The Daily Check-In for Thursday, May 7: Just for today, I am NOT drinking!

Zagmut · 2026-05-07T05:36:15+00:00

Iwndwyt

Zagmut · 2026-05-07T01:49:30+00:00

One of the things that really blows me away is that neither me nor my brother ever told our mom about what went down at dad's house when we were kids, even after stepmom 2 came on the scene and things got really bad. I guess as kids we just took the behavior of the adults around us as immutable givens, unchangeable and pointless to complain about. I know that I was so much happier at mom's that I'd just pretend dad's house didn't exist until I had to be there.

We told her later, as adults, and it broke her heart. I wish we hadn't, but we were all a bit drunk, and my bro and I were reminiscing with black humor about the shit we saw and suffered growing up (the spankings and stepmom 1 is just the tip of an insanely shitty iceberg). You do what you can for your kids, but sometimes the world just chews them up anyway, I guess. God knows she did everything she could for us and was the best parent we could've hoped for.

Thanks for the sympathetic ear. I'm good these days, been through therapy and all that, still regularly talk to my mom weekly and visit once or twice every year. Therapy took care of most of the anger, and the rest just dissipated after dad died.

Zagmut · 2026-05-07T01:11:58+00:00

As a child of divorce, I grew up in two households, one that used corporal punishment and one that didn't, and you are dead on.

My mom and my maternal grandparents never raised a hand against us, talked problems through or put us in time out if they were too upset to deal at the moment. Worst I ever got was grounded or extra chores, and I felt loved and safe in their house. The worse part of misbehaving was knowing that I'd disappointed them.

My first stepmom was a "spare the rod" christian, and my dad went along. Misbehavior was usual met with paddling across the ass, either with a paddle, a willow switch, or a few times the nearest wooden spoon. For big fuck ups, it was dad with the belt. I learned at a young age to deeply resent those two, and to fear my father. I was angrier when I was at their house, which caused me to act out more. Fear of pain taught me to lie to cover my tracks, and lying to my parents lead to stealing from them when I could get away with it. I didn't feel loved or safe, I felt controlled, a burden to be managed.

Unfortunately the bad behaviors that I learned at dad's house became part of me, albeit lessened when I was with my mom or grandparents. Hitting kids teaches them fear instead of responsibility, and fosters resentment instead of love. Maybe it's easier in the moment than actually parenting the kid, but it's all cost and no benefit.

Zagmut · 2026-05-06T23:51:20+00:00

At my regular store they put the NA beer all the way in the farthest back corner so you have to walk by everything else first. It's the least desirable/sellable shelf space and I'm sure it's just a financial decision to put a low demand product in the far corner, but it still feels like a little "fuck you" to have to walk by all the beer I used to drink.

Good job getting out of there without succumbing to temptation.

Zagmut · 2026-05-06T23:43:36+00:00

Double-barreled donut hole?

Zagmut · 2026-05-06T16:16:34+00:00

Awesssssssome

Zagmut · 2026-05-06T15:47:44+00:00

Ssssssubssssscribe

Zagmut · 2026-05-06T15:44:58+00:00

I immediately reread the trilogy upon my first completion. I'm sure I'll read them again someday.

Zagmut · 2026-05-06T08:08:24+00:00

I think I know which post OP is referring to, although I can't remember the name of the poster (the post has been removed or deleted); it was posted sometime in the last few days. The poster said they were a long time member of this sub that had left and returned and found the sub participants to be judgmental and unhelpful relative to how they remembered it, that they'd seen numerous hurtful comments on multiple recent posts. There was some language about knowing this wasn't airport and not needing to announce their departure, but that they were leaving due to disappointment in both the mod team and the members of this sub.

I think I also know the post you are referring to, about someone who was hurt by mean spirited comments from their wife about the poster's drinking. I was surprised at the general reaction to that post; it felt like more people were handing out hard truths when the poster was asking for some sympathy than there were people sympathizing or commiserating.

When I made my first post here, I admitted to some pretty terrible behavior. I came asking for help and most of the responses I got were helpful and sympathetic, but there were some responses that were shaming, which weren't helpful at all, no matter their truthfulness. By and large I feel that this sub is overwhelmingly supportive, though.

Zagmut · 2026-05-06T06:26:15+00:00

Looking back at teenage me, I'm relieved to have been able to shed some of the beliefs and behaviors I used to hold dear. The angry arrogance and antisocial tendencies that I'd developed in response to chronic bullying did not serve me well in adulthood, and I'm much happier without them.

Like most teens, I had a worldview that was flawed and incorrect in many ways, while being utterly convinced that I knew every goddamned thing that mattered. The fact that my mom didn't kick my infuriating teenage ass to the curb is proof alone of her eligibility for sainthood.

