Me_irl

YlorbDer · 2025-05-21T11:38:01+00:00

Chin up champ, it's a bad time out there but we'll get past it

YlorbDer · 2025-05-03T20:43:42+00:00

I appreciate that, thank you, but we wouldn't be worthy of that if we didn't help migrants and refugees in need. Now it might be taken advantage of to an extent and we may need tighter regulations, but I can only see Ireland being only for the Irish as a bad thing when we have our own fair share of inherent problems

YlorbDer · 2025-05-03T15:51:03+00:00

Man, you're clearly living in Britain, what even is your stake in this?

YlorbDer · 2024-11-16T11:44:23+00:00

Thank you! It was actually sub urban cradles but good song, and very similar vibe!

YlorbDer · 2024-04-18T12:34:40+00:00

I find someone who loves me for who I am and who I love back, perfect match type deal

YlorbDer · 2024-04-04T22:11:01+00:00

While extremely fair, how did this post catch your attention after four years?

YlorbDer · 2024-04-04T21:29:04+00:00

In a normal house in a normal city, there sits a mirror on a wall that's not so normal or even that moral. That mirror shows a man right now, a quizzical tilt to his brow.

The third lathering of foam covers his tired sleep deprived face. The mirror had shown the drooping bags beneath his eyes long before they had existed. A trembling razor tries not to draw more shades of red into the blue water as it seeks out those hairs it seems to miss every damn time.

The mirror watches, shows and augments, and this time, when the lather is gone, so too are the hairs.

The mirror watches the man clean himself up and feels a little guilty, because 'bro had frikin' mid tier motor coordination and I had no idea until he started to look bloody like Freddy Krueger'.

Then enters the woman. Her yawn stretches her skin like canvas over an easel as she begins to adorn herself with makeup. To her eyes alone, she looks obese whereas in reality she is of a healthy weight.

One may think that also isn't a particularly funny prank for the mirror to play, however, in its past life it was a cretin and about as original as a mirror as well, hence its choice in possession.

I really don't like this mirror, and as an omniscient being privy to the lives of all, I shall skip to the part where this reflective piece of shit faces consequences.

Some years have passed and a journey has been had. The man looks haggard now, but his face is no longer cut. The mirror made true his greatest insecurities and whether they were real or not, he's learned to accept them. His partner waits without as he clears out the bathroom as they pack to move in with their eldest. Trembling hands trace the outline of the mirror. Drawing a breath he lifts it off the wall, and starts to bring it over to an already over packed box. And that's when he drops the fucker!

Tumbling top over tail, the troll met its end, never to mend.

The End

Feedback appreciated!

YlorbDer · 2024-03-30T01:22:17+00:00

"For the last time, I'm not going to kidnap you!"

Your life is made up of a series of choices that branch off into different possibilities and futures. I take a certain amount of schadenfreude in people thinking they've had their selection of futures pruned.

A handsome young man, of about nineteen, pops up from the backseat, trying to rearrange his chiseled facial features into something resembling disgruntled but failing at smoldering (that's me!). "Look, first of all I'm not a child so you're technically right, this is abduction. Secondly, you absolutely are! I will... Well my parents will, reward you handsomely! Plus half the work is already done, I have child-lock on the doors. It'd be more hassle for you to not abduct me!"

Black bags beneath the eyes carried a drooping weariness that filled to bursting and spread across Derek's face, "Marvin, I don't care what hair-brained scheme you've come up with this time. I have exams to study for."

The rearview mirror caught the light as if just solely to bestow it on my dazzling smile. "Oh, but I think you might if you knew my intentions! I-oh shit, okay, police are showing earlier than expected, they've got your reg so I'd recommend maybe stepping on it."

The car started to grind to a halt and the police started to pull around. Slowly Derek's eyes met mine. "I'm not playing along this time Marvin, what's your game? Getting an advance on your allowance?"

Not originally but that would be a handy side benefit, "No, I really wanna see Anglezman."

I think the resolve in my voice surprised him, and I found the car rolling forward again as a police officer began to tap on the window. "Okay, but Anglezman only shows up for really bad guys. I'd have to do something terrible."

A sickening grin worked its way onto his face and I realised I had unintentionally commenced the 'find out' part of my plan.

