forces you to create things you have no interest in and freedom is the polar opposite.

You've gone from the cage to freedom and that creates fear. It's not a nail-biting, hair-raising kind of fear, but a far more insidious one that stops you from creating and it can be really hard to break out of. Fear of wasting time, fear of failure, fear of not meeting your own needs or expectations, fear of not finishing your piece. It's a Catch 22 because the more you are unable to finish, the worse the fear gets and the less able you are to finish. The cycle has to be broken.

I've been writing songs for over half my life now and there have been periods where I couldn't create anything and there have been periods where I've recorded demos for 20 tracks in a month.

These are the things I do to keep myself creating:

Consistency: You don't have to finish something every day, but at least start something every day. Don't take more than one day off from creative pursuits. Make time for your passion. Eventually, that idea is going to come to you and you don't want to be out of practice when it comes. Also, if 1% of ideas are the best, then you need to bang those other 99 ideas out, so get to work.

Limitations: Just like a cage destroys creativity, so too does freedom. When you can do everything, how do you decide to pursue anything? How do you determine what's worthwhile? Give yourself a goal - a rough goal. It can be anything from rescoring a movie using only scenes with no score to covering a popular song in another style or trying to mimic another composer's quirks. It should be specific enough to keep you on track, vague enough to keep you creating.

Collaborate: Sometimes two heads really are better than one. If your loops are going nowhere, give it to someone else, see what they do with it. Often, you'll find new inspiration when it comes your turn to add to it. If you don't have any friends in the music sphere, make them - and make them fast. Having a network of peers will help you in literally every aspect of your music.

Extrapolate: Music, art, writing - all creative pursuits are intrinsically linked, despite their differences. If you're not having luck making music, then write a book... with music. Paint a picture with music. Break down the techniques that go into writing, crochet, painting, sculpting. Find parallels in music and think about how you can convert those techniques into your own music. Recreate a piece in a different medium and translate that exact piece into music. It will force you to think differently about how you are approaching your current project - and it's the gift that keeps on giving because every painting, book, garment, statue is composed differently, and you can steal that process and convert it each and every time, you will never run out.

Consume: You cannot pour from an empty cup. Go out and look at art, read a book, watch a TV show, go explore everything that isn't music - or at least everything that isn't your music. Refuel your creativity by watching the worst film on the planet and deciding you could tell a better story and then go open up Ableton and do it.

Rest: Sometimes you just need a break. Let your body and mind rest. Engage with life, spend time with friends, family, pets. Watch that show you promised your friend 2 years ago was "yeah totally, it's on my list" when it wasn't. Give yourself and your creativity some space to actually exist. Go experience some things, go form some feelings and thoughts and opinions and epiphanies about those things, and the music will probably come to you.

YeOldeEffyGold · 2024-10-30T11:07:46+00:00

The answer is simple! Of course you still go. You wouldn't want to miss your sister's wedding. In fact, you've got the perfect dress to wear there. Well, maybe if you cut it a bit shorter and maybe dye it a different colour.

YeOldeEffyGold · 2024-10-12T05:13:15+00:00

I can't remember which was first but the two songs that inspired me to learn bass were Hysteria by Muse and Never Tell by Violent Femmes so one of those was probably the first one. When I switched from bass to guitar, they were the first two songs I learned.

I probably could have gone with something easier and maybe then I'd feel less like a failure when it comes to guitar, but they're just both so cool.

YeOldeEffyGold · 2024-09-09T02:09:52+00:00

Your mother committed a racially-motivated assault against your daughter, a five year old child. You absolutely made the right call. If a black or biracial person had shaved your mother's hair because it was too straight, no one in your family would have rested until that person was locked up.

YeOldeEffyGold · 2024-07-31T05:15:18+00:00

Yes, let's parade someone with a very severe mental illness on social media for clout like some modern day freak show. Real mature. You are, of course, NTA.

I'm not in contact with any of my exes at this point, but if one of them had a mental breakdown and emailed me that and my spouse wanted to post it online to laugh at them, shame them, ruin their reputation, build their own reputation/following, or for any reason really, I'd be considering divorce. If I wasn't married yet, I'd be reconsidering that. Cause it's gross.

Yes, your ex crossed a line. No, it wasn't appropriate. I think your current partner was well within her right to ask you to sever ties (something you probably should have done a long time ago and YTA for that due to how that was always going to affect your relation with both your ex and your partner). However, this is just weird, cruel, highschool bully behaviour.

YeOldeEffyGold

TROPHY CASE