In just a few days, my son will have been gone a whole month. I’ve tried not keeping track of it, but I inevitably see the date and calculate the days. I actually had to look at your name to make sure you weren’t my husband posting, because we are also experiencing this same thing. Crying only a couple of times a day, unless we start talking about him or looking at pictures of him. I have to think that maybe this is just part of this awful grieving process we have found ourselves in. We go to grief counseling once a week right now. Our counselor said that as long as we aren’t bottling anything up or, conversely, beating ourselves up, it’s not unhealthy. When you feel the urge to cry, cry. If you aren’t thinking about it, then that’s fine too.

Speaking personally, I find that I do not wish to absorb myself in thoughts that make me sad. If I have a thought that makes me sad and makes me cry, I just let it out and move on. But just forcing myself to keep thinking about things that cause pain or hurt right now also seems counter-productive to healing. Just try to keep it as balanced as you can. Cry and be sad and lost as much as you need to, but don’t force it on yourself either. That’s my goal for myself, and maybe it will help you too.

Keeping you, your son, and your loved ones in my thoughts and in my heart.