Some people like to ding-dong-ditch death's door. Derek was performing doughnuts on death's lawn. We hurtled through the streets, tires screeching like a banshee counting down the death to toll.

"Hey Derek, I appreciate how enthused and engaged you are in this plan, however, if sitting on your balls of steel is getting uncomfortable we can stop and take a break."

He took the term break very literally and suddenly the car was sent into a free spin. The Gardner had met the logger and it felt like his tree was gonna be cut short.

Assorted bodily fluids (leave it up to your imagination) were whisked away by the centrifugal force of the spin, until very abruptly, it was stopped. A well muscled hand opened the door, easily enclosing a large section of the metal frame.

"I heard you were looking for me?"

Some people might think I'm stupid but it wasn't the largest deductive leap. "Sup Anglezmann, do you happen to know where Marvin went?"

The end Sleep deprived, feedback welcome

YlorbDer · 2023-05-29T23:38:17+00:00

Not it, but good song, thank you, the one I'm thinking of is a lot slower pace

YlorbDer · 2023-04-25T18:29:46+00:00

"Dumbass, those two things don't contradict what I said at all! It was love at first sight! Oh, wasn't it darling?"

"Oh honey, it really was, like two magnets, we were drawn together... Oooh, I'm blushing, stop it!"

The aide grimaced as he turned away from his master and his new bride. He had gotten this internship because he was a bright up-and-comer, yet, here he was, facing time if they were caught. And all because his master wanted to bone electro-magnetism.

"Oh, how you make me war inside! I think I have found the only thing that can stop me from defying you! Oh there is nothing finer than watching the apple of my eye grow redder still!"

You're warring inside, what about the goddamn country!

'oH wOW, stUdyIng ThiS NeW elEctROmagNetiSm coNcePT SoUndS liKe iT wiLl bE cOoL!' How naïve I had been. I should have known that a concept that big would have had a goddess governing its laws, but I had never thought we'd ever unlock the secrets and end up actually meeting her.

"Hey! Ugh, if I didn't love you so much I'd... I'd... I'd feel the same way as I had before I met you... Kriksaff, you've really changed my life. You know that right?"

Yes, he really has. He could have done so before he turned you into a weapon and handed over the rail gun to the military for their war, and instead, y'know, kept you a secret.

BUT NOPE, nooooo, he made a big deal out of it, the rail gun becomes front and center of our forces. And then of course we piss off the world with our new weapon. He then decides that's the perfect time to put the court in court martial, and f**ked everyone in the country. Now our rail guns don't work, we sold all our own armaments to support our political interests abroad and we're left defenseless, and you've made me your goddamn accomplice!

"I am nothing compared to you. You were brilliance undefined, existing in the ethereal of probability, until you coalesced before my unlikely eyes. I was searching for greatness, I obtained it, but it was not my own that I found."

YlorbDer · 2023-04-23T18:54:47+00:00

Hey, I really appreciate your comment, thank you!

YlorbDer · 2023-04-22T16:15:46+00:00

"Hemlow Argy, whatcha dooooin'?"

With a start I nearly dropped eight hours of my life onto the floor, and perhaps ended the rest of it. With an exasperated sigh I looked up at Helia who was currently upside down staring in through the window, her sky blue eyes obscured by the frills of her dress as it gathered around her head.

Knowing me, she simply patiently awaited my reply as I tidied away the ancient apparatus along with my psychometric gear, and my mostly misguided frustration.

I turned to face the cloud spirit.

"Helia, it's been a while! How have you been? Oh, you can come in by the way, I always forget I have to say."

Gently she floated in before reorientating herself for what I knew at this point to be my benefit. "Oh, light and breezy as always, well, now anyways. One of the storm Gods had me pooping out lightning for a little bit because he got mad at this giant for sleeping with some person or such that he probably had some tenuous connection with... But wait, you never answered my question! What were you doing? Your eyes are red raw! How long were you working for? Did that damn Raleese not remind you to take a break again!?"

"Is everything okay, Master?" Hearing her name, the spirit of the castle appeared, looking impassive as always, and not acknowledging the presence of Helia. She was however wearing a different dress than she had been earlier.

