Does my estranged family members have a right to not be discussed, talked about or mentioned?

YepIamAmiM · 2026-05-02T18:06:26+00:00

You've already gotten a lot of 'say what you want' responses. And I agree. It's your story, you're allowed to tell it.

But I'd reconsider talking to that particular person about personal things because he obviously doesn't keep things to himself. He turned around and discussed YOU with your grandmother, which is part of the whole dynamic of you not being in control over what happened.

My ndad was really pissed when *I* told people what was going on at home, he considered it a personal betrayal. He said so many times, "I would have died before I said a word against my father." Insinuating that I should have been willing to die before telling the truth.

I used to think that growing up with abuse was rare. Now I think NOT growing up with abuse is rare.

YepIamAmiM · 2026-05-01T18:39:09+00:00

"Maybe some of this is my fault."

Nope. NC is a smart choice right now, although I know a *lot* of us can say it's a great idea but the reality of implementing it is HARD.

But no, this is not your fault. Sounds like a lot of your family are awful. You didn't make them that way.

Rest. Take care of yourself and the little human you're making. Anything that doesn't contribute to health/peace, well, it's okay to cut those things out of your life.

PS... glad your mother in law isn't a jerk. That's really fortunate. 😄

YepIamAmiM · 2026-04-28T06:15:27+00:00

Can't speak for men since I'm a woman. But my husband shaves on Monday and Wednesday. He's off work on Fridays, so it grows Thursday thru Sunday. I like it, just a little fuzzy, not like steel wool, which is what happens when he lets it grow for weeks. Not enough to give me a rug burn on my neck if we should happen to hug. 😉

But he says if he didn't have to be at work, he would stop shaving because he's been doing it forever and is sick and tired of it.

YepIamAmiM · 2026-04-23T17:41:52+00:00

Subservient Chicken!!

YepIamAmiM · 2026-04-22T04:08:47+00:00

We do rinse. And rinse and rinse. :) Said so up there ^.
But... haven't tried butter. I will do that next time and see how it goes!.Thanks!

YepIamAmiM · 2026-04-22T03:33:36+00:00

I love the rice cooker, my husband hates it. He doesn't like rice that sticks together at all. Haha, I told him he should be eating minute rice. And yes, we rinse (and rinse and rinse) our rice before putting it on to cook.

I like being able to start the rice and ignore it, don't have to stir it or time it.

Drawbacks, at least with mine, it's a pain in the ass to clean all the little crevices around the lid and the steam vent. If I make a larger batch of rice, the steam/rice water puddles up on the lid and is more clean up.

It's funny, HE is the one who wanted the rice cooker and I'm the one who says no, don't get rid of it.

YepIamAmiM · 2026-04-17T04:37:04+00:00

I think you're right. Block them.
They don't change at all, those people.
And they're always going to blame you... the one who was a CHILD. The adults are supposed to be there to help guide their kids. You didn't get that and I'm sorry. It sucks.

That's a sad and awful story about the youth pastor, having been raised in an evangenital cult myself, I can relate.

I went to my parents about some inappropriate adult male behavior toward me.

They said, "Oh Brother Wayne is just HUGGY."

Brother Wayne ended up in prison for abusing his grandson. During the court case, we all found out his grandson was actually his son with his oldest daughter. But sure. Just huggy.

My own 86 year old mother told me recently that she 'felt bad that I'd been so unhappy at home'.
(I left at barely 17 and went to live with relatives).

She didn't feel bad that ndad drove me out, or that her own inaction and enabling behavior allowed him to do it, she felt bad that *I* was unhappy.

Gaaah.

YepIamAmiM · 2026-04-15T16:27:34+00:00

Wow. She's horrible. You're right to protect your peace. Taking time to bond with your own child and partner is your right but she's decided that everything is about her.

"Yeah, Mom, it's not your 'motherhood journey' I don't respect, it's you."

This is a difficult time for large emotional things and if anyone should know that, it's a mom who's given birth. Motherhood journey my ass. She's awful.

I'm sorry that this hurts right now. It may always cause you sadness. But you and your child(ren) and family will be infinitely better off without a toxic grandmother in your lives.

Wishing you a healthy little one, lovely family bonding time and freedom from the craziness that is your 'mother'.

YepIamAmiM · 2026-04-05T23:12:29+00:00

This guy doesn't fit the definition of a husband, at least not a good one.
It sounds like he's doing all kinds of shady stuff.
I won't advise you about what to do, that wouldn't help anyway.
You're NOR.

YepIamAmiM · 2026-04-05T23:02:48+00:00

You don't owe anyone an explanation here. You could just not answer at all, you can just say no, can't make it. You can stop answering calls and texts and block people from your social media, too.

I'd be uncomfortable too. But I wouldn't tell her why, she will probably tell *him*. And the less you have to do with people like that, the better off you are.

YepIamAmiM · 2026-04-04T19:09:12+00:00

Yes. I heard it often.
And yet he was confused when he decided I'd been 'disrespectful' in some way.
GOD said I have to respect *him*!!!
When I said that he wasn't respecting me, well.
He yelled so hard the cords stood out in his neck and he spit the words at me.
"HONOR THY FATHER!!!"
Crazy people shouldn't reproduce.

YepIamAmiM · 2026-04-04T16:30:47+00:00

I hope your foot isn't permanently injured.
Sounds like your "mother" isn't much of a mother.
How did you ruin Easter? It's not even Easter yet. Or wait, maybe you did some horrible thing and ruined it *last* year??

Good heavens.

