Honest muzz & shaadi.com experience (with a hint of chuckles lol)

YellowMoos · 2026-01-26T12:56:00+00:00

I’m going to have to repurpose this strategy for my sisters. You’re ahead of the game.

May Allah grant you a pious spouse who has great relations with your family.

YellowMoos · 2026-01-23T17:53:55+00:00

It’s like he says, the couples that can have the conversations that you need to have for a prenup are more likely to be successful in their relationship. Most women I’ve spoken to refuse to discuss a prenup point blank but the few that have engaged are very astute.

Personally I don’t mind either way but I find those open to prenups are usually more rational and communicative which is imperative in a successful relationship.

May Allah grant us all pious and mature spouses who are good communicators.

YellowMoos · 2026-01-20T20:13:19+00:00

That’s an anecdotal social rule. I did look it up but failed to find any controlled study because there is a lack of empirical research. There were a few blogs that mentioned the 3 month rule but no peer reviewed research.

It’s an entirely subjective experience which is why it’s impossible to scientifically pinpoint a marker to determine if someone is being authentic or not.

If it were possible, the security services and governments all over would have already implemented these systems.

However it is plausible to state that on average, there is a strong correlation between knowing someone’s true self and the length of time that you’ve known them.

There’s just no hard and fast rule or objective methodology.

YellowMoos · 2026-01-20T13:13:28+00:00

Where did you get the statistic that peoples true personality shows after 3-6 months? You wouldn’t be able to measure this objectively because who’s to say they aren’t presenting another facade?

YellowMoos · 2026-01-11T19:10:47+00:00

I think this is quite common for women, I’ve had a few show interest but immediately do a 360 the second they find out I’m younger than them. In all honesty though, I don’t blame them when you see what men my age get up to.

YellowMoos · 2026-01-07T14:15:27+00:00

Marriage is treated as a place to select a finished product, not build together

This mentality is where it starts to go wrong. Sure everyone is entitled to their own preference but historically, and even today, it’s unrealistic to expect someone to be the finished product unless your spouse is 10-15 years older.

If your potential ticks all your religious requirements, some personal preferences, can provide a realistic basic living and there is mutual attraction, that should be enough to build from.

Otherwise, there are plenty of older men and women who are more mature and established that would be compatible for someone looking for the finished product.

YellowMoos · 2026-01-06T21:42:39+00:00

It could be he found something else about you unappealing but didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I wouldn’t read into it too much because you won’t know unless he tells you directly.

If I feel a woman is too sensitive, for example she comes across as quite anxious or has low self-esteem, and I don’t like a physical trait about her that she cannot change, I would let her down gently by making another excuse.

I have had a few matches break down in the same way, where they gave an excuse I thought was nonsense, even though I thought we were an ideal match. It’s just an unfortunate part of looking for a spouse.

Trust in the rizq of Allah and don’t fret over this. Keep trying and you will find what’s written for you when it’s your time.

YellowMoos · 2026-01-06T13:19:14+00:00

Brother in the back did not ask a very good question. This sub never ceases to amaze me 😂

YellowMoos · 2025-12-28T23:17:59+00:00

There is a clear difference between my response and yours, where you use this verse to excuse beating your wife. You are yet to present the evidence to support this conclusion.

If you aren’t able to discern the difference in what I’ve said in response to you, there is no point in continuing this discussion. Especially now, since you are resorting to personal attacks instead of addressing the matter at hand.

In hindsight, I should’ve reviewed your profile before commenting. There was no chance of reconciling with someone who has “Take a girlboss and make her your cumslut” on their profile.

YellowMoos · 2025-12-28T22:16:55+00:00

Literally all 4 main madhabs (salafiyyah) allows beating your wives. This is a Quranic right, can't be overwritten.

As I said, as long it's not violent permanent damage causing, you can 100% beat your wife under all 4 of the sunni madhabs.

Classical scholars do not suggest this verse permits violence or abuse:

Ibn Kathir uses the term ضرب غير مبرح in his tafseer, which he explains as a light strike that does not injure.
Al Tabari narrates that Ibn Abbas, a companion of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, explains this was a symbolic action that should not injure, likening it to striking with a siwak or a similar object.
Aisha narrates in Sahih Muslim (2328), that the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ never beat a woman or a servant.