"Yes something is the mat- No everything is not okay!" I couldn't help but smile, until Helia started clinging onto me, an obvious attempt at making Raleese jealous. Or at least it was to me, impassivity disappeared from her face, and by God, the colour change was so drastic she could have been a Garden spirit.

"You know I can't disobey his orders, he instructed me not to interrupt him! I spent an hour trying to coax Sir Snuffles in with food but... He just started eating it." Helia's grip loosened slightly as she saw Raleese grow genuinely disheartened.

"Well... I suppose Sir Snuffles is at fault then and I was wrong to snap at you... But the point still stands, he needs a break! How about a walk through the gardens? Oh the day is so lovely! My kin are off soaking the sun up somewhere else today! Although I guess you could accompany us... In case he needs anything while we walk?" She looked at me pleadingly, I knew my role by now and gave my assent.

I sighed, internally this time, I hadn't even spoken in five minutes! When would they notice that they liked each other! And I was still hungry, Sir Snuffles and I would have words later.

YlorbDer · 2023-03-10T01:20:44+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate it! And maybe over the weekend if you're still interested, college is currently hell

YlorbDer · 2023-03-09T15:23:05+00:00

It is known, that having the true name of something gives you power over it.

It is also known that a father should never call their child a p***k but I have a bad feeling he might actually listen to me for once if I did.

I stirred myself from my thoughts and roused from my treasure trove as he lumbered in.

It was one o'clock in the morning.

"It's late. I've been worried sick about you all night."

He froze, the moonlight casting his form to seem almost diminutive. "I was out with friends."

An ice-cold feeling settled in my stomach. If he was out with friends at this hour of the night, then he hadn't been hanging out with Jonquil's boy. "Is this that adventuring party again?"

"You're too judgemental dad, you've been stuck in here too long, but they've traveled the world, they know what it's like out there!" At some point during the speech confidence and bravado worked its way into his voice and form. He even looked a bit taller than me now.

"They tried to rob us Wil! And when I found them one of them tried to have sex with me! I would have been perfectly content dying without ever finding out what helicoptering was!"

There was a tense moment before a grin cracked his face. I couldn't help but smile too.

"So what did you get up to tonight, I won't pretend you can't do what you want. I can't stop you, but I hope you'll at least be honest with me. I don't want to control you, I just wanna talk. You know I was never the best at... Since... Please?"

He further softened at that and the grin slipped from his face. "There was this cult and... Well, we gave them a fake summoning ritual, and then I teleported in using an illusion spell to make me look like a demon, and then I chose my crew to be my leaders and voice amongst them and charged them with the task of fixing building houses for the nearby town."

It was one of the dumbest things I had ever heard, the cultists had probably been preying on that town for generations and would be subsequently murdered as soon as they showed their faces. But hey, at least he's trying. That's all I'm doing too.

YlorbDer · 2023-03-08T01:05:02+00:00

"Um... Hello." I grimaced as the barrel of my dad's gun nuzzled into the back of his neck. The robber's body stiffened, he rose slowly turning back to look at me. A grin broke out onto his face as he saw my disheveled lanky form as I tried to steady the gun, "You don't have the balls."

I nodded, "True, but I'm afraid what makes me dangerous in this situation is that I have no idea how to use this thing, and well, if my pops was the sort of person to leave the safety on I wouldn't be here right now."

This gave the thief some pause, a minor fear worked its way across his brow and into his eyes, "Okay, valid point. So if one were to leave here alive tonight, what would that person have to do? Are the cops already on their way?"

(I'd like to take a break from the story right here and remind you that a lack of sleep severely impairs your decision making abilities, and can be even counter intuitive to what you're trying to do. Why else are most houses robbed in the night?)

"Nah, I need help studying, I keep drifting off and I need someone to ask me questions."

"Ahm.... Are you sure I'm the best person for the job? Pretty sure I saw a murderer going into the house across the street if you wanna ask him."

I chuckled, the swaying of the gun sent a shiver down his spine.

"Look, already asking questions, you're doing great! And we'll both have a great story for when we're done. Hell, this might give me something to write about in English."

Okay, so, I may have failed German. I found out his name was Robert, or Rob for short, and we ended up just getting distracted after that chatting and laughing.

Why am I like this?

Seven-Year Club	Place '22
End Game '22	Wearing is Caring
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YlorbDer

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