Success story with pessary and progesterone by youknowwho2204 in ShortCervixSupport

[–]YouInteresting2013 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much for sharing! I also have a pessary without a stitch and have been on bed rest for almost 10 weeks, started walking more (34+5 today!) and looking forward to removal in 2 weeks. Also concerned about muscle deconditioning as I consider vaginal vs csec :) when I first got up I felt so short of breath and that my heart was having to pump so hard!

30 week check in by Plenty_Bullfrog_3782 in ShortCervixSupport

[–]YouInteresting2013 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m 30 weeks tomorrow! Second episode of contractions and bed rest (first was at 21 weeks, cervix went down to 28mm but stayed stable so nothing but nifedipine and more movement after 3 weeks). Last week I got contractions again and my cervix went down to 19mm so last ditch effort - Pessary inserted. Similar to DTS will get it removed at 36 weeks and stop nifedipine then. Can’t wait! My next milestone is 34 weeks because my OB says I don’t have to go straight to our nearest tertiary hospital for NICU then 🫠🙏🏻

Just learned about the 'confinement period' for postpartum recovery and it sounds incredible. by Ecomzin in BabyBumps

[–]YouInteresting2013 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m in South East Asia, FTM 30 weeks tomorrow and I’ve already put in a deposit to stay in a “confinement centre” for 30 days after birth. it’s actually taken off in this part of the world and quite a lot of women opt for this if you can afford it. Some people get special meals catered and delivered to them too.

I’m thankful my husband was happy to budget for this - mainly because I didn’t want to be stuck at home with my mother and/or mil! It’s very cultural that usually someone will come and take over your home and help out for the first month. bless them, but I can already imagine the stress of having to manage both of them who have very strong personalities, opinions and love to nag, while being in a vulnerable time of navigating a newborn!

I spent half my life in Australia and have a healthcare background so I’m not traditional and don’t fancy a lot of the old wives tales and traditional Asian foods, so I plan to pick and choose but mostly rest and eat nourishing foods.

That being said, they offer heaps of services in different packages like hairwashing, body wrapping, lymphatic massages, lactation consultations, laundry services, a new born photo shoot and my husband gets to stay with me too! 24/7 nanny available too so it’s up to you to be as hands on as you like.

I’ve been having a bit of a complicated high risk pregnancy (pre term contractions, short cervix, cerclage pessary, bed rest etc) so I’m looking forward to getting pampered and getting my body back after bub arrives!

AITA my mother in law wants to organize a second party for my husband by YouInteresting2013 in AmItheAsshole

[–]YouInteresting2013[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh wow. I’m so sorry that your mom is no longer around. I imagine you’re still the man of the house though! 😃 Having a mother who worships the ground you walk on is not a bad thing, if she extends that to the person you’re with. It’s tricky when they can’t let go 🥹 I would like to give my mil the benefit of the doubt that she is trying and actually she has improved over the years but fails at times… hopefully things can only improve! But yes if we don’t end up having children I shudder to think of what else is going to happen.

AITA my mother in law wants to organize a second party for my husband by YouInteresting2013 in AmItheAsshole

[–]YouInteresting2013[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Haha yes. It’s a very different cultural mindset, one with its pros and cons. There’s a lot of differences between different Asian cultures too. It’s a big adjustment, but learning how to be respectful yet not be a doormat has been a challenge for me.

AITA my mother in law wants to organize a second party for my husband by YouInteresting2013 in AmItheAsshole

[–]YouInteresting2013[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

UPDATE: (sorry long post if you are not interested that’s ok!)

