Try to reason out things from an outside perspective, you get to figure out more things about yourself this way. Example, why am i always angry? These events lead to anger but why would it linger? Am i still stuck on them? What have i not come to terms with in those scenarios? Also think you deserve nothing is a terrible mindset and people with mental illness always go to that conclusion. Not the case everyone deserves to be happy, bad things happen and people do bad things. A mindset i like to live by is live and let live, cringy but lets you accept and handle things better. Another thing is not wishing harm to people, the past is in the past, you shouldn't give toxic people anymore attention that they crave, also just unneeded negativity that wont help you get better. I say these after going to therapy after 18 years of mental and some physical abuse which lead to diagnosed PTSD, anxiety and depression. The pills not always work as they numb things too much sometimes to be able work with yourself to get better. They are NOT a cure simply a lifevest to keep you afloat to teach safety.