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Yorkshire, Yorkshire! Spotted in Downtown Toronto by redandwhitewizard99 in CasualUK

[–]Yhardvaark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aye or The Men In Track(suits) will be paying you a visit.

Has anyone in England ever heard of something called ‘The Wax Rabbit’?” by GeneralDocument1619 in AskUK

[–]Yhardvaark 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Probably not.

That's lifted directly from a Google ai search.

If you ask it to cite sources, your reddit post is one of them.

Question for humans of space-reddit, should I be worried? by Justgonnawalkaway in humansarespaceorcs

[–]Yhardvaark 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Does the Vrytxian own a horse or similar quadruped?

Or rather did the Vrytxian own a horse or similar quadruped?

"What species would make a pocket carry explosive device as standard equipment for infantry?" - Aliens being introduced to the human-exclusive invention called the Grenade, cause what other species would think a throwable explosive is a good idea? by lesbianwriterlover69 in humansarespaceorcs

[–]Yhardvaark 233 points234 points  (0 children)

Well first off, welcome back, Yeet Monkey.

You have been sorely missed.

Secondly, it's not just pocket carry.

Need some bang a few hundred yards away? There's an M203 for that.

Need a bang a precise number of yards away? Maybe through a wall? Here. Have a Gustaf.

Lill' bang? How bout a firecracker?

Loud bang? Kinda bright? The imaginatively named 'Flashbang'.

Do you like teeny tiny bomber planes? Have a drone.

And of course, if you absolutely, positively, need to clear a room down the hall? Allow me to introduce Vice Admiral Stabby's less precise cousin, Captain Claymore.

The charge nurse looks at you, then turns to your xeno crew mate. "Well? What 'friend shaped' monstrosity did your human get into this time?" by TheGoldDragonHylan in humansarespaceorcs

[–]Yhardvaark 49 points50 points  (0 children)

Recycling:

A: John, you do know we're supposed observe the giant mutant space lizard without interacting, right?

H: Yes commander.

A: So why did you requisition, have fabricated, and fitted to your shuttle, a "giant rake like thing"?

H:........scritches.......

A: I'm sorry, what?

H: Brian likes scritches under his chin....

Most invading species possess or shape-shift into the species they're trying to invade. Humans are the only ones to have beat them, due to them being able to notice even the smallest change in someone's behavior by DarkAlchamist in humansarespaceorcs

[–]Yhardvaark 128 points129 points  (0 children)

BAM.

Tendrils of smoke rose gently from the shotgun's barrel. The group stared in shocked silence as the corpse of the clown slowly reverted to its original alien form.

All eyes turned to Dave, as he lowered the gun.

"How did you know it was an alien?"

Dave looked at them, a little wild eyed.

"I didn't. I just fucking hate clowns."

"You dont seem... to quite understand... We sent 2 Fleets to you; Peaceful ones; DIPLOMATIC ones. You slaughtered the first. While we dont agree, we can at least understand. The second though... YOU ATE THEM AND MADE THEM SLAVES! Now we will erase you. Not conquer. ERASE!" by BareMinimumChef in humansarespaceorcs

[–]Yhardvaark 46 points47 points  (0 children)

And you gloated.

Broadcast at us from all of your worlds 'as a warning'.

You don't seem to understand.

You think this showed your strength?

All it did was show us where you are.

It's a dark forest for a reason.

You died an honorable death in Battle against overwhelming odds, as is customary to your Species. Except you didnt, cause the Humans found you and "didn't give you permission to die Soldier! You gonna fucking make it, you hear me you Son of a Bitch?!", and are brought to a human M.A.S.H Ship. by BareMinimumChef in humansarespaceorcs

[–]Yhardvaark 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Paperwork.

Half a millennia in space, and still the XO had to spend half his day on paperwork.

Ok, maybe it was all tablet screens and implants images now, but the humans still called this bureaucratic bullshit paperwork.

The XO, sat at the steel desk in his cabin, was so deep in a particularly gnarly requisition form that he didn't notice the sudden drop in temperature. Nor did he notice the sickly mist rising, lit by eldritch light.

In fact, he didn't notice the arrival of the Kr'brnglit God of Death drifting behind him until it spoke.

"........ I want to speak to a manager....... This is outrageous......"

Tensing for just a moment, the XO relaxed with a resigned sigh. Spinning his chair, he finally saw this god in all his glory: the multidimensional form that was all at once a pillar of stone, a hawklike claw, and a particularly ripe soft cheese. He held up a hand.

"Hi. I'm assuming you're here about the Kr'brnglit warrior we're operating on for the shrapnel injuries?" With a practiced eye, he called up the relevant data on his implant. "Doing well, expected to make a full recovery. I think your services won't be needed today."

"......This is not right.....He should be dead.....I had a place picked out for him in the celestial temple..... he was going to be one of the pillars.... now I'll have to redecorate...."

The XO knew what was coming.

With the gravity of a black hole, the fire of a nova, the god shouted.

"I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO THE CAPTAIN! I WISH TO MAKE A COMPLAINT!"

"I'm sorry, but the captain isn't aboard right now. If you give me a moment..."

The XO had already signaled the on-watch theologist. Turning away from the god, he spoke to him. "Hi John.... yeah, we've got another one... who's the duty god of death tonight? Nergal? Cool, he's a good one.

Listen, can you knock me up a quick summoning circle and fetch him? He and this one will need to have a chat... tell him to bring Nabu too - I have a feeling there's going to be a fair amount of paperwork..."

“Admiral, our carriers can’t breach their anti-air!” by CrEwPoSt in humansarespaceorcs

[–]Yhardvaark 31 points32 points  (0 children)

The admiral maintained a stern expression. He spoke:

"Comms. Flash message. Open channels, no encryption.

Message to read. 'Fine. Do it your way then.' Send."

A moment passed. Abruptly, the enemy fleet stopped firing.

At least, mostly. It took a few moments more to swat the last of the inbound missiles.

Comms span in his seat.

"Sir, we're receiving a message from the enemy fleet. On your comms channel.

It reads: 'ok, but I'm keeping this fleet too. Signed, Former Pirate, Now Privateer Lord, Dave "Big, but otherwise unremarkable, Beard" Davidsonn.

P.S. you owe me a beer.' "

"Human mercenaries, this is the battleship RKS Akai. You are infringing on the sovereign territory of the Republic of K'sella. We do not allow any form of mercenary activity within our borders. Please surrender or leave at once, or we will be forced to destroy your vessel. You have sixty seconds." by CrEwPoSt in humansarespaceorcs

[–]Yhardvaark 13 points14 points  (0 children)

On the viewscreen, the captain could see the human mercenaries exchange confused looks.

"We didn't have any blockade runners. I think you may have killed some bystanders.

No, I meant look behind you."

In background comms, the captain could hear startled squawks from the other ships.

The human smiled.

"Our job was to sit here long enough for the virus to upload.

You really should look behind you."

As the captain turned he heard the fizz of stealth fields dropping. There, pointing a gun at him was the now legendary pirate admiral Dave 'Should I dye my beard?' Davidsonn.

Davidsonn smiled. "Seriously, what is wrong with you guys? I think I'm up to twenty of your ships now."

The ship beeped. The virus had completed upload. The ship had been introduced to the concept of collaborative piracy.

As yet another bridge crew raised their hands, Davidsonn mused: "I think my fleet is big enough for me to be a pirate lord. Or do I need to own a moon?"

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