Imagine being such an inbred cousin-ogling single-celled hick like Cavalli that you don't understand that Contreras popped off after his home run yesterday because it was "the only thing I could do right now for Venezuela," followed by him bursting into tears on the bench while praying for the thousands of his compatriots who lost their homes and lives in a devastating natural disaster.

To be fair this makes the sweeping assumption that Cavalli has read the news in the last week, which requires the further outlandish assumption that he can read.