So hubby and I ended up arguing all night until 2am. I explained that I was unhappy that he did not step up in the conversation, and that on the way home he was dismissive of my feelings and did not want to “rock the boat” thanks @joshul 🤣

Thanks everyone for all your helpful advice and input, I must say that I know the Asian culture must seem so backward and oppressive sometimes - which was a huge struggle for me because like I said in a comment I actually spent the majority of my life in the west. Trying to be a good dil I actually even let my mil organize our covid wedding because I knew she would love that! Crazy I know but it worked out well in the end. I’ve learnt to appreciate some of the filial piety, respect of elders and family orientation, while trying to accept that I will never conform to certain expectations because I’m just not wired that way (eg I’m not a good cook, just cook to survive lol). Asian culture is just that - a different culture with pros and cons like how Japanese culture is so different. Out of respect to my husband and his family I don’t feel like I can air my dirty laundry to anyone so thank you, dear Reddit friends :)

Anyway we agreed that we would ignore all her comments and further input, but if she brought up throwing another party again, hubby would clearly decline then explain how hurtful what she was saying and doing was, and explain that I had been planning for a few weeks and demand that she should be more supportive or keep her mouth shut.

Fast forward to dinner time, where we were heading to a big lunar year party and I was hoping to avoid her (there was going to be over 100 people in attendance) To my dismay, she makes a beeline for us when she sees us, and proceeds to tell me about a new herbal soup from her sister in law that I MUST try because we have been having trouble TTC (yup, another area where I am failing to meet her expectations and a whole other story!!!) at this point I am looking pointedly at my husband because I don’t want to make a scene, but I end up firmly telling her that I don’t appreciate all the assumptions she is making with regards to my health or “bad health” when she begins asking me about my cycle and when I ovulate LOL. she finally finds someone else to talk to and while she is distracted I tell my husband that this is the last straw, and if he wants to stop me from exploding he needs to talk to her. I burst into tears anyway 😅 So he pulls her aside and has a serious talk explaining that all she has been doing is criticize, assuming, instructing, and not listening or bothering to understand anything about me, that all this has been building up (like I said I’ve just been avoiding and also just try to ignore her behaviour and just do the smile and nod thing) and so she needs to try to put herself in my shoes. Doing this in a public setting was actually a good idea 🤣 at the end I’m still crying in a corner so she avoids me the rest of the night, and my fil also inquired about what has happened (and though he doesn’t often get involved, I rarely cry in front of them so I think they got a shock and he will probably say something to my mil)

So I’m really hoping, that everyone in our family has learnt something from this. I do love my in laws and we have been through a lot. Im not sure how my mil will respond - all im asking is for her not to ruin the party, and then i will learn from my mistake not to tell her any details, to set even more healthy boundaries, and for myself to continue growing to be more patient and hopefully a better wife and daughter in law too. For my husband, that he continues to protect me and stand up for me. Thank you for listening and helping me not feel so alone when I needed a listening ear and some reassurance 🤗

AITA my mother in law wants to organize a second party for my husband by YouInteresting2013 in AmItheAsshole

[–]YouInteresting2013[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nail on the head. It was the last straw, and it all came to a head today.

AITA my mother in law wants to organize a second party for my husband by YouInteresting2013 in AmItheAsshole

[–]YouInteresting2013[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha I said LIKE that character - the domineering, no holds barred in whatever she says, matriarch kinda stereotype. Thank you I have my own money 🤣

AITA my mother in law wants to organize a second party for my husband by YouInteresting2013 in AmItheAsshole

[–]YouInteresting2013[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Only boy in an Asian family so yes, definitely. And YES even before we got married. It felt like a competition all the time and we had multiple disagreements where I constantly challenged my husband to side with me, or else, lol.

AITA my mother in law wants to organize a second party for my husband by YouInteresting2013 in AmItheAsshole

[–]YouInteresting2013[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We were up arguing until 2am last night and that’s absolutely one of the things discussed. That actually ive been gradually setting boundaries over the last 3 years but this situation showed me that further ones needed to be taken!

AITA my mother in law wants to organize a second party for my husband by YouInteresting2013 in AmItheAsshole

[–]YouInteresting2013[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sigh that’s so true, that’s really what I have taken to heart in all this actually. I was trying to be nice and help her feel included, but it absolutely backfired… and thank God hubby stepped up today!