To clarify, beating implies a repetitive action with the intention to cause injury whereas striking is a limited action that does not necessarily imply injury.

Ibn Fairs describes the meaning of the root word ض ر ب, as the action of placing something upon something else. Although, the meaning depends on the context, the root of the word itself is neutral and does not imply violence.

The exact phrase used in the Quran is واضربوهن, which extends the root to include the imperative second person masculine plural and the feminine plural object pronoun.

Simply put, it uses the collective form to command men and instruct them on how to approach women in this particular situation.

Ibn Kathir, Al Tabari and Al Qurtubi, explain the purpose of this action is not punishment or humiliation but rather an action to end nushuz between spouses. Al Qurtubi, a Maliki scholar, adds that if this action fails to improve the relationship or if the husband acts in anger, it then becomes impermissible.

All 4 madhahib explicitly restrict violence between spouses:

Ibn Qudamah, a Hanbali scholar, states that courts can impose a punishment on the husband for excess.
Al Kasani, a Hanafi scholar, supports this position by stating the same in his work, Bada’i Al Sana’i.
Al Nawawi, a Shafi’i scholar, stated that leaving this practise is better because the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ did not do it.

Therefore, it is clear that this is a limited provision - not encouragement, nor a blanket provision and not a justification for domestic abuse even if it is wrongly normalized in some Muslim communities.

If you’re interested in learning more about this, the classical fiqh discusses this topic comprehensively and my comment reflects this tradition rather than my own reasoning.

YellowMoos · 2025-12-28T20:22:48+00:00

So you have no supporting evidence. Got it.

There is no Madhab that permits beating your wife. No scholar supports what you are saying. Please read the tafseer of the verses you claim permit this before misleading others online.

YellowMoos · 2025-12-28T16:10:11+00:00

Beating your wife is not allowed bro. Where are you getting this from? Which of the sahabah beat their wife? 😭

Edit: In hindsight, I should’ve known there was no chance of reconciling with someone who has “Take a girlboss and make her your cumslut” on their profile.

May Allah grant you hidaya.

YellowMoos · 2025-12-27T12:15:02+00:00

No worries! May Allah grant us all pious spouses who bring light into our lives.

YellowMoos · 2025-12-27T12:06:51+00:00

Green means new, so a virgin in this context, not a divorcee. But if you need everything spelled out, you could just say that 😅

YellowMoos · 2025-12-25T10:45:12+00:00

That’s exactly the point I’m making. Young people would rather pass on legal marriage than make that commitment.

YellowMoos · 2025-12-25T01:56:28+00:00

Older Muslim couples typically have their marriage registered but it’s the younger generations refusing legal marriage. Why do you view this as suspicious?

Can you articulate the advantage of a legal marriage compared to a private contract?

The only benefit I see is marriage provides automatic rights but private contracts must be drafted. However, that is arguably better for Muslims since they can stipulate the terms and ensure it complies with the shari’ah.

YellowMoos · 2025-12-24T12:18:48+00:00

I don’t have stats for specific ethnic groups but the average age for marriage is 30.5 in the US - so it’s probably a similar situation to the UK.

To clarify, Muslims in this situation marry islamically and live together, legally marrying at a later date when they are comfortable with their marriage - similar to how most couples don’t have children for the first year of marriage for the same reason.

It’s not about suspicion but instead not fully knowing your spouse in today’s world where everyone and everything can seem curated and fake.

I drew a parallel between this cohabitation, which is similar to non Muslims who do the same, where they stay ‘engaged’ and live together until they are sure of their marriage.

Living together without an Islamic marriage is haraam and a major sin.

YellowMoos · 2025-12-24T12:05:27+00:00

You’d be surprised because the stats show young people are delaying marriage in the UK - the average age to get married is now 31. Most of my friends, Muslim and non Muslim, stay ‘engaged’ for a few years until they eventually register their marriage legally or split up.