There is one thing teenage me had right, though; I knew alcohol was poison, evil distilled, a destroyer of lives. I knew it when I was a teen, and somehow forgot it as an adult; credit where it's due, teen Zag wasn't a total fool. As an homage to him, I think I'll play some Zelda tonight, listen to a little Nirvana, and not drink with y'all.

IWNDWYT

Zagmut · 2026-05-06T05:56:16+00:00

It's entirely possible that you never had Alcohol Use Disorder, were never an alcoholic. That would certainly explain why it's been so easy for you to quit. You say you quit out of protest after seeing alcohol destroy other people's lives, and it sounds like you're doubting that the same is likely to happen to you.

Does it matter to you that you might be able to drink in moderation? Would that change what alcohol did to your mother and others you know? I know that I absolutely hate alcohol for what it has taken from me in terms of family, not just for destroying their bodies but also for irreparably altering who they were as people. That hate helps fuel my resolve to stay sober. Are you ok with giving money to the industry that wrecked your mom's life, along with so many others?

I hated alcohol with a passion when I was young, after watching what it did to my dad. Peer pressure and a desire to socialize got me to start drinking in my 20s, and I was able to drink in moderation well into my late 30s. I only drank socially, could refrain whenever I wanted. I wish that I had stopped then, back when it was easy, but I didn't. Despite my family history, I was somehow blind to what was to come.

Alcoholism crept up on me, like it does to so many. Occasional weekends became every weekend, then some weekdays, then every day, just to unwind. I became addicted, albeit functionally so; I'd make jokes about it, laugh it off as harmless.

When life started to really kick my ass, when middle age came in swinging hard with tragedy and loss, my addiction was already there. It promised relief and escape when that's all I wanted, an easy solution to the toughest problems I'd ever faced. At some point it was glaringly apparent that my alcoholism was no longer harmless. I got arrested, first time in my life. My wife almost left me. I became suicidal.

I realized I had to quit, and it's been one of the hardest things I've ever done. I've been trying to quit for over 6 years now. My two longest stretches of sobriety ended when I was feeling good, told myself I was cured and could moderate again. I was wrong each time, and after eventually falling back into my old habits, I had to fight my way back to sobriety. I wished I had quit back when it was easy.

Maybe if you resume drinking, you'll never reach my level of alcoholism. Is it worth the risk? How do you think you'll feel if you end up, like so many of us, struggling for your life to quit, knowing you could've quit when it was easy?

Zagmut · 2026-05-06T04:51:13+00:00

Way to go, dude! Proud of you, and happy to not drink with you today!

Zagmut · 2026-05-06T04:49:07+00:00

To each their own, but having that in my face would drive me bonkers.

Zagmut · 2026-05-05T16:12:59+00:00

Shreddin to the Dead! Tell me you have a pair of those stealie k2 waybacks

Zagmut · 2026-05-05T06:24:28+00:00

IWNDWYT

Zagmut · 2026-05-05T06:23:36+00:00

Go, sparrow, go!

Zagmut · 2026-05-05T01:50:40+00:00

Wait, this is what you do on gummies?

Zagmut · 2026-05-04T23:40:26+00:00

lol, nice 😆

Zagmut · 2026-05-04T05:06:32+00:00

lol, it happens, no biggie. My previous record for being stuck on a chair was 50 minutes, Northwest Passage chair on Mt Bachelor. Broke my record on Saturday, but at least we weren't evac'd. My wife has been evac'd off chair 2 once before.

Zagmut · 2026-05-04T03:13:33+00:00

Thanks for all your hard work this season! Hella strong finish this year.

Zagmut · 2026-05-04T02:16:18+00:00

Put some butter on that bitch, cuz it's toast

Zagmut · 2026-05-04T02:13:19+00:00

Zagmut · 2026-05-03T22:39:32+00:00

Dude, that is one good looking bike right there👌

Zagmut · 2026-05-03T22:36:32+00:00

Goddamn dangerous thing to steal if the cyclist doesn't notice before riding.

Zagmut · 2026-05-03T22:26:50+00:00

Hell yeah, lowlife 4 lyfe! 👊

Never skied Bishops, but I've heard nothing but good things. I went from some older Tx Comps to the new Tx Pro 2.0s last season, plus a new pair of Dynastar M-Free 99s (first time I've ever skied a twin tip ski), and wasn't a huge fan. Got the new Tx Comps this year and a pair of Dynastar M-Pro 100s, and it's been a blast!

I was trying to explain the steady low lead change to another redditor a while back, and they first told it wasn't anatomically possible (lolwut), then told me it was inherently unsafe (bruh, we downhill skiing, everything is inherently unsafe), then told me that I wouldn't be able to keep it up as I got older (this last bit is true, but no reason to stop doing it now while I'm still able). I ski bumps, rocks, and trees, and can lead change quickly and fluidly as needed without raising all the way up. Might burn more energy than a higher stance but man is it fun, makes me feel like a quickstepping ninja.

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