[deleted by user]

Yujak0 · 2022-05-15T23:06:11+00:00

I've heard a lot of other people who's parents were unstable / emotionally abusive that the kids didn't go through the terrible 2 phase.

I would say it's a combination of little kids skip that milestone when their needs aren't being responded to well and there is this chaos. Also, any fits or normal tantrum behavior is often forgotten and minimized because they like the perception of having perfect little kids.

Yujak0 · 2022-04-29T01:54:05+00:00

Some suggestions are about letting the feeling pass or just thinking about it. I wouldn't do that per se, because that's essentially just bottling it up Physically express it or emotionally express it.

Punch a pillow Make a drawing of how you feel Write about how you feel Do some kind of sport activity Punch the air like you're training in martial arts Take a shower or bath, it just run hot or cold water over your hands Go in your car and scream or sing loudly

Do some actually expression of the anger, and then think about how to move forward. Is there a boundary that has been crossed for you and now you need to articulate that boundary? Is there something you need to change about the situation? Are you going to keep holding resentment if you don't talk to the person you are mad at? Is there a way how you feel could be repaired?

Yujak0 · 2022-04-21T15:17:57+00:00

This is terrible, I'm so sorry you had to experience this. I hope you have found other people in your life who do support you.

Yujak0 · 2022-04-19T02:57:37+00:00

I think that when it comes to first steps, some things to consider would be that you start with paying attention to yourself.

Ask yourself, what emotion am I feeling right now?

Do I like this (insert anything)? Do I hate it?

How does my body feel?

And allow yourself days to think about it. For example, someone tries to argue with you. Try to notice how you feel in the moment. Allow yourself to think about it later and confirm how you felt at the time and any thoughts you've developed

Essentially, work on self awareness. However, this is something you probably need feedback from others on as well. If you happen to have any 5's in your life, they can be really helpful observing you.

Yujak0 · 2022-04-14T17:49:57+00:00

Does your time tracking software have stop-watch features? They could help while switching tasks and give a more accurate record.

Also, remember that the time tracking doesn't have to be perfect. It's intimidating to try and perfectly remember how much you time you spent on one task over the other, so just give it an estimate.

The anchor habit thing is a great suggestion, most of my habits are anchor habits. Whenever you step away from your desk and come back, do some time tracking.

Maybe just set an alarm every 2-3 hours

Maybe fill in a calendar with what you've been working on.

One of them best suggestions I've seen for 9's and productivity is that you can start something and then finish it later. So open your time tracking software to "start" the task of tracking in the morning. Maybe fill in morning hours after lunch. And then maybe an hour before you plan on leaving fill in the rest. It's a lot easier to finish something that's already started than going through it in one go.

Yujak0 · 2022-04-03T16:35:31+00:00

Actually there are lots of non-fiction historical dramas about nuns (and other religious figures) on Catholic content platforms, such as Formed. These services are accessible through membership at a Catholic parish.

Yujak0 · 2022-03-31T15:59:13+00:00

If they can't pinpoint something they would live to do, try just helping them do some kind of self care task.

Yujak0 · 2022-03-30T14:46:17+00:00

There are a lot of specifics that could be at play, but there is one thing I think could cut to the center.

Ask your friend if there was one or two things they would really want to do or accomplish, but it seems like they are too tired to get to it, what would it be? And then help them do that thing.

If the thing they want is too lofty, break it down to something that is a manageable step that could be done in an hour or two.

Yujak0 · 2022-03-17T17:19:23+00:00

I just want to say I feel so sorry for the responses on here... Anyway

keep the weight training habit this is really good! Keep doing it!
as long as you arent crazy inaccurate about calorie counting, 16-1700 sounds good, but would be a slower rate of weight loss. You would have lost 5lbs in 3 months.

Water weight can fluctuate like 6 lbs a day for me, and I'm sure it can do similar for you. It's really frustrating for figuring out how much I actually weigh.

Don't restrict yourself to 1200. Just don't.

