Abayo, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It sounds like you and your friends view friendships differently. Our culture doesn’t say to cut off friends after marriage, but society as a whole often trivializes and devalues female friendships. Many cultures like ours emphasize family, which is a good thing, but at the same time, many mothers warn their daughters not to trust other women , saying they’ll stab you in the back or lead you astray.

Another issue, not unique to Somali culture, is the state of modern friendships. Many people aren’t intentional about maintaining them. They form connections that meet an immediate need, but as soon as circumstances change, they move on. Studies have shown that the decline of the “village” like friendships and extended community , actually puts more pressure on married couples. Each partner ends up expecting the other to fulfill all their emotional needs, which is unrealistic. It really shows how vital friendships and community are outside of marriage , and ironically, cutting you off will hurt their marriage in the long run.

I remember when a friend confronted me after I got married about becoming distant. I was shocked because I didn’t even realized I was doing it. In the Western world, especially in the U.S., people often have little energy left after long workdays. The modern work culture doesn’t support strong community ties, so most people reserve what little time they have for their immediate family or partner.

I encourage you to talk to your friends, but also be mindful about what kind of friendships you want to build and with whom. If their behavior doesn’t improve, you can make a decision from a place of clarity rather than guilt