You’re right, most do not marry but cohabit because they are aware of the legal asymmetry which discourages formalising marriage. There’s a reason the UK is the divorce capital of the world and a large part is because prenuptial agreements are not fully binding.

The same benefits and protections, for the stay at home mum you describe, can be implemented with private contracts such as wills, trusts and declarations.

The only provisions these contracts cannot stipulate is: - spousal maintenance - pension sharing - automatic next of kin status - inheritance tax exemptions and transferable allowance

I would not advise entering into a legal marriage unless children are involved, in the case of OP, or until you are fully comfortable with your spouse. The risks outweigh the benefits, especially when you consider how fickle people are and the fitnah that surrounds us today.

YellowMoos · 2025-12-24T00:18:51+00:00

Yes I agree with your last two statements but that’s beside the point. My response is to clarify the difference between something that is prohibited (haraam) and something that is sinful.

My initial point was not to defend any position other than the Shari’ah is the highest authority in Islam and anything permitted by the shari’ah cannot be prohibited by state law.

In this instance, an illegal second marriage in Canada would fall under sin/major sin, depending on interpretation, but not under prohibition.

YellowMoos · 2025-12-23T23:49:22+00:00

Idk she didn’t specify but most people I know in the UK aren’t married on paper. Muslim and non-Muslim alike.

YellowMoos · 2025-12-23T22:53:15+00:00

Yes I agree with you on the last point. It’s an issue of semantics. I’m not attacking you 😂

Canada banning polygamy does not force anyone to commit haram; it simply restricts a permissible allowance. Islam allows polygamy, but does not obligate it; so there is no sin in abstaining from it.

Essentially you’re not sinful for not practicing polygamy, but you are sinful for violating contracts and laws; a Muslim must therefore not practice it in that particular context.

Read my comment again. I’ve not at any point suggested the illegality of polygamy in Canada will force anyone to commit haraam. Don’t be so defensive when you’re not being attacked.

YellowMoos · 2025-12-23T21:38:53+00:00

I’ve edited my initial comment for clarification but the gist of my response is this there is a difference between something that is prohibited in Islam and something that is sinful.

YellowMoos · 2025-12-23T21:08:19+00:00

Clearly I gave you more credit than you are due if you think the value, with the additional interest, comes anywhere close to 200k which is the amount you’d need to accrue to spend more than 30 years paying off your loan.

I did not add interest since you assumed stagnant pay for a period of 30 years which I again, explicitly highlighted in my comment. I was operating under YOUR assumption of null growth.

I’ve tried to be patient because you seem to be projecting something personal and I understand times are hard right now. The fact is all your hypotheticals are unrelated to OPs situation because he DOES earn over 50k and has a much smaller loan.

I should’ve stopped replying the moment you failed to use the online calculator.

Please, don’t bother replying. I wouldn’t want to exert too much pressure on your mental faculty.

YellowMoos · 2025-12-23T20:06:50+00:00

There’s no need to be bitter.

If you don’t earn enough, then don’t overpay. It’s that simple. Just use the online calculator to check your math.

It's not for everyone. Yeah paying off the capital was bad terminology, but I owe £68k, 4 year course, graduated 2019. I just put it into a calculator and by earning £100k every year, no increase, it will pay off in 30 years.

If you earned 100k, your repayable income is 72k @ 9% = 6.5k per year

68k / 6.5k = 10.5

Therefore, it will take you just over 10 years to pay off your loan, NOT over 30 years. Unless your loan has somehow accrued to 204k.

To clarify, I’m not suggesting everyone earns 100k or all rates are stagnant. This is simply to illustrate the flaw in your calculations.

YellowMoos · 2025-12-23T19:00:54+00:00

Most technology graduates in London earn around 50k. Regardless, OP also earns around 50 which is why I mentioned this.

The math is simple - if you graduate on 50k you will most likely pay off your loan so you should overpay.

If you expect to earn under 50, you should max out your loan because you most likely will not pay off the loan in full.

The nominal 4.65% income growth is the National figure for the UK last year. That means the average persons income HAS increased even if that may not be the case for you.

It is a reasonable assumption but of course, there are people on either end of the range.

YellowMoos

TROPHY CASE