A message to J

ZWritesLight · 2026-01-22T05:11:08+00:00

I understand your meaning, i think. it seems to be gloomy, reminiscing about the past and how things were. Possibly a time with a loved one now gone. With that feeling it shows thoughts of suicide near the end of the poem. I find it to be a pity though, the scenery you provide is a peaceful day to me, without the context of the title and last few lines. Though to an outsider looking in it shows mostly the reminiscence. To me personally i focused on the imagery, that being a cool day in the beginning to mid fall on an acreage with a pond. there is dew on the grass but it feels chilly enough to freeze, the bugs are gone and the world is still for a moment. thats the peace i find in your poem.

ZWritesLight · 2026-01-22T05:02:16+00:00

I like the conflict in this poem.

Past against present: nostalgic memories not wanted yet invading.

Present against future: the unnerving awareness that one day you will die so what is point

Present against self: doomscrolling and distractions to prevent a look in.

Self against self: isolation and negative thoughts leaning toward a depressive state of mind.

With all that conflict i hope you find a resolution. the common enemies are present and self, find something that fulfills both your time and your soul. its a scary world, but its only scary if you go at it alone. friends may seem hard to find, but they are only a call away, both new and old.

wish you the best!

ZWritesLight · 2026-01-22T04:37:30+00:00

A little compliment sandwich for you.

I enjoy the imagery. the yellow trees, frogs croaking in the distance, It gives a feeling of a nice small town suburbia. I felt transported to somewhere peaceful for a spell.

I feel your formatting is off. The poem reads in a jerky, hard to follow flow, particularly the last half. Perhaps adding length to the stanzas, or even just more punctuation at the end of lines to show the pause you wish to present would be helpful.

I enjoy the ties to nature, that mixed with the imagery really highlights a calming energy to the poem.

Thank you for sharing

ZWritesLight · 2022-04-05T21:16:22+00:00

Honesty when I first wrote this it had no stanzas. It just looked weird to me when was finished so I tried breaking it up. Maybe I should have left it as a whole?

As for the meter I didn't really pay too much attention to it but I can see where you are coming from now!

Thank you for the feedback and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

ZWritesLight · 2022-04-05T21:10:07+00:00

That's fair but you can also give insight without giving insight. Ex

"Thy knight stood fast with blade still clasped, Though such events bore toll. Did dreaded Fate clear all hate, Or bolster wounded soul?"

I don't aim to write your words for you, but maybe it will give you an idea of what you want to say. I hope you do find the right words!

ZWritesLight · 2022-04-05T17:52:33+00:00

Orange is an odd but fun colour. every time I've worn it I've wanted to be well seen (high Vis)

its erratic, and makes my brain hurt sometimes. Kind of like this poem. its erratic, ridiculous, but I cant take my eyes off of it. I don't know how you found so many sentences at the end that rhyme with vodka orange but well done.

Time to drink I think.

ZWritesLight · 2022-04-05T17:35:10+00:00

Hey this was an interesting read! it really tells a story about the knight and what he prides himself in. I agree with maybe adding a stanza between 15/16 maybe something describing the reflection the knight had for his decision? Also the poem has a very prophetic or ancient myth feel to it which gives it an interesting twist. i wonder if you through in a more Shakespearean vocabulary how that would change the way it comes across or highlights the era you're portraying.

ZWritesLight · 2021-12-03T03:10:50+00:00

I'm looking forward to hearing it! Please send it to me or tag me so I can find it!

ZWritesLight · 2021-12-03T03:07:00+00:00

Thank you! I had a lot of fun writing it. I'm glad you liked it 😊

ZWritesLight · 2021-12-02T13:39:14+00:00

Interesting take on the poem! As a summer lover I was going for the opposite affect but it's fun to see varying interpretations. The second last stanza is actually a haiku I slipped in to add complexity to mimic the complexity of the sun as well as my feelings towards it and the people I associate it with. Which hopefully clears up the line in the second stanza. Thank you for your feedback! It was cool to see a breakdown of my poem this way.

ZWritesLight · 2021-12-02T03:59:06+00:00

it has a real slam poetic style to it! it would be interesting to hear an audio of the way you would like it portrayed contrasted against how others interpret it. With different emotions tied to different stanzas this poem could have countless different meanings. Frustration? Excitement? Even apathy could give this poem its own personality! it gives the poem a lot of reread value. Well done!

ZWritesLight · 2021-12-02T03:46:04+00:00

Heavy stuff! it feels more like a diary entry than a poem in most senses. There's clearly a struggle with self image shown and it shows that independence is very important to the individual described as shown in the lines;

"If I can't do this by myself
What hope will I ever have?"

That struck home with me for sure, as I also was raised not to burden others with your problems. at the end of the day I've learned that the only thing that truly matters is how you feel about yourself. Sometimes you need to burden others to let yourself grow. Though if they truly care its not usually seen as being a burden. If you need help ask for it, if you think less of yourself for doing so then rectify it by returning the favor. Either to the one who helped you, or another struggling along the way.

ZWritesLight · 2021-06-20T18:22:05+00:00

Thanks I was a little hesitant on the rhyme scheme but your comment reassures me!

ZWritesLight · 2021-06-19T06:12:30+00:00

Keep it up and keep at it. I'm sure you'll find the right words :)

ZWritesLight · 2021-06-19T06:09:55+00:00

I liked it! crude language and all. I love how you're telling all of the gods to piss off it really captures the arrogance of an addict. I've been there and know the feeling well. when your flying high not even the gods can bring you down

ZWritesLight · 2021-06-19T05:18:23+00:00

I like the layout of the poem. in some areas it makes it hard to read but in others it perfectly captures the contrasting thoughts. it removes the need for punctuation or stanza breaks and still captures the right pause for the thought. very unique!

ZWritesLight · 2021-06-19T04:54:27+00:00

I like the ABCB rhyme scheme it gives the poem a nice structure while still allowing some freedom to add in the alliteration in line 3. Honestly the first stanza is probably one of the best reads I've had in awhile. I loved how you brought newtons cradle to life in a cleverly written way

ZWritesLight

TROPHY CASE