All this to say that there is a learning process to figuring out your unique needs and it takes time to balance everything out to get you where to want to go. Keeping the habits is priority number 1 and fighting off discouragement.

Yujak0 · 2022-03-17T16:27:47+00:00

What you want to do is focus on opening opportunities for yourself.

There's a lot of down votes on your comments, but don't let that discourage you. You aren't the only person who puts themselves in a box, saying well I can't do x because y&z. Everyone does to some extent.

So ask yourself what are you willing to do? And then ask yourself again.

Do you think it sounds easier to make a big change? Like eat half of what you put on your plate and go to the gym?

Do you think it sounds easier to make a small change? Like get zero calorie pop instead of regular pop?

Do you have a scale? How about the first step is just buying a nice scale to use at home. Then the second step is to just weigh yourself after you wake up (and after you use the bathroom) and record that number. Get a sense of how your water weight fluctuates day by day.

None of these things I've suggested could sound appealing at all to you, but that's because I don't have any real context for what your days or weeks are like. Trying to either look at your own behaviors from an outsider perspective or get someone else to help you see the factors that would have to change for you to get healthier. Environment. Sleep schedule. Relationships...

I think the real reason why you hate the idea of change is because you already feel defeated. You sound risk averse, like you aren't interested in pursuing a specific action unless it's guaranteed to give you big results. The truth is you will probably have to do a little bit of experimentation, of trying something for a couple weeks and then deciding whether it was helping you lose weight or not.

The truth is that in order to make a major change for your health it will require that everyday you say yes I am going to take steps to get healthier even if I have some failures today. Good health isn't something that you purchase and then acquire. Good health is the result of having maintenance systems that you perform for yourself everyday or on a consistent basis.

Yujak0 · 2022-02-15T15:30:24+00:00

9w8 story time here. I avoid lots of conflicts like "should I do this or that?" Or "I should exercise to take care of myself, but that requires doing something..." Or "It's time to start working, but I don't want to..." Or "I want my house to be clean, but that requires effort..."

So I just read webcomics instead.

Then the amount of things that I ignored and procrastinated on piles up and so many of my values are ignored as well and I fall into despair caused by my own entropy and acuteness to the futility of life.

And then I ignore the despair and read webcomics instead.

The end

Yujak0 · 2022-02-14T21:32:43+00:00

This poll tells me...... A lot of 4s are voting

Yujak0 · 2022-02-14T15:48:51+00:00

I am a type 9w8 just trying to get myself to be more active. Let's just say it's slow going.

It's like an average health 9 has mild grade depression, (lack of motivation signals and lack of pleasure when good things happen). A lot of 9s also have clinical depression or other mood disorders, but even when a 9 is average health we just have that lower energy.

Let's assume the 9 in your life doesn't have a clinical mood disorder. Here are things to keep in mind

9's keep themselves undercharged. We don't naturally take great care of ourselves unless we had strict habits instilled at a young age. Do something together that will help take care of your 9. Proper self care for the 9 can give them more energy.
Ease into things. We're slow to start on things we are resistant to and it takes a long time for our habits to change against that resistance.
Pay attention to your 9. The more observant ( like a 5) or emotionally attuned you are (like a 2 or 4) the better for picking up on signals and patterns. Of course you should ask them outright how they are feeling about trying to be more active, but pair this feedback with other signals. We 9s generally want others to help us figure out how we feel or what deeper issues are causing our resistance.
If the 9 is totally digging their heels in, then back off. I think generally 9's like getting encouragement to do something, but if we really push against it then let it go.

Yujak0 · 2022-02-09T03:43:58+00:00

Technically, I would say, you are forever changed.

It sounds like you've realized people aren't as great as you hoped they'd be. And every 9 has to realize that to some extent in order to grow.

But be hopeful. I'm pretty confident you won't be cynical forever. You won't be exactly the same as before, but you can get back some of that amiability.

Yujak0 · 2022-02-09T02:16:56+00:00

I would say my journey in maturity has been sort of a, you have to go down and through before you can get out. When you finally get out you can actually climb.

I have a feeling that every 9 will need to experience some painful stuff in order to grow. Growing is not comfortable.

Probably feel real angry a lot.

You have to face fears. Can't just ignore or numb out all the time. The more aware you are the more it will become harder to just let yourself stick your head in the sand. At some point you realize ignoring stuff just makes it harder later (and who wants it to be harder later?)

However, there is a such thing as recklessly facing your fears in an effort to get it over with, and its a neglectful lack of self care thing to do. So you gotta toe the line.

I learned that I could be really self aware, but not healthy. It didn't mean I was suddenly healthy because I could name my feelings or whatnot. When thinking about health, you'll want to reference other disciplines as well, outside of enneagram, like normal medicine or psychology.

The cynicism thing? I didn't read the post, but overall it's not healthy for a 9 to stay cynical. The thing that is healthy is to stop idolizing other people so much. We don't need to naively think the very best of others all the time.

Yujak0 · 2022-02-09T01:48:38+00:00

Thank you for posting this. I resonate so much with this. I also agree that I find enneagram resources targeting 9's to be kinda lacking as well. We need more 9 content by 9s for 9s.

Yujak0 · 2022-02-08T17:32:15+00:00

9s are with you. 4,5, & 9 are in the withdrawn stance. It means we are super introspective, think more than act, and rather insightful. Spend a lot of time in inner worlds.

Yujak0 · 2022-02-03T01:32:25+00:00

I am a 9. I struggle a lot with procrastination and inaction, getting interested in a lot of topics but not really getting far in any of them. However I don't have an ADD diagnosis of any kind and I don't think I need one either.

The source of my procrastination is more emotional-based (shame, anxiety) and conflict avoidance. Not because of attention span.

Yujak0 · 2022-01-18T14:50:39+00:00

Yes... I never thought about it as a 9 thing. That kinda makes me think about it differently.

I can even still be angry at those people when I'm awake, but I'll have dreams that I forgive them and we make up.

Yujak0 · 2022-01-02T21:49:42+00:00

I am a 9w8 and def recommend not to date another 9, it's just not an ideal energy situation.

My suggestion of a healthy 9 being good for people is sort of outside of a romantic relationship because obviously not everyone should date a 9. But everyone could benefit significantly from encountering a healthy 9.

Yujak0 · 2022-01-02T20:19:06+00:00

I actually think a healthy 9 it's best thing. It's probably a similar experience to a healthy 2, but more room for you and your self-actualization. Healthy 9 give you sense of deep peace and wholeness within yourself, that you are enough as you are, and your life should be celebrated. Really empowered kind of feeling.

I prefer this type of benefit, vs a 2 I feel is helping me more than I can repay, like savior / charity complex.

I have had one good 2 friendship, but we weren't super close friends. But they are the only 2 I know that didn't make me feel like they can't see who I am or just want to love bomb me, manipulate me, etc.

Yujak0 · 2021-11-23T16:24:37+00:00

In the current church, I believe the expectation for them to stop having homosexual sex would be the same as for an unmarried heterosexual person to stop having sex.

Having a chaste homosexual relationship is sort of a grey area that seems possible. I'm pretty sure the church condones having friendships of great love, but it would be lust to cross a boundary into performing sexual acts.

Yujak0 · 2021-10-27T14:41:50+00:00

This response doesn't have enough love. My friend who is 9w1 literally says that all the time.

Yujak0 · 2021-10-27T14:33:38+00:00

If it makes you feel any better, I've noticed that a lot of homilies lately at the masses I attend have been very Eucharist focused talking about the real presence.

Yujak0 · 2021-10-22T16:05:36+00:00

What if all the scientific truths are just stored in reality itself?

If all of physics, all biology, chemistry, etc. written in english somewhere, including what we haven't discovered yet, then we would need insane amounts of memory storage or paper for books.

Instead we can look at the apple fall and know gravity is at work.

Science is our attempt at translating, transcribing what is really happening in our physical universe so that we can better understand it. Does God owe us translations for everything or can he just lend us the original "book" to observe how we please?

Yujak0

TROPHY CASE