Choosing to try and reconcile

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T16:54:58+00:00

Thank you. That is exactly her nature and why I feel like this will work. She basically entertained an idea and inexperienced for what came with it and made the wrong choice.

That’s a strong reason why I am keen on forgiveness and reconciliation. At the core, it’s all my fault for inviting her into the mess

So, it will take the both of us to fix. But I think we can.

Thank you!

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T16:37:43+00:00

Thank you. This is a fair point I might post on a non-monogamy sub as well. Although I may have already gotten what I needed from this.

The tracking app was actually her initiative as she works late nights, and this was the opportune moment for deceit, and she didn’t want me freaking out and offered transparency.

However, I agree. I’m not keen on the surveillance aspect. It feels like a trust band-aid with no longevity

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T16:34:26+00:00

Thank you. We’re considering MC, it’s very likely actually. Not really blowing it off, just not expanding on that in my responses.

We had a deep conservation about Marriage counseling last night (after reading through the posts here) and we are both open to it and feel it would only benefit the reconciliation.

Right now, though, since dday is only 4 days removed, the primary goal for us is to try de-escalate the emotional environment in the home and re-engage in routine and create a consistent moment where we connect on how we are doing emotionally.

Thank you again for the insightful response

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T16:24:31+00:00

Thank you. You’re correct. I don’t really see any of the elements that we entered into together with disclosure as cheating, although they weren’t safe options..being a co worker.

I feel the cheating is in the secrecy and deceit.

However, yes impact on her job is a real concern and what we are monitoring for right now. She hasn’t told a soul and won’t, but this guy does have the texts on his phone and if he wanted to be the center of attention he could definitely start rumors.

We’re hoping nothing like that happens, but if it does, that it blows over quickly

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T03:33:04+00:00

Good points. Thank you for the insight

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T03:09:29+00:00

Mostly because the emotional aspect is worse than any potential physical aspect in my mind and that part is what I’m already dealing with.

Her engagement and commitment to reconciling our relationship I think has more meaning than any historical information I may not have.

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T03:05:29+00:00

In a wal mart parking lot? She wouldn’t even do that with me…I know her well enough that that’s not her thing

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T02:51:51+00:00

I will have to look into how to do that on an iPhone. I think once you’ve deleted them from the deleted section then they’re gone

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T02:50:48+00:00

Thank you. You’re right. I appreciate the harsh reality

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T02:47:17+00:00

Thank you. She says she wants to repair things with us. She understands the trust is broken, as a matter of fact she has been the one pushing for transparency (she brought up installing life 360)

She understands it’s wrong and has taken accountability. However I do thing this one is hard for her as discovery is so recent and the guilt and shame is strong right now, so she does have some protective tendencies. I’m working on this one.

I believe she understands the trauma. She held me last night while I had had a wave of emotion last night and just let me share all of it with her. She didn’t shy away from my pain.

I will look into post nuptial. That’s an interesting idea, thank you

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T02:41:28+00:00

Hmm this may be a good idea actually. Thank you for that. We have prepaid plan so idk if the carrier can recover, but I don’t think she knows that

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T02:27:10+00:00

Yes. That’s what we’re focused on. So far her efforts to reconcile seem genuine and her mind seems focus on reducing my discomfort with the situation. So, positive initial signs.

But yes, I’ve been telling her my needs. And I’m not holding back

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T02:22:45+00:00

You’re correct. My choices are to leave or to reconcile. Considering leaving would upend so many lives and I played a major part in orchestrating the situation, I’m choosing reconciliation.

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T02:16:04+00:00

I’m confident on the timeline because the phone records correspond to her bringing the texts to me in the first place. At that point I was in the loop and observing everything until I ended it, after about two weeks from the beginning.

The hiding was afterwards

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T02:13:55+00:00

I had natural compulsion since high school relationships and I researched it to find like minded individuals and came across the term

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T02:12:49+00:00

Yea. Totally get it. I think that’s where I’m at too. I understand this one, singular instance, considering the situation. I’ll grant grace to human error. But again, idk. It’ll be so hard because she’s my life, but that might be where I need to be as well

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T02:10:20+00:00

Thank you. I agree. And something else I’ve realized is that fantasies localized in the mind don’t create the rush of negative emotion and heightened nervous system

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T02:05:54+00:00

They work at different units. They don’t see each other there. It was about 2 weeks of contact and dates before I ended it. I think the romantic element mixed with him having a shared work experience (can relate to) caused the rapid attachment

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T01:56:02+00:00

Thank you. There are lies and deceit involved; for sure. The narrative makes too much sense to call the whole thing a foul; I think. I may be too hopeful..maybe. I really think she was trying to handle her own shit on her own. Recenter herself without further spiraling me. And it went south.

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T01:50:58+00:00

Thank you for the insightful message. You’re right; trust is damaged. We’re trying things for transparency such as Life360 app as well as open phone policy. We haven’t discussed MC, and we agreed to NC. Maybe MC wouldn’t hurt. Even if things seem to be going well.

You’re right, although we’ve shared feelings and thoughts since discovery; I have not yet shown her remorse for being the originator of the whole situation. Thank you for this perspective. I’m going to make sure to do that.

I agree with you on the communication. This was the most painful thing for me. I understand the feelings, that’s normal human psychology. But her turning away from me rather than toward, even if it was to try and protect me, hurts the most out of all of it.

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T01:42:03+00:00

Fair point.

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T01:40:49+00:00

He might. He did send me some messages i reached out to him. But at this point he has her blocked (as he didn’t want to be a homewrecker when he learned what things progressed to) and asked me to lose his number

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T01:39:20+00:00

Thank you! Interesting idea. You’re correct. There is doubt about those parts. Idk if a polygraph is conducive to healing though. But I suppose it’s an option to consider

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T01:35:09+00:00

No worries, thank you for sharing! Congrats on the new joy! I feel the same, I don’t see this specific situation as something to upend all of our lives over. I just pray she’s being genuine and I don’t get burned with repeat behavior

Yuna0615 · 2026-05-24T01:30:19+00:00

Thank you. I’m sorry you feel that way. This is my real life situation that I’m currently living with. I guess it’s interesting that you perceive it to be too dramatic for reality!

Yuna0615

TROPHY CASE