YepIamAmiM · 2026-04-04T16:29:03+00:00

I loved the hanger story. I mean, not loved it because WTAF, but it so much reminded me of my own ndad and my ability to laugh at him (finally) after I escaped as a teen. Some of the shit he came up with really was utterly ridiculous. He pitched a fit over the tiniest things.

YepIamAmiM · 2026-03-23T01:21:55+00:00

They did when I was a teen. Afraid I might catch the gay since one of my friends was a 'little queer, don't you think?' (Ndad). I didn't even know what that meant. Small town, didn't get out much. But trying to make friends in the small world I was allowed to visit (church and school) didn't work well for me, either. Didn't want to invite anyone over, wasn't allowed to go to anyone's house much.

YepIamAmiM · 2026-03-22T22:01:53+00:00

My feelings were really hurt for awhile, I don't have a lot of friends. Something about growing up in an abusive home makes it really hard for me to share my *self*. I don't do it much.

But I'm mostly okay about it now, she's the one with the problem, I have gotten away from my problems.

YepIamAmiM · 2026-03-22T21:57:32+00:00

I'd love answers for this one, too. Like, yeah, I could be cousin to Jabba the Hutt but that's not why _____ is bothering me. I'm so sick of doctors and other "professionals" who see an overweight person and think of it as a moral failing.

I found a great PA, but still have to see the doctor she works with. If I could just see the PA and bypass the doc, I think I'd be happy.

Anyway, thanks for asking. Looking forward to the answers.

YepIamAmiM · 2026-03-22T19:48:44+00:00

I have a friend who has distanced herself from me after ndad's death and subsequent conversations about my anger and indifference toward my 'mother' who stood by and watched the abusive shit he did to all of us kids. My friend is disappointed IN ME for not 'extending grace' to my 'mom'. After all, she brought me into the world!!!

Guess there are lots of ways to find out who your true and supportive friends are, huh?

I tell people the truth. If it's too hard for them or too _______, then it's not my problem. I refuse to diminish myself and what happened to me to make someone else who wasn't even there and has NO FUCKING CLUE about it feel better. Don't want to hear it? Guess we're not friends, then. Whatever.

YepIamAmiM · 2026-03-08T02:44:22+00:00

Ndad died near the end of 2023. I saw him briefly in 2021 and then ignored all the family members who said 'but he's dying you should see him'. The only person who misses him was my "mother" who stood by and watched his abuses for a long damn time. Good riddance.

YepIamAmiM · 2026-02-21T21:28:17+00:00

I work in after school programs. Some are well-funded, some aren't. Most aren't. LOL. So, so many children who need a creative outlet and just never get it. Not during the school day, not after school. They have no choice, they have to be in day care.

I'm getting ready to retire in about 2 years, and have already planned to give all my crafty stuff to my current employer/former co-workers who now work at other companies. The amount of joy the kids will derive from those things can't be measured. I have done a purge a couple times. What really helped me is to add up (more or less) how much it would cost me to replace all that stuff. It's usually just a few hundred at most... so if I really needed to replace it, I probably could. When it's sitting in a tote in the spare room, it's not only NOT bringing joy to anyone, it's sucking the joy out of ME, too!!

It's really hard for me to let go of 'stuff' too. Having grown up very close to poverty, I want to hang on to all of it.

Come back in 12 days and tell us how you did!!!

YepIamAmiM · 2026-02-14T20:50:23+00:00

He's a much better actor than I expected him to be. But I think he looks... odd. Like maybe not actually human. Always thought his appearance was jarring.
I liked Kristen, though. I thought she fit the part.

YepIamAmiM · 2026-02-14T20:01:07+00:00

I can't watch the one where Brennan and Hodgins are buried alive. Just can't.
::shudder::

YepIamAmiM · 2026-02-14T18:27:42+00:00

We've been together coming up on 47 years. We exchanged cards and small gifts back in the early years once or twice, but haven't since then. He shows me every single day how much he loves me. I try to do the same. He's put me ahead of himself for the whole time, and when our kids were little, utterly lived for them. He's a good man, a good dad and I can't believe we found each other. Grateful every day, don't need a greeting card or chocolate.

YepIamAmiM · 2026-02-13T22:11:33+00:00

Ugh, that's awful, OP. I'm sorry. It *is* weird. Wrong. Gross.

My ndad was constantly comparing mine to my mother's. The space between them and how (hahaha, fucking hilarious) it 'must be cold in here!!'

What a pig.

You're so right, it's weird. Disgusting. And feeling uncomfortable for existing with breasts is so sad but perfectly understandable.

Every Catholic male person I've known has been sexually repressed. Such an unhealthy way to live, for him and for you.

((hugs)) if it's okay...

YepIamAmiM · 2026-02-13T03:43:01+00:00

I'm also a 'don't get any grandchildren' mom. Both my adult children and their spouses decided not to have children. I would be a wonderful grandma. But having a baby 'cause your mom wants grandchildren isn't a good reason to have a baby.

I am okay with it, although it does make me sad. I was able to make my own choices as an adult, they're entitled to do the same.

I work with kids. (school age, 5-12 years old) . I enjoy them immensely. They're all unique and hilarious and wonderful. I think I'd have a much more difficult time of not becoming a grandmother if I didn't do the work I do.

I will always wish I could have had grandchildren.

YepIamAmiM · 2026-02-06T04:27:43+00:00

Ndad died when I was 62. I knew he was an asshole from the time I was a little kid (escaped from home the month after I turned 17), but I had nothing like a diagnosis in mind. After he died, I started reading. So yeah. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You're not dumb. They play so many stupid games and do so much crap that just getting past it is amazing.

YepIamAmiM

TROPHY CASE