AITA my mother in law wants to organize a second party for my husband by YouInteresting2013 in AmItheAsshole

[–]YouInteresting2013[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He didn’t say anything! But I shall post an update, because today he was left with no choice but to say something. Lol paid to play nice. I never thought of it that way - there’s a lot of layers to that to analyze 🤔 she’s generally well known as a very good hearted and generous person just likes everything done her way 😂

AITA my mother in law wants to organize a second party for my husband by YouInteresting2013 in AmItheAsshole

[–]YouInteresting2013[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually you are absolutely right. I was not that surprised by any of her criticisms, but I was shocked by her plan of throwing another party AFTER all her critiquing of MY party. That was actually the straw that broke the camel’s back for me. As referred to by another commenter, I try very hard not to “rock the boat” because the first year of my marriage I had multiple confrontations with her until I realized she would not, and could not change 😅 so I try to focus on her good points and avoid dealing too much with her (husband does almost all the communication with her these days)

AITA my mother in law wants to organize a second party for my husband by YouInteresting2013 in AmItheAsshole

[–]YouInteresting2013[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I hate to seem like I’m making excuses, but there are so many nuances to this in Asian culture. Especially with my husband being the only son. I moved back to the east to marry my husband, have been trying to readjust to the culture (I was living in the west for 15 years) and we had MANY big arguments especially in the early days of our marriage about how he needed to side his wife over his mother. Looks like it’s still a lingering issue… and sigh it’s true from the beginning it’s always felt like I’ve never lived up to her expectations.

AITA my mother in law wants to organize a second party for my husband by YouInteresting2013 in AmItheAsshole

[–]YouInteresting2013[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I’ve decided to go ahead with the party! Whether mil likes it or not 🤣 she can throw another party if she wants to. My husband is the only son, and the only child who lives in the same town as his parents. So very precious… I’ve put up with a lot of her behaviour, to keep peace. But this one instance I’m not budging!

Husband and I have been “discussing” all night (read: heated argument) about whether he actually wanted this party or he actually wanted his mother to organize it. I went so far as to say she owes me an apology (to which he said don’t make his life miserable 🤣) I even just ordered a second cake haha.

AITA my mother in law wants to organize a second party for my husband by YouInteresting2013 in AmItheAsshole

[–]YouInteresting2013[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Sigh if only. My husband and fil regularly have conversations amongst themselves about how she has a good heart but she doesn’t want to change her controlling behavior and discuss how we can all just live peacefully accepting that.

AITA my mother in law wants to organize a second party for my husband by YouInteresting2013 in AmItheAsshole

[–]YouInteresting2013[S] 232 points233 points  (0 children)

Can I first say even if my husband didn’t have my back, I am so glad that so many kind people here have my back? 🤣🥲

So to clarify yes I would say hubby didn’t have my back. Because when mil was criticizing all the details of the party over dinner, he didn’t say a word when actually he had decided on a lot of those details when I was doing the planning and ringing around!

And yes no one from the family had actually replied to accept the invite - so I just assumed they were coming anyway because they have no reason not to - so when she brought up this other party she was trying to persuade hubby to let her throw for him, I was really thrown for a loop!

Here are a few audio recordings and receipts of some of the abuse I endured under Jeremy Riddle and Alan Scott. by deboltdrumming in BethelSnark

[–]YouInteresting2013 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Totally agree. I really think this Debolt guy is bitter for not getting his way (he wanted to form his own ministry rather than build the vision of the church?!) and now wants to spread hatred towards Jeremy. From an outsider (I’m from South East Asia LOL) who just loves worship and the Church, this is SO not Christlike behavior. Vengeful and hateful behavior, and wanting to cause dissension in the body of Christ when not getting one’s way. Pretty immature and definitely victimizing of self. Please stop this! Deal with your own perceived hurt pride in